Why Now?

It started out about the dreams but ended up transforming into the question I've always wanted to ask but couldn't form into words.

These nightmares are relentless,
Yet again.

No, they are not scary,
murderous dreams,
But of the truth,
I so dearly wish to block out.

I wake sad For what he goes through,
Frightened for us all, and
Angry at what you are doing.

Sleep no longer comes easy
I lie awake for hours,
Scared of what I'll see in my dreams.

These nightmares are taking it's toll,
My health is depleting as I sink,
lower into this depressed state.

My senses are dulling,
Colors are lifeless,
Sounds are flat and barely audible
Or high an piercing.
Food seems to loose it's taste
And sits uncomfortably in my stomach.

The world spins when I stand,
Either from lack of nutrition,
Or lack of love.

My father does all he can,
Its hard to admit,
but it's not enough.

Most nights I'll lay down,
Letting the dams open,
Just to feel the relief
from the escaping tears.

I only have one question for you.

Why couldn't you have found yourself the first time, I would have been too young to remember and the pain wouldn't be this awful.