Our Pictures

This is the letter to the woman I love, which I will not share with her... at least not now. I know it's a tendency for poets to write poems about loves lost -- but that is a trope I won't ascribe to.

We still live together, and even share the same bed. We're in that awkward phase where we are still co-dependent for the time being. Wounds are fresh, and thoughtful tears are intermittent.

It's not going to work out between us, and it breaks my heart to admit it.

The possibility of patching things up is there (or was there), and as difficult as it is, when I look at our photos, or photos of you, and see all the things that I want in my life, I have to ask myself the question "is it worth it?" Although, I don't WANT to feel like I'm closing a chapter in a book, but rather, that our story is worth continuing, the answer to that question seems to be a hesitant "no." In all my heart, you are the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And when I look at your face, my blurred vision reminds me that that is what I want. I don't ever want to stop seeing your face that way -- I don't ever want to stop looking at you, and seeing things that other people can't see. Five years with you was a lottery of happiness that has forever changed me as a person -- even through the hard times; and there have been many hard times of late.

I want to stand from tabletops, roofs, and mountains, and cry out "I love you!" But what would it accomplish? Three more months of trying, and failing? Or perhaps three more years?

Five years... it's been five years, that have gone by far too quickly. My own parents, dated, married, had children and separated in less time than we have been living together as a couple. My dad, was scarred so profoundly, in a way that seems to have affected him for life, while my mom was also affected negatively in her own way by the separation. I know that I can be resilient, through these times, and do what needs to be done. Even if it is so difficult to see something that I want more than anything, so close within reach, and know that it's not worth it. We would never be able to work out our differences, and in and of itself that makes me feel great sadness... considering how close we have been these past five years.

I don't know what happens next, but I know that the grown up thing to do is to hold no animosity over what was lost, and to leave things on as positive a note as possible. I don't want the pictures we've taken together to be marred, or disfigured by negative feelings. I want to be able to look at them, and I want to feel like it's okay for me to cry, without resenting what is gone from my life.

I nub you bao bao. I hope that a part of me will always love you. Now, when I see your pictures, and the stream of salty tears meets my lips, I know that what we had -- what we have -- is a very rare thing for anybody to experience. However, it's time for us to stop making pictures together. It's time for us to start new.

Reviews

[Anonymous]

This letter is written in a way that keeps the reader interested to find out what happens next, especially because some can relate to this.
Side Note: This is not as a writer-to-writer, but a human-to-human message - just give it time. And don't get back together. Rationally you realize that this is not going to work out, but love first and foremost is freedom. Freedom to be your own individuals and live a happy life. You will love again.

[Meraki]

The bittersweet emotions in this- I'm not even sure what to call it- is remarkable. I kind of feel like I'm intruding on something just reading it.

[JT Godin]

I was hoping to label it as a "letter" but there's no option for that. :/

[Meraki]

That's what I was thinking it was. Aside form that it's so heartfelt I feel like I read something I shouldn't have. Like I was snooping in your dia-journal and happened upon it. I feel guilty.