Shattered (Only Part Of Full Version)

So, my friend was being bullied; I didn't know. Then right after we had hip-hop artist Judah come to our school to talk about bullying, they did it again. More in Note For Reviewers.

Impeccable timing. You just destroyed my world. Now it's gone. Just like that. Shattered. With one single, impossibly loud snap.

The snap of a knife. That one click, it shatters all the windows pouring sun into my light-thirsty heart. Once again, so horribly, my heart is plunged into dark.

I've been here before. I named it the Maze. I never wanted to come back. The dark; the desolate landscape in ruins. The cracks, the masks, the monsters.

All my attempts to break myself, the good me, my conscience, out of my personal prison I call Rift that my darker self put me in so it could hurt others and do what it did have become discovered. This is punishment. To hear that snap. And to see the infernal rewards it sows across your skin.

Reminds me of me. Always cutting. Never enough. The pain... it was great. Exhilarating. And a way to let things out. I won't deny that.

But it doesn't help. It hurts. It becomes addicting. It gets you more depressed. It proves what they say. Because it does kill.

Reminds me of her. Not you, my friend. Of her, that girl I write love poems about. She lied to me. She promised not to. Then that fateful snap.

And blood. All I see is blood. On my arm. On hers. On our passive faces as we watch detached as it seeps out. Our lifeblood. We're not together as this happens, but I know she does it. And even so far away, we act exactly the same.

I used to want it y'know? In a sick way. I used to want us to cut together. Maybe press our wrists and forearms to each others. Maybe suck on the cuts. And then, with blood still on our lips, to kiss.

A dark thought, I know. A violent fantasy. A sick, twisted hope. But through it, it's really just to feel even more alone. Someone doing it with you shows that it doesn't really matter.

The world doesn't matter. You don't matter. And therefore, f**k it all. Life is strife. So you look to the knife. To solve all your problems, and eventually, to die. This is me being honest. About everything. But you probably don't believe me.

Fine, here's honesty. You want a painful dark past? How about your parents splitting up? How about later, your Father and Step-Mother always arguing, always fighting? How about him always hitting her, always out of your sight? How about them acting like nothing was wrong? How about him beating you? With a belt over and over again? Even after the point you've lost the will to beg?

Painful enough? I'm not done. I'm just getting started. That's the easy stuff. How about never being able to please your parents, your Father? How about being the unloved child? How about the police at your door, in what seems like every f*****g night? How familiar are you with jail? I'm very. Seems my parents were always there. Whether they were or not.

Still not done. How about cutting and making attempts at suicide because you've been pushed so far you hate yourself? How about bouncing home to home? School to school? "Friend" to "friend"? Family member to family member? Caseworker to caseworker? Therapist to therapist? Foster home to foster home?

Enough for you? I'm still not done. But let's talk about being driven. Driven to cutting. Driven to pain. Driven to not care. Driven to suicide. Driven to Death.

How about once you're there? Where you're driven? What then? Then you hurt your family so bad you might as well have killed them. It might have been better. More merciful. You destroy everyone, everyone's lives around you.

Author's Note

Anyways, they didn't just normal bully, they said she was going to kill herself and that she should die. That was bad enough. Then she cut herself, and was thinking about suicide. Right after the damn assembly. Anyways, it made me ticked, and brought up lots of bad memories. As well as stupid stuff. I would've beat the shit out of whoever said it had I asked her. But that is the one reason I didn't ask. I didn't want to hurt someone, no matter how much they deserved it. I wrote this in my fury and sadness, etc. I was completely honest in my feelings and thoughts. So honest that I said things I don't even tell people who I do tell stuff. Something I don't do often. Yes, it started being more about me, but that was because everywhere I went yesterday after taht, my past was with me. It does serve a purpose later, with the rest of it, and it comes back to my friend. But this about me is because of that, as well as telling people what I think true pain is, and that they don't know. And it's to the bullies, who have their pain, and telling them what it does to others, and that someone has it worse than them, so they should stop hurting others to just feel better about themselves and change. I didn't want to post this. But I felt I needed too. I didn't post the full thing. I'm scared too. So I'll just leave it to you guys to tell me if you want the rest. Also, comment about what you think of this. Comment if you need to talk to me about something. Comment about my honesty. Comment about your own personal experiences. Once again, if you truly want the rest of "Shattered" comment and tell me. Anyways, everything else otherwise, comment, tell me what you think. The normal stuff.

Reviews

[iNSOMniAC]

I don't even know how to exclaim how impressed I am.
It takes a deep person to have emotions such as these, but it takes an even deeper person to write it out in a beautiful and irresistible way. Outstanding work!

- TPB

[The StoryTeller]

Wow, did you just call me deep? :D Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

[Lizardo]

Wow this is deep man, very deep.
It's a powerful piece and I can't say more, another one of your works that leave me without words

[The StoryTeller]

I doubt many of my works leave you without words, but I'm glad this one struck you. As you might notice from what I said in the other comments on this article, especially the one to Beyourself, I was even more invested in this one than any of my others.

[Lizardo]

1. Let's get things straight, When I say it left me without words or that I liked it a lot, I do mean it, If I didn't mean it then I wouldn't of probably even write review.
2. True you put a lot of effort on this one and I can see that it is paying off
3. Sorry If I sound mean, but I just wanted to let you know :)

[The StoryTeller]

I understand that you mean it, I just have trouble believing in it. More so believing in myself. Glad you could see the effort, and no, you're not being mean.

[Lizardo]

I feel you dude, I usually don't believe in myself, but we have to, because we can do anything we want!

[The StoryTeller]

I guess that's true. Of course, I'll prob end up being cocky, etc, if I believe in myself. jk, prob not. Anyways, thanks for the great review. ;)

[The StoryTeller]

Do you think I should post the other part of this?

[Lizardo]

That would be a great Idea!

[The StoryTeller]

Mmmmm k, I'm just worried about reactions to the first part of the rest of this. Anyways, I'll do that. Question, would you like to collaborate on a poem together? Or a song? Or something? If you do, notify me via email.

[Tania]

Wow a very powerful written piece.

[The StoryTeller]

Well, it was written when I wasn't as cool as I usually am. I was drowning in my past at this point, as well as choking on deep depression, violent anger, and raining sadness. Even my other pieces I haven't written when I'm like that. I try to put up this perfect picture, saying this is who I am. But I'm not. I'm broken too, just as broken as most people, if not more. And yet so many look to me as a source of strength, of what to be like, as a rock, as a friend, as a leader, as so many things. And I just truly don't know what to say.

[Cool Girl]

Wow. Very powerful piece. I know how it feels gone bullied, I have a friend who is bullied too. He is shorter than I am and he's a year older. The other boys lock him in the locker room, call him names, etc. It stinks.

[The StoryTeller]

Why don't you do something about it? Talk to someone? This is mostly about my anger, as well as her being bullied and her response to it. Can't you see what it makes people feel when they're bullied? So you should help out. Check out this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rA436o_guo

[Cool Girl]

They go to an all boy school and I go to an all girl school...

[The StoryTeller]

Well, talk to their parents, talk to their friends, talk to their teachers.

[Cool Girl]

I can't. It's so conplicated... My friend had a halloween party and she accidentally broke his arm so now he isn't allowed to talk to us or see us.. So I can't text him or text his friend because I don't know his friend an his parents are super strict and I don't know them either and his teachers...I don't know them and I never go over to his school so yeah.

[The StoryTeller]

So is there truly no way for you to help???

[Cool Girl]

Im afraid so..

[The StoryTeller]

I'm sure there is some way you can help, it just hasn't been presented to you yet. And really, no matter what his parents are like they would probably be very happy to know that their kid is being bullied.

[Cool Girl]

They already know.. They told him to "Man up because your just a disappointment." It's not his fault that he is like 4 "4 and is super skinny. They don't feed him any meat or protein hardly

[The StoryTeller]

Maybe you should talk to YOUR parents.

[Cool Girl]

I did, but they dont know him either xD
I talked to my cello teacher who knows some dudes who go to his school. She said she'd ask them to keep an eye on him..

[The StoryTeller]

Okay sounds good. I was gonna say call a bullying association or something similar but if they're watching over him nvm.

[Cool Girl]

I like listening to the band Fall Out Boy!! Their new album is amazing!! Listen to the songs Centuries and Fourth of July!! :) tell me what you think

[The StoryTeller]

I haven't listened to any of their new albums, although I listen to Centuries a lot. I haven't heard Fourth of July though. Irresistible is nice.

[Cool Girl]

Yeah it is:) did u change ur profile pic? Again...

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, I did change it again. What, would you rather I kept it how it was? As the quote? Or as the one it just was? The one with the other words? I'd rather have a happy pic (even if it's mysteriously upside down) of me (in blue) and my best friends Aladore (in red) and Salman (in black.) :p Besides, most of my pictures I've used are in my photos section. Along with other pictures of me. Anyways, yes, I did. XD

[Cool Girl]

xD I like your new profile pic. Yes, I know you have lots of photos LOL
You take lots of selfies :p

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, no I just needed lots of pics of me. One might be like, he's not like that anymore. And besides, Salman (he's my best friend, and on here he's Over_Skilled) and I were joking and I decided to go on a selfie/posting craze. And ugh, I'm assuming that means you saw the other pics about working out too?

[Cool Girl]

Haha ok! And yeah, I saw them. xD

"I love to work out!"
- The Resilent

XD XD XD XD XD XD

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, well, I mean...... hmmm, I didn't expect people to actually see those ones. It's kind of weird having a girl I dunno seeing my arms and stomach... I mean, I dunno, it might turn them on or something XD

[Cool Girl]

Won't turn me on XD
Hey, vote for me in the contest called Anything!! It's for the members of Pairing Up Poetry group XD
My poem is called Sunshine

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I just got that email too. I have so much to do though, I want to do stuff for Pairing Up Poetry (like pairing up for instance. Isn't that ironic) but i never have the time. Lol, I am friends with the leader of the group though... Anyways, maybe I'll vote for you. And maybe we could pair up to write poetry. Since even though both of our times we're on here are hectic, that might work to our benefit. And besides, somehow we always log in at the same time. XD Tell me what you think. Oh, and how would you not be turned on? You're a girl right? xD

[Cool Girl]

Hahahaha lol, yeah I'm a girl😂😂😂
I'd love to write a poem with you sometime:)

[The StoryTeller]

Okay, send me an email and we can talk about it. Then when they ask for a pair again we can join together. Also, before they ask about that, we can do a poem together too. Just send me an email with your ideas and we'll get to working.

[Cool Girl]

Okay xD
Cool!!

[The StoryTeller]

I'll be looking for your email. :p

[Cool Girl]

Fine.. I'll send u one xD