Faces

This is me... and my War.

We all have faces inside of us...

Dark faces.

Light faces.

Twisted faces.

Kind faces.

One and two.

Two and three.

Three and four.

Any number of them.

Mine like to fight. Nuevo... the new me. The one I'm becoming... he's always at war with Spike... my past me. And in the middle of it all is the negotiator, the one that is a little of both... Blade. Those are my main three.

Nuevo is the resilient, strong, kind, helpful, caring, positive me, that works out, and so many other things. The one I've just started being about a year ago.

Spike is the gang banger me, the druggie me, the angry me, the violent me, the cutter me, the class cutter me, the fighter me, the dangerous me, the rapper me, the in pain me, the fucked up me... the one I've been the longest, nearly all my life.

Blade is in between, the one I am whenever I don't want to be either and I'm neither... sort of like Greek/Roman gods... how they got split between their two personalities, and was either one, or the other, or some conflicted unable to do anything in between one. He's always existed, because even before either Nuevo or Spike existed, there was pieces of them floating around that formed what they are now.

Nuevo is a warrior, a leader, a soldier, a general, a helper, a lover, a symbol, a hero, good.

Spike is an assassin, a Pain Bearer, a Pain Dealer, a killer, someone that hurts everyone else around him, a villain, evil.

Blade is both... just like Tech N9ne said: EBAH. Evil Brain, Angel Heart.

It feels like I'm in a constant battle between the three of these sources... these faces... these sides. And what scares me more than anything else in this world is...

I don't know which one is going to win.

Author's Note

I don't... I don't know who will win... I sure to God hope it's Nuevo, but so many days I feel like Spike, and he's always watching... that darker part of me, that part I've talked about in my raps, my Evil Twin. And I can't sit indecisive as Blade, because eventually, one of them will need to win, the other will have to die, and Blade as he is now will cease to exist and will become whichever one survives.

Reviews

[Jerome F Knox III pseud..]

some I am flashing back to the Psychology 101 and what comes to mind is the Id, Ego and Superego...so if I remember correct Blade-Superego, Spike the ID and Neuvo the Ego... I could be wrong? this was well thought out and the descriptions were dead on..good job

[The StoryTeller]

I don't know about the whole Psychology part... I just know that as I try to change, the way I used to be, the way I'm becoming, the way I am... The forces pulling me and the things I'm trying to become and the things I want I know are just me trying to change, but they're so strong they feel like multiple personalities, multiple people.

[Tks]

You remind me slightly of a younger version of myself, Blade. While I do hope that Nuevo wins, keep in mind that Spike is never far behind. He will always be hidden deep within, doing pushups in the depth of your soul, readying himself for his return.
Channel all of your sources into becoming Nuevo, my friend. I really liked how you wrote about this topic, despite knowing that some may try to label you as a self-deluded person. Such courage to openly speak about it, leads me to think that you have a very bright future ahead:) Have a good day ahead, crush those weights!

[The StoryTeller]

Thank you Tks... and yes, while I know that they'll be like it's just you trying to change, the forces pulling me, the things I want to do, are so strong that it almost feels like they're multiple personalities, almost like different people. And yeah, I know he'll never go away, but I hope to make it so he barely ever pops up, and so I've beaten him so far down and made Nuevo so strong (with Blade together, I guess, I mean, whoever wins, Blade becomes) that Spike won't have much strength to fight and Nuevo will be so strong that it will be really easy to push him back down.

[Cool Girl]

I understand what you mean here. It is really a scary thought...

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, and I'm having so much trouble fighting Spike... I mean, of course it's not three people warring in me, it's just me trying to change my nature and change... but the forces, the things I'm pulled too, that I want to do, are so strong, that it's almost like they're other personalities, almost like they're different people.

[Cool Girl]

Well, try really really hard to fight Spike! You must win before you lose yourself..

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, but who am I?

[Cool Girl]

A person! xD

[The StoryTeller]

I meant that as a serious question though. Who am I really? Who am I losing? Or am I losing anyone at all? Or is it just the person that I'm becoming that I'm losing?

[Cool Girl]

For now, you are Blade; my friend, Blade

[The StoryTeller]

And who is he?

[Cool Girl]

A Good person with a kind heart.

[The StoryTeller]

Okay, I guess he... I... we... I don't know? Me? Yes, me, I, can live with that for now.

[The StoryTeller]

Even if I don't fully believe it myself.

[Cool Girl]

Well, I believe it..

[The StoryTeller]

I guess that's worth it.

[Cool Girl]

:)
(I really do hate the word restrictions on this xD)

[The StoryTeller]

........... yeah

[Cool Girl]

I have a dress down day tomorrow! (I go to a preparatory school..)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I have no school tomorrow. Or Monday for that matter. :P Four day weekend with amazing Imagine Dragons, Walking Dead, Writers Cafe, Diablo III, Skyrim, League Of Legends, Memes, and infectious happiness! :D

[Cool Girl]

Lucky! I'm off on Monday though:)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, nice, I'm off twice as much as you. Have you listened to Imagine Dragon's song Gold? You need to if you haven't. OMG it's so amazing, and it's giving me this super confident super happy super amazing mood!

[Cool Girl]

Omg I LOVE that song!!

[The StoryTeller]

YES! SO AMAZING! I'M LISTENING TO IT RIGHT NOW ON REPEAT! LISTEN WITH ME!

[Cool Girl]

Okay I'll listen!!!!

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I'm listening to it on:


http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=Rl3ELiPXFRo#Imagine_Dragons_-_Gold

[Cool Girl]

Hahaha...... Ok

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I'm kind of creeped out now... I was just reading up on Ouija boards.

[Cool Girl]

you really shouldn't have.. Lolol

[The StoryTeller]

...Why? XD

[Cool Girl]

Because because.. Lol

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, that's not an answer but okay. XD

[Cool Girl]

Hahaha I won a contest!

[The StoryTeller]

...........Nice!

[Cool Girl]

Yeah, I'm really happy :)

[The StoryTeller]

Good for you! :)

[Cool Girl]

Thanks so much :)

[The StoryTeller]

No problem!

[Roshan Nair]

I loved the tri(?)chotomy of your personality as you've shown it. seems like stuff you hear in those ever engaging manga or anime comics. Really interesting take on how you view yourself inside and how these personalities confluence together to cause your actions... btw the victor might just be ANY 2 of them than just one ;) Nice insight and great work again! :)

[The StoryTeller]

I'm glad you liked it, and while I can understand the anime perspective, no, that's not where this came from. I had a massive battle between the three of them yesterday, and was super depressed when I wrote this, but I figured I'd better write it. And yeah, it probably will be two, because whichever one wins, that's who Blade will become in my mind. It's like this personal war I have going on in me as I try to change, and the sides pulling me that I want to go to are so strong it's almost like they're other personalities, other people.

[Ishita Dixit]

Nuevo! Nuevo! Nuevo!
Although Blade knows that I don't hate Spike. But Blade also knows that I love Nuevo more and would love to see him win!
And don't feel sorry for Blade, I like him too! :P
Great writing my friend! As always...

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I'm glad you liked it... and yes, from some of the things I've told you and how you've reacted, I know you don't hate Spike... but it would probably be better if he wasn't around. And Blade will still exist after either Nuevo or Spike wins, it's just that whichever one wins Blade will become them. Just... Spike is so ingrained, and I'd really rather not be him.

[Ishita Dixit]

Nuevo will win. I place my bets on him.: )

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, why thank you. :) (From Nuevo)

[Ishita Dixit]

Aww! You're welcome Nuevo! :)

[The StoryTeller]

.......... :)

[catney123]

This is very amazing, I like learning about your different sides; very interesting.

[The StoryTeller]

I said I have a dark past, even though I don't like to talk about it. I'm feeling better now, but I was feeling really low when I posted this like an hour ago, and really, really close to Spike. And that's bad and dangerous, and now I'm back to Nuevo and fighting. Anyways, lol, why do you like learning about my different sides? Do you mean people's in general, or mine specifically? And if mine specifically, why?

[catney123]

I just like to learn about other people's sides it can show how people struggle or even who they are it has actually helped me see who my ex-friends really where when we where friends. Now I look at people's many sides before I know I can trust them; since in the past I have thought my closest friends where real friends but where frauds that lied and stabbed me in the back since I trusted them to well; it still affects me today.

[The StoryTeller]

That makes a lot of sense, and if you're looking at me, don't worry. I'm not one of those people - I won't hurt you. I've hurt enough people in my past, and that should stay in my past, and not become part of the me I'm becoming today. I just still struggle against the old me because it's so ingrained.

[catney123]

I can see that you are struggling; at least you are trying to be a better person some people do not even try.

[The StoryTeller]

That's true... I'd just really having experienced so much of the pain in the world in so many ways not add to it, and instead diminish it.