Apple Road

This poem is based on one of my most tragic memories and it was one of the darkest moments in my life�If you�re standing in that road you are not alone.

 

Apple Road

 

I slammed the refrigerator door

Placing the three apples I had removed into my back pack

Jumbled together with homework, some clothes, pictures of my father, and $130

All my good memories packed on my back

Ready to escape with me

“Where do you think you’re going” my mother yelled

I was standing at the front door

“Anywhere but here” I said sternly

Trying to hide my fear

She always took her problems out on me

And lately all she could talk about was dying

“If you’re going to kill yourself I ain’t gonna watch”

I shut the door behind me

And I ran…

I could see my breath as it hit the cold winter air

Where could I go

Who could I call

No one

I truly felt that I had no one

I wanted,

Needed

So badly to run

But where can you run when you are alone

I stopped at a dead end corner and hid behind a car

So just in case she looked

She wouldn’t find me

The air pierced my lungs like needles

The tears swelled in my eyes

No!

I won’t cry

I never cry

I can’t cry

The woman who owned the car exited her house

For a moment she just looked at me

Watching my face as I tried to keep from falling apart

“Sweetheart do you need some help?”

Should I tell her

Should I explain to this stranger the abuse I went through

How I keep it a secret to make my mom and her family happy

Could I tell her that I think my mom might kill herself

Or should I just make up a story

No!

What good would it do

How could she help me

She can’t rewind the past

Keep all the pain I have faced from happening

Or keep me from becoming someone that my mother won’t ever accept

She can’t save me

“No, I’m fine” I said flipping through the names on my phone

Trying to find a number

Any number

Just to talk and hear another voice

The woman went back in her house

I didn’t know if she would call the cops

I didn’t care

Eyeing the name of one of my friends I hit talk

I knew she couldn’t help me

And I knew if I went to her house

My mother would find me

I didn’t want that

We talked

Not long

It offered little comfort

I watched the cars as they sped down Goddard

I wanted it all to end

The cars could end it for me

They could take away the pain

My chest hurts

So does my stomach

I think I’m going to be sick

I opened my phone again and quickly scrolled to a name

I called my aunt

“Hi sweetie” she said hearing my voice

The tears I had been holding back rolled down my face

I had moved from behind the car

I now stood ankle deep in snow

Only feet from the road

Hidden by dead trees and brush

“I don’t know what to do” I said

My voice low

I was shaking from the cold

“Are you ok” she asked

Concern was mixed in with her words

Should I tell her

Yes…

But only some

I tell her about my mother

How she wants to die

I don’t tell her about the past

The abuse

I can't

I just can’t

I hang up the phone

She’s coming to get me

I don’t feel any better

I don’t say it

I’ll never say it!

I want to die

It hurts...

The sound of speeding cars and my own heartbeat drowns out everything else

I step on to the curb

And I grab the cross dangling around my neck

“God I can’t do this!”

I scream up to heaven

I wanted to step in front of the traffic

To be released

I removed one of the apples from my back pack

I threw it into the road

And I watched as a black SUV smashed it into the tar

That could have been me

But it wasn’t…

 

 

 

Author's Note

If you�re standing in that road you are not alone�

Reviews

[EmpressPoetess]

I hope you're getting therapy, little lamb. PTSD symptoms are screaming all around you! You bottle it up, one day it floods out, and you crash. Don't let that happen! Stand tall and fight it, sweetie! Get help to move it out, away from who you're becoming, let it seep out with who you used to be. Shed that old bruised skin, so you can soar, butterfly! Luv ya!
Empress

Hi Voice

Great title and great ending turning back to the apple in the beginning packed in the backpack.
I'm not big on traditional structure, but this seems like a great short story that you've typed in poem form.
I see you are very conscious of the emphasis created by line breaks, but I think your lines are powerful enough to stand on their own as story text.

Nice write.
Hattie

[Fabian G. Franklin]

You have a fight here that you are close to; you know the enemy, use that knowledge to educate and prevent this sort of thing from happening to others. We must break the code of silence and dirty little secrets. Too many children are victims of neglect and abuse. This was a sad and touching write.

[Wildecat]

I disdain abuse of anykind and if this really happened to you then my heart goes out to you. If it is just a poem you wrote then I applaud you. For addressing a subject many people are afraid to talk about. Some how this kind of stuff has to be stopped.