My eyes

I lifted my eighty-pound eyelids and sluggishly sobered up. Was I alright that day? I don't know. But there I was. The morning strangely quiet and black, I seemingly involuntarily went through my routine. I ate. I brushed my teeth. I took a shower. Why? I don't know, I just did it. I have to. Even if I swat away the lies, the negativity, they call their friends and flood me. I went outside. It's too cold. I looked at a flower. It's dead. Everything is dead.

I escaped my dream world with a jolt, a happy one. Looking forward to the day, my smile brightened my mind. How good this coffee is, with its familiar aroma and bitter taste. "Here I am!", I thought, active in my routine. My food so humble yet so satisfying. I enjoyed every last bite of my oatmeal. Having brushed my teeth, I took a soothing, hot shower. I head outside into the warm and humid air, which hugged me, welcomed me. How wonderfully green the grass is, the brightness of the leaves on the trees. How lively!

Author's Note

Half-story and half-poem.

Reviews

[Rosalie Kempthorne]

"they call their friends and flood me" - this an excellent line. The whole poem/mini-story gave a great sense of futility and mediocrity, the deadness of routine, and a sense of emptiness in the narrator's worldview. The "eighty-pound eyelashes" were also a great touch. And nice contrast with the second paragraph, the hope and positivity about the same following of daily routine, just showing (I guess this is the intention) the difference that viewpoint and attitude can make.

[Alexa Apothic Red]

I love this! I really like the line about observing the dead flower and calling everything dead and then you move back into your routine. I get the sense of trying to sober up and part of it is going through the motions of your routine and then the next part is being present in the wake up of the day. I love that switch as you see it happening (ironically coinciding with the coffee consumption?? :)) I can relate to that! I also like how you're talking yourself into perking up and still maybe a little intoxicated worshipping and finding pleasure in your coffee--again something I can totally relate to! Like, if I can just be present with myself for a moment and indulge in this cup (or 2) of coffee then I will be in control of the day ahead! Come on day!! The only thing confusing is the timing/sequence.. the first stanza describes not knowing why you went through the motions and ate, brushed teeth and got a shower.. and then you are musing about the food and some coffee in the second stanza and bring up taking a shower again so I was wondering if you got back in again but then thought you must have rushed through the routine in the first stanza and then contemplated on it more in the second. But again, I love the jolt of shaking off the dream and getting back to reality because the reader comes along for that and feels the jolt too just as we can relate to the same thing trying with all we've got to sober up and wake up. Great writing!