1. CASS

Warmth flowed into Cass' cold lips, and her chest burned as she dragged on a cig-stick. The onset of acute pleasure swept across her as the mild substance did its thing. Pulling the stick out of pursed lips, the heat of the drug spread through her body. Cass exhaled, allowing a bluish-grey smoke-stream to disperse into the air before her.

A quick gust of wind rushed at her, kicking up debris from the dead soil of Blackwyrm park, forcing a shiver out of her as it passed over her bare neck. Cass' muscles tightened as the chill pricked icicles through her plastifab windbreaker. She struggled to seam her jacket up to the chin. Fumbling the cig-stick. It quivered between two of her gloved fingers while she frantically attempted to zip up.

"F**k," she exhaled through clenched teeth, before pulling back another warming drag.

"Hey."

Cass jolted on instinct, panicked at the sudden stab of a raspy soprano. She spun on the balls of her feet to meet the voice behind her. "Geez," she heaved with a blunt sigh.

A lumbering masculine form towered, wide-shouldered before her. She squinted for a look at his face, but an upturned trench coat collar and pointed brim hat cast shadows that hid his visage in the waning orange daylight.

The surge of adrenaline from the surprise began to evaporate, and Cass melted into a different form of unease. She studied the man, and ignored fight or flight signals pulsing at her to smarten-the-f**k up and run.

"You Cassie Kringle?" He stabbed a gloved fist into his breast pocket before Cass could answer.

Cass gulped, and forced a nervous hand out in front of her, opening it palm up before the man. "I ain't a Kringle." She kept her cool.

"Makes sense." The man yanked his fist out of his pocket, shoving a wad of crumpled paper into Cass' wanting hand. 

Cass wrestled for control over a gleeful smile, her lips curling ever so faintly at the corners. She withdrew the wad, staring down at it in both hands, and flipped through the plasti-paper bills while the man watched on. 

"Kringles ain't known to work for White Dawn after all."

Cass glared up from the score, contemplative, weighing whether she'd be right to snap at the man. Because, of course Kringles wouldn't work for White Dawn. Who would?

I would, she resigned, rolling her fingers through that considerable mouth-watering down payment of cash for some future service rendered. The fact that the man paying her was part of a dangerous group of bottom feeders -- a criminally sociopathic organization -- known across all of Blackwyrm and most of the Toran Quarter in general for their brutality, didn't seem to matter so much. 

Instead, Cass opted to suspend any machinations of self-righteousness and dignity, and continued counting through the fat pile of cash. She imagined throwing the cash around her head, the money promptly spinning around her while her eyes turned into gold coins, promising of all the fancy things she'd be able to buy if she didn't blow the job. Maybe she'd even get a suite in the Toran Quarter's Beijie district.

Cass looked up from the score of cash, before folding it neatly into one of her rear jean pockets. "It's Cass K now." She held out her hand, ready for a formal introduction.

The man clasped her hand in a stone cold shake, and pumped twice. "Call me Rook."

Reviews

[Wathanya.5KY3]

Intriguing first chapter. I have read Adventures of Jade and Erk and recognize the name Kringle, so I'm quite easily hooked. Your dialogue punctuation is getting better, you're getting really good at writing prose (not my forte), and you're nailing that show-don't-tell thing. Though I think "[t]he man before her was tall with a bulky upper body" could've been more vivid.

Other minor stuff:

1. "You Cassie Kringle?" He asked, immediately plunged a fist into his breast pocket before Cass could answer.

- He => he
- plunged => plunging (unsure, but this is how I'd write it)
- since you have "... before Cass could answer," I don't think "immediately" is necessary

2. Because of course Kringle's wouldn't work for White Dawn.

- Kringle's => Kringles (?) Are you talking about the place (Kringle's) or the family (Kringles)?

[JT Godin]

Thanks for the quick review — I'm working on brevity with this new project. Need something to take me off of Jade and Erk, as the editing process is long, and I'm starting to find a lot of stuff I want to rewrite.

Something I also wanted to know was if you thought the setting needed more description?

[Wathanya.5KY3]

I know that feeling. Rewriting is gonna take a lot of energy, so I wish you that and some luck as a cherry on top.

I don’t think you need more description. They’re in a park in autumn or winter, Rook making a down payment for a potentially illegal service and Cass rejecting the association with the family name Kringle. If you plan for this to not be part of the Jade and Erk series, you can continue your world building for new readers in the next chapter. Just make sure it’s more got-it-from-context than got-it-from-info-dumping.