LONE STAR

I grew up on every kind of meat

there is. Bacon, country ham, that piece of art

New York strip in bed with a loaded

baked potato, pork chops,

BABY BACK RIBS in Chicago,

WHOOOEE!

But then, daddy had cancer,

that tough ole Iwo Jima Marine’s

a*s was kicked when I rode home

that October. Met him when he

just got back from the North Carolina

mountains. Hallelujah Valley, HALLELUJAH!

Drink that carrot juice! Hell, Drink ALL

your vegetables, eat a ton of salad!

Don’t cook NOTHIN’!

And for two weeks it was just like

shaking a dead man’s hand

with your tongue. Mom was workin’ it,

tryin’ to save her man. Again.

And you know what? When I left for home,

I’ll be damned if I did not feel clean on the inside,

not greasy, full of sludge… but clean.

Who knew?

I couldn’t do the cold thing though,

but I gave up meat for three years.

And when I wanted beef, I just closed

my eyes and remembered… I’d eaten

enough, to know EXACTLY what I was

missing. No big deal.

Until my friend Sam had that St. Patrick’s Day Party.

Corned Beef… soaked in Guinness for days, .

slow-cooked in more Guinness for hours,

and the crown jewel jar of orange marmalade

the last ninety minutes.

Screw vegetarian, it’s NOT my religion!

One giant plateful of that red meat, some cabbage and a

platter’s worth of pot luck everything, followed

by a fine cigar and a big mug of ale on the porch…

it was EPIC.

Then I died. Hives, puking, diarrhea,

I itched so bad, I wanted to swim in gravel!

The Dr. said “Sorry, man but you are allergic to meat!

Do NOT eat anything with a hoof, and handed me an Epi pen.

What could I do? I tore into chicken! And fish. And turkey, hot

out of the pan. I laughed with gusto for four more years,

till the story broke on News Channel 5. The reporter talked about

global warming and the spread of the Lone Star Tick, that,

when it bites you, causes an allergy to galactose-alpha-1,3-galactose,

a thing in meat from food with a hoof. And they went on and on

interviewing all kinds of Doctors. A new story every day.

On Friday a reporter asked,

“How long does it last?”

“Twelve months or so.” Whew! WHAT? WAIT!

TREE YEARS LATE?

Get out of my way!

I’ll have that corn-fed, pink piece of prime rib

kiss my lips French style, long and deep. Make

that baked potato jealous!

And that, my friends is a happy ending!

Reviews

[Lorry]

Just as well for you Vol, as if there is one place in the world you would be guilty of high treason for going veggie, I'm sure it's the state with that lone star, where most are so pro-meat, I half expect cars coming to a screeching halt when they pass a field of hooves, just so they can stop and lick it, before pulling up at the next rest stop and ordering it, by giving them a photo of it and waiting patiently for nature to take its course and be served up.
I am so wanting some bacon right now that I might just have to go lick a pig! 😊

[Vol]

Lorry,
I'd say the future of McDonalds lives within a fifty-mile radius of my house, except I'm not all that sure what those thin brown patties are actually made of.
Take it from me, though, and find a better use of your tongue, as none of the pigs I've ever licked tastes all that good...
Vol

[Lorry]

I think they're made of hippies Vol. My last burger had a yin yang tattoo! 😊

[Vol]

Hahahaha...............................................!

[Starbaby]

Pretty sure that the next time I see a piece of prime rib, a vision of your tongue will be passing by my mind. Thanks for that Vol. You painted that scene far too vividly! ;-) Never know what is safe to eat these days. One minute they say no to red meat, then the next it's okay. Eggs good or eggs bad? Butter or margarine. Gimme my food like my men, REAL. Enjoy in moderation. Time is up when the Good Lord says it is, so just enjoy the ride, like I enjoyed your poem.

[Vol]

Starbaby!
You bet! Your review reinds me of something Churchill once said when asked if, "because of the war, should we do away with extracurricular classes in school?" He looked back at them and said "What are we fighting for?
What are we living for... The asked Jesus, "Why are you here?" He answered "To give you life, and that more abundantly." Eat the meat, and that banana split! Drink the Bourbon. Dance to the music. Laugh out loud. Love hard, love deep... ABUNDANTLY!!!
Vol

[Vol]

Oh, and thanks for getting it!