Chapter One Of The Book Armageddon Sneak Peek

Sneak peek at Chapter One! :p

One

I startle awake, twisted in my sheets and drenched in sweat. It was just a dream, I tell myself. Just a dream. The vivid nightmares still lurk behind my eyelids though. Dreams of men turning into beasts, spirits in their ghastly death appearances, and shadows acting of their own accord. The nightmares of men, dreams of the supernatural. Just dreams. They don’t exist.

Slowly, my racing heart quiets. My breathing eases. A dim reddish light enters through the sides of my blackout curtain on my window. I check my bedside clock. It reads June 7th, 2020, 6:45 A.M. Well, it’s mid summer so the sun must be up. I climb out of my sweat soaked sheets and grab a pair of shorts off of the floor. I throw them on over my boxers, the only thing I wear to bed.

I fumble across my darkened room to my light switch. As I flip it on, I turn back towards my bed. The lightbulb flips on, then burns out with a crack. In the flash I see a pale person in front of me, very dead looking, with black stuff coming out of it’s empty eye sockets and mouth. I yell out and fall back against my bedroom door, falling to the ground in a sitting position.

My arms fly over my head, elbows on my knees, my head bent against my stomach. I sit there for a second, terrified, my heart fluttering wildly again, my breathing ragged. Then I slowly move my hands off of my head, slowly lifting my face. There’s nothing there. What the hell? I think. I’m hallucinating. Or just a little weird after that dream. Get a grip Isaac, I think.

You can’t go crazy. I begin to stand up slowly, my eyes scanning my room. I reach my feet and keep my back against the door. Maybe I was just dreaming. Sleepwalking. Then I see the bed. And the glass sprinkled all over the bed. God, no, this can’t be happening. I take a step forward. Just then the door behind me blows off of it’s hinges with a cacophonous crack.

I spin to face the door and a shadow materializes from nowhere, flying through the air, darker than the rest of the darkness. It slams into me, tackling me to the bed. I gasp as the glass enters my back. I’m suddenly in a fight of life and death as it pulls out a phantom dagger made of darkness, trying to slit my throat.

I writhe beneath it and end up squirming out from underneath it. I fall off of the bed to the ground. It dives down after me, lightning fast. I roll out of the way and it lands where I was. It leaps and comes down, knife aimed at my chest in a downward slash. I react strictly on instinct and startle myself.

My hands darts out inhumanely fast and grabs the dagger as my body contorts into a C. With insane strength I twist the dagger up into the thing’s throat. A piercing scream just short of a dog whistle and loud enough for me to hear comes out of the shadow’s mouth and I fall to the ground writhing in pain, covering my ears.

I stop writhing minutes after the scream ends, slowly, cautiously, uncovering my ears. There’s an echo in my ears getting ever quieter and it feels like the scream was longer than it was. If only to make things more weird, my phone rings. House phone in the kitchen on the counter. Meaning I have to go through the hallway, out into my living room, through my dining room, and into my kitchen. Great. I reach back to my back to take out the glass and am astonished to find there isn’t even a cut as I feel across my skin. How is that even possible? I resolve to think on it later and focus my attention on getting to the phone.

Four rooms. Beautiful. Considering I just nearly died and was attacked by… things… If this is all real this is going to be a bloodbath. God, I think. Wish I watched Ghost Hunters or Constantine or Paranormal Activity or something like that so I’d know what to do in this type of situation.

Or at least know a way to fight. If I had any doubt of myself seeing stuff and this not being real they vanished in the next moment. Something behind me, in the doorway taps me on my shoulder. I spin around, my hand raised to hit something, and I freeze. Nothing’s there. A cackle sounds behind me and I spin again.

This time a maniacal homicidal clown stares at me. He has a red ball nose, tie-dyed yellow, red, and blue hair, as well as green, white, and orange facepaint. His clothes are purple, pink, and black, with polka dots and stripes, as well as stretches of solid color. His skin is as pale as a sheet.

None of these are what catches my eye though, even as crazy as the clashing colors are. No, what catches my eye is his bloodshot, red pupiled eyes, the blood splattered all over his clothes, and the machete in his upraised right hand with blood all over it and what looks like bits of flesh.

He cackles maniacally, his glowing, yes, glowing now, red eyes lighting up with an evil crazy glint. As he begins to drop his arm to behead me I dart forward, again superhumanly fast. I don’t stop to marvel at it this time. My house has turned into a house of horrors, and if I stay still for a single second I could die.

I shove the clown and dart towards the door, with the same burst of speed. The clown slams into the bed, glass crunching into his back. The falling machete slams into his right hamstring with a sickening squelch and crunch as it hits bone. And yet, the apparently unfeeling clown pulls the machete out of his leg and begins to stand up.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think of this sneak peek of Chapter One (full version coming soon) in the book of Armageddon. :)

Reviews

[iNSOMniAC]

Ooh! I love stories like this! It really leaves the reader thinking. Sometimes I do find myself in this kind of situation - I either hear things or see them, and in reality, they don't even exist. Good job! I'd like to see more!

Suggestions:

"It was just a dream, I tell myself. Just a dream. The vivid nightmares still lurk behind my eyelids though." - "It was just a dream, I tell myself. Just a dream. The vivid nightmares still lurk behind my eyelids, though." (I'd recommend using "It was just a dream" and "Just a dream" in slanted words to imitate that your character is thinking to himself)

"The nightmares of men, dreams of the supernatural." - "The nightmares of men - the dreams of the supernatural."

"Well, it’s mid summer so the sun must be up." - "Well, it’s mid summer, so the sun must be up."

"I throw them on over my boxers, the only thing I wear to bed." - "I throw them on over my boxers, which is the only thing that I wear to bed."

"I yell out and fall back against my bedroom door, falling to the ground in a sitting position." - "I yell out and fall back against my bedroom door, sliding to the ground in a sitting position."

"My arms fly over my head, elbows on my knees, my head bent against my stomach." - "My arms fly over my head, my elbows on my knees and my head bent against my stomach."

"Then I slowly move my hands off of my head, slowly lifting my face." - "Then, I slowly move my hands off of my head, cautiously lifting my face."

"Or just a little weird after that dream." - "Or maybe just a little weird after-dream."

"Get a grip Isaac, I think. You can’t go crazy." - ""Get a grip, Isaac, I think. You can’t go crazy." (I'd suggest putting "You can't go crazy" in slanted words, too)

"With insane strength I twist the dagger up into the thing’s throat. A piercing scream just short of a dog whistle and loud enough for me to hear comes out of the shadow’s mouth and I fall to the ground writhing in pain, covering my ears." - "With insane strength, I twist the dagger up into the figure’s throat. A piercing scream just short of a dog whistle is loud enough for me to hear, and it comes out of the shadow’s mouth. I fall to the ground, writhing in pain and covering my ears."

"I stop writhing minutes after the scream ends, slowly, cautiously, uncovering my ears. There’s an echo in my ears getting ever quieter and it feels like the scream was longer than it was." - "I stop writhing minutes after the scream ends, slowly and cautiously, uncovering my ears. There’s an echo in my head, getting ever quieter, and it feels like the scream was longer than it actually was."

"House phone in the kitchen on the counter. Meaning I have to go through the hallway, out into my living room, through my dining room, and into my kitchen." - "It's the house phone in the kitchen, on the counter... which means that I have to go through the hallway, out into my living room, through my dining room, and into my kitchen."

"I reach back to my back to take out the glass and am astonished to find there isn’t even a cut as I feel across my skin." - "I reach my hand out behind me to take the glass out of my back, and I am astonished to find that there isn’t even a cut as I glide my fingers across my skin."

"Beautiful. Considering I just nearly died and was attacked by… things… If this is all real this is going to be a bloodbath. God, I think. Wish I watched Ghost Hunters or Constantine or Paranormal Activity or something like that so I’d know what to do in this type of situation. Or at least know a way to fight." - "Beautiful, considering that I just nearly died and was attacked by… visions. If this is all real, then this is going to be a bloodbath. God, I think. Wish I watched Ghost Hunters or Constantine or Paranormal Activity or something like that so I’d know what to do in this type of situation, or at least know a way to fight."

"If I had any doubt of myself seeing stuff and this not being real they vanished in the next moment. Something behind me, in the doorway taps me on my shoulder." - "If I had any doubt of myself seeing things and this not being real, they vanished in the next moment. Something behind me in the doorway tapped me on my shoulder."

"His skin is as pale as a sheet." - "His skin is as pale as a sheet of snow." (Considering that not all bed-sheets are white)

"He cackles maniacally, his glowing, yes, glowing now, red eyes lighting up with an evil crazy glint. As he begins to drop his arm to behead me I dart forward, again superhumanly fast." - "He cackles insanely, his red, glowing eyes lighting up with an evil, crazy glint. As he begins to drop his arm to behead me, I dart forward, once again with inhuman speed."


"My house has turned into a house of horrors, and if I stay still for a single second I could die." - "My home has turned into a house of horrors, and if I stay still for a single second, I could die."

[iNSOMniAC]

(And I love the name of the book, by the way.)

[The StoryTeller]

Oh, wow, that was a really in depth comment, thank you. :) I'm glad you like the name of the book. I'm still typing Chapter One, this is just what I have thus far. I'll send you a read request for the book so you know what it is. :) Have you read the Introduction?

[iNSOMniAC]

I haven't, but I'm looking at it right now. I was sent here via read request, and I promise to look at my requests when I get the time. I couldn't do the ones from before because I was extremely busy - I still am, but I accept read requests now. Sorry, that was confusing. xD

[The StoryTeller]

No, I gotcha, and on any of my writing, take your time. Like I said in my about me, I don't require you to read my work no matter what. Even if I sent you a read request. :p

[iNSOMniAC]

True, but I do enjoy reading your work. You're an amazing author!

[The StoryTeller]

:) Thank you. I don't just write books though. I write songs, raps, poetry, stories, journals, inspirational subjects, etc. You leave such in depth comments I have this desire for you to read all my work. xD But I'm sure you have others stuff to read too so.... XD

[iNSOMniAC]

Nahh, I'd love to read all of your work!

[The StoryTeller]

Okay, well, like I said in reply to the other comment, I've sent it all. :) I kind of feel bad about it, but I guess I shouldn't.

[iNSOMniAC]

Even if you didn't send me the requests, I would have reviewed every single piece of your work. You have no reason to feel bad. You have a true fan that supports you - you should be glad!

[The StoryTeller]

Really? Wow, thank you. You can send me requests too for your work. :)

[iNSOMniAC]

I wouldn't worry about that. My work isn't very... well... decent, and I wouldn't expect anyone to glance at such a monstrosity. x3 Thanks for letting me read your work, though.

[The StoryTeller]

I'll read your work. :D And lol, it wasn't exactly like I could stop you, it being public and all, but np. ;)

[Coyote Poetry]

You put a lot in the opening chapter. You create good situation, characters and situations. I wanted to read and know more. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Chain of Hearts]

To be honest, I'm more into mysteries, and romance books rather than horror...but overall I think it's pretty good, really had me shaken up (in a good way of course :) ). Very intriguing and scary at the same time.
Keep writing!

[Nene]

AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Amazing!!! I read it at midnight in bed n seriously got shivers...... Cant wait to see what happens next :D

[Meat of Dog]

Ooh a sneak peak. Be sure to send an RR my way when the chapter comes out. This, I can tell, will be an interesting suspense story. I feel like a little more context is needed here regarding this situation. We don’t know anything about this narrator. Are they human? Was the insane strength and speed used from adrenaline, or are they also supernatural in some way? It was a little chaotic but I know it was just a snippet.


Suggestions:

~ “Dreams of men turning into beasts, spirits in their ghastly death appearances, and…” This is a fragment sentence. You could fix it by adding ‘they were’ before ‘dreams’, or something similar. Same here: “The nightmares of men, dreams of the supernatural.” You could instead say “The nightmares of men, and dreams of the supernatural, are just dreams.”
~ “mid summer so” Mid-summer.
~ “darker than the rest of the darkness” This is a nitpick but that’s a little redundant.
~ “make things more weird” Weirder.

[The StoryTeller]

Most of that you'll find out towards the end of Chapters 2 and 3, which I have to type up first. I mean, you don't know everything right away, y'know what I mean? Just like in real life. Thank you for your suggestions, I'll look at them with everyone else. And of course I'll send you a RR when I get the rest posted for Chapter One. :) Thank you for reading the sneak peek.

[Tks]

Other than a few grammatical inconsistencies( which i am sure you would have fixed by now), I found this to be an intriguing read. Keep up the good work, send me a request for Chapter 2! Waiting eagerly for it.

[The StoryTeller]

Okay, I'm still working on typing the rest of Chapter One, and I'm debating typing up the first 2 Chapters in one of my other books so.... and yes, I've probably fixed them by now but if I haven't when you read the full version of Chapter One let me know. I'm glad you liked it. :)

[TwistedAngel]

Nicely written. The story immediately captivated me and I was very interested. Your description was also very good and I could actually see what was happening (and feel the fear) as if I was part of the story.
The first sentence bothers me though.
"I startle awake," Where I think you could've written something like
"i waken with a gasp." or something in that context. Just go over the sentence to make sure it sounds right. And also check the sentence structure in the rest of your story.
But i enjoyed it and would love to read the rest of your story.

[The StoryTeller]

I'm glad you liked it and thank you for your suggestions! The Introduction is on my page if you haven't read it and the first (full) Chapter will be posted soon.

[TwistedAngel]

Thank you. I will take a look.

[The StoryTeller]

No problem. And thank you for taking a look. :)

[Cruz Niq]

Awesome! My suggestions are grammatical as I have little tact with writing horror.
However, I advise you look over your work sentence by sentence, ask yourself if you need all the extra information or if it can be worded differently for a better flow.
"I writhe beneath it and end up squirming out from underneath it."
Can become
"I writhe beneath it until I am free" or "I writhe until I free myself from underneath it."

Your character is thinking in first POV, therefore you can simply use italics for their thoughts. You don't have to end it with "I think."

Comma's: You don't always need them. It's easy to get lost in them, I have to be careful myself.
Imagine if I wrote a book, and the things I wrote were broken up with commas, so it throws you off, because comma's are pauses, and it can get confusing.
*
Imagine if I write a book and the things I wrote were broken up with commas. So it throws you off because comma's are pauses. It can get confusing.

Remember to also show and not tell:
Jimmy walks into the apartment as if he were entitled.
or
Jimmy saunters inside the apartment like he was the one that paid the bills.

Good luck with the rest of your story!

[The StoryTeller]

Thank you for your advice, and yes, I noticed I have some repetitions I have to work through, and some other things I need to work on. Thanks for giving me your input! I'll take it into consideration, and I hope you stick around to read the rest of the story!

[Mason Red]

Your way of describing things is really good. The way you tell the story draws you in. There's some kind of perfect balance between thought, sense and action to it and it keeps you to read, so good job!

I have some notes though, presuming this is a full-on horror story. Horror comes in 3 elements, and (preferably for me) all are used in a horror story. There is actual horror, which you use here mostly. It's the direct fear in front of you -- you want to run, you want to hide, there is something dangerous and despicable present and you want it gone. Then secondly there is terror, which is different. This is where the protagonist suspects something, but doesn't know if it's actually there. The third is gross out; disgust someone; blood, gore, wounds? You use all of these elements, which is good.

In general, terror is defined worse than actual horror or grossing out because there is a kind of madness and helplessness to it -- suspense. This is what I think makes a great horror story, and I think you could use some more of it. You jump pretty fast from one fear to another. Maybe it's an idea to build more towards such fears using suspense -- terror, making it worse when such a fear actually presents itself. The time it takes to create suspense is also a great way to connect with the protagonist, getting some more thoughts out of him.

I think your way of describing things is really good, but maybe in some cases too much. Knowing too much about what's there makes you less scared of something. The shadow was great. It was dark and mysterious, which makes it creepy. There was maybe too much description when it comes to the clown, though, which indicates the protagonist has time to look at it, observing it, creating rest, maybe even growing attached to it, and I don't think you want to give the reader rest, you want to scare the living hell out of them!

I loved reading this and I would like to see where the story brings us! Cheers.

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I'm glad you liked it, I should have all of Chapter One posted soon, if you haven't read the Introduction, you should. And eventually there will be a down time that Isaac will be with his thoughts. Also, I chose my character names very specifically, and have the personalities (for the most part) to match. Isaac is from the Bible, and I noticed that while he has fear, he is very quick-witted and notices things, so I figured I would incorporate that. Anyways, stick around if you want to read more. :)

[Ishita Dixit]

I like how you added humour to horror.
And that clown! Clowns are never funny after midnight. I'll be looking forward to read the rest of it. I want to know whether Issac was dreaming or was he screwed for real?
Nice job.
Way to go Blade! :)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, no they aren't, especially not ones with machetes :p He was.... never mind you have to read to find out. :p

[Ishita Dixit]

I'll be waiting! No not for your flight. (kidding)
For the remaining part of this book! XD

[The StoryTeller]

Lolololololol not for my flight jk... Anyways, okay. :P

[Ishita Dixit]

:)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, how did you get it to post less than 10 characters? And why'd you delete your comment?

[Ishita Dixit]

Magic! :P
The one deleted was also a smiley. Same old server issues! -.-

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, and double lol... I can't put a smiley face right now...

[Ishita Dixit]

:) :) :) :) :)

[The StoryTeller]

Enough smiley faces for the both of us? I wasn't not able to do it because of the Internet or something like that, I'm just really down.

[luvs2write]

First, I loved it. I'm not just saying that either. It really is something that I will be looking forward to reading more of. =) I like the way you SHOWED us that we were in the future instead of TELLING us. A clown?? You just gave me nightmares. And I mean that in the best way possible. I do have a questionsuggestion though. I was just thinking...in the last few paragraphs shouldn't Isaac be scared out of his mind? I mean, you could be showing something that my coffee addled mind just isn't picking up on yet. Anyway, my only suggestion would be to just add in a tiny bit of fear and anxiety. Like...(just an example) "His maniacle cackle sends shivers up my spine." OR "I stand frozen in fear (if he's the kind of guy that gets frozen with fear...I'm not really sure since this is just the first part of chapter 1) as the apparently unfeeling clown begins to stand up." I dunno, just a minor suggestion. I seriously like this though, and I'm hoping to get some creeper bajeepers (if that's a word...) out of it. =)

[The StoryTeller]

Okay, so of course you wouldn't know this yet, only my friends that I go to school with and my family do, but my name choices aren't willy nilly. They are intentional. Think, who is Isaac? Think through all the famous figures/mythological/supernatural/Biblical people you can. Also think of who was Enkidu? If you can figure out who those two are, and know who they are and have read their stories, you will see why Isaac acts the way he does. Oh, and I'm glad you liked it, and yes, I don't like to be a narrator that lets you know he's there, which would happen if I said we were in the future. Also, I haven't really seen the world, so it being in the future allows me to create a world I want, rather than sticking to one we have, and without leaving the one we have and creating an entire new world and universe. Know what I mean? Oh, if you can't figure out who those two people are, let me know and I'll give you a hint.

[luvs2write]

I know who Isaac and Enkidu are...but it's past 10 and my brain refuses to make the connection. Maybe I should stop reviewing until tomorrow...I think I'm embarrassing myself. =|

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, Isaac is from the Bible, Enkidu is from the Epic Of Gilgamesh. If you haven't read those books in awhile (not the entire Bible, just the parts Issac is in) then I suggest you do, and then my characters might make a little more sentence. Sneak peak: There is another character named John Baptist.

[The StoryTeller]

In Chapter One that is.