Self hate

I fucked up
I thought I was doing the right thing
I thought things wouldnt erupt
Now all I can do is sit up crying
I fucked up all of it
I lost my love and I'm to blame
For every scrap and bit
Has carved in my foolish name
I can't come back from this
I can't fix it
I know this is a f*****g miss
I know I fucked every single bit
And yet I sit here foolishly saying
Keep your head up, take your meds
Move away from the spot you're staying
Don't worry your pretty head
No I cant listen, I now it cant be fixed
These lies in my head
They get my feelings all jumbled and mixed
They want to pull me down and dead
I fucked up, stop taunting me
He's not coming back
Why wont you just leave me be
It's time to just return to the sack
I'm nothing
I'm wretched
Yet still
I love you
Whole heartedly
And you....
My pianist is gone
My house is empty...
Please...let me go home...
I'm so tired...
I wont be surprised if you dont see
I dont deserve you eyes on me
You are precious, a full silver moon
I love you...