Apple Road

This poem is based on one of my most tragic memories and it was one of the darkest moments in my life�If you�re standing in that road you are not alone.

 

Apple Road

 

I slammed the refrigerator door

Placing the three apples I had removed into my back pack

Jumbled together with homework, some clothes, pictures of my father, and $130

All my good memories packed on my back

Ready to escape with me

“Where do you think you’re going” my mother yelled

I was standing at the front door

“Anywhere but here” I said sternly

Trying to hide my fear

She always took her problems out on me

And lately all she could talk about was dying

“If you’re going to kill yourself I ain’t gonna watch”

I shut the door behind me

And I ran…

I could see my breath as it hit the cold winter air

Where could I go

Who could I call

No one

I truly felt that I had no one

I wanted,

Needed

So badly to run

But where can you run when you are alone

I stopped at a dead end corner and hid behind a car

So just in case she looked

She wouldn’t find me

The air pierced my lungs like needles

The tears swelled in my eyes

No!

I won’t cry

I never cry

I can’t cry

The woman who owned the car exited her house

For a moment she just looked at me

Watching my face as I tried to keep from falling apart

“Sweetheart do you need some help?”

Should I tell her

Should I explain to this stranger the abuse I went through

How I keep it a secret to make my mom and her family happy

Could I tell her that I think my mom might kill herself

Or should I just make up a story

No!

What good would it do

How could she help me

She can’t rewind the past

Keep all the pain I have faced from happening

Or keep me from becoming someone that my mother won’t ever accept

She can’t save me

“No, I’m fine” I said flipping through the names on my phone

Trying to find a number

Any number

Just to talk and hear another voice

The woman went back in her house

I didn’t know if she would call the cops

I didn’t care

Eyeing the name of one of my friends I hit talk

I knew she couldn’t help me

And I knew if I went to her house

My mother would find me

I didn’t want that

We talked

Not long

It offered little comfort

I watched the cars as they sped down Goddard

I wanted it all to end

The cars could end it for me

They could take away the pain

My chest hurts

So does my stomach

I think I’m going to be sick

I opened my phone again and quickly scrolled to a name

I called my aunt

“Hi sweetie” she said hearing my voice

The tears I had been holding back rolled down my face

I had moved from behind the car

I now stood ankle deep in snow

Only feet from the road

Hidden by dead trees and brush

“I don’t know what to do” I said

My voice low

I was shaking from the cold

“Are you ok” she asked

Concern was mixed in with her words

Should I tell her

Yes…

But only some

I tell her about my mother

How she wants to die

I don’t tell her about the past

The abuse

I can't

I just can’t

I hang up the phone

She’s coming to get me

I don’t feel any better

I don’t say it

I’ll never say it!

I want to die

It hurts...

The sound of speeding cars and my own heartbeat drowns out everything else

I step on to the curb

And I grab the cross dangling around my neck

“God I can’t do this!”

I scream up to heaven

I wanted to step in front of the traffic

To be released

I removed one of the apples from my back pack

I threw it into the road

And I watched as a black SUV smashed it into the tar

That could have been me

But it wasn’t…

 

 

 

Author's Note

If you�re standing in that road you are not alone�

Reviews

[EmpressPoetess]

I hope you're getting therapy, little lamb. PTSD symptoms are screaming all around you! You bottle it up, one day it floods out, and you crash. Don't let that happen! Stand tall and fight it, sweetie! Get help to move it out, away from who you're becoming, let it seep out with who you used to be. Shed that old bruised skin, so you can soar, butterfly! Luv ya!
Empress

[Voice11]

wow, I really like this, it is a really good story and tells a lot about what you can feel going through mental abuse and even physical abuse. You truely are a great Voice

[Charles D. Moorer]

Niceely done. I feel this very deeply. Sometimes we think we are alone, but look over your shoulder and you'll find me, waiting.

[Susan]

WOW! OMG! This is so powerful and i am so grateful that you are still here. jUst know that there are those out there that do care and are there for you, even if its just a shoulder to lean on to cry on...Just ask for help and it is there. And if hte situation does get worse, then get out of there IMMEDIATELY! and go somewhere where you'll be safe.

[Carolin Meisner]

wow! The poem is so good!
and everything you write has a point!
And everything you meen with the poem, is like i know!
and in one moment it feelt like you were afraid.
And it is ok to bee that to! and it is ok to even cry!

The poem was so fantastic!
thank you for letting me reed it!

// K-roo

[Mark]

Sorry, I just re-read the poem and two symbols had eluded me, so skillful was your weaving of them. The Apple, that sweet, fragile, easily bruised fruit is herself (yourself?)., and the black SUV, evil, or just life in general, overwhelming and obliterating her tender existance. Very nicely done, especially as you ended with the single hopeful note of the write, "But it wasn't...", suggesting that, in the nick of time, she'd mustered her strength, and the strength of her Creator, sufficiently to pull back from the brink.Wonderful!

[Mark]

Whether this is a work of imagination or a work of biography, I will not attempt to guess. The choppy sentences, the repeated phrases, are wonderfully, horrible evocative of a mind trapped without
means of escape. How easy it is in those times to lose sight of the fact that God, though He does not
CONDONE evil. permits it in order to strengthen us for future duties in His Kingdom. Do you suppose John
Walsh was angry at God when Adam was kidnapped? Or course!, but look at the thousands of children who
have been saved as a result of that inexplicable tragedy. Tragedy, horror, pain are unavoidable, but if we
keep our eyes on the Lord (and our knees on the linoleum!), a small seed of pain can yield a cast tree of
blessing. "I will never leave you, nor forsake you...the Lord is my Helper, and I will not fear what Man
shall do unto me." (Hebrews 13:5,6)

[Ralphy]

Wow, the drama in this is so surreal, although I know it too well. In the course of my life I've lost many friends to this pain...I also saved many too. You're a awesome woman Voice...you are.

[Anna]

Brilliance !


But you probably new this..

[Gema]

Wow it is so precious life and yet some times we do not how to handle it!
Voice your words tell a whole book only a few words and you have told us a life time!
Your words are free and simple but tell us the pain you feel inside and we can feel you are slowly coming to terms with it and handling it in your own way which i admire!
You have everything to live for you can be anyone you want to be shed your past like a cocoon and fly!
You have everything to live for now
xXxGemxXx

[R.Z.M.]

this is beautiful, it really is beautiful. Tragic, yes, but the freedom sought and the stubborn will of a young soul to live a better life... amazing.