Sands

I thought this up while walking through winter snow. One second my footprints are there, then the wind blows and they're gone. It made me think of desert and sands and people and time.

Sands that time forgot,

Sands that time begot.

Sands that time drew apart,

Sands that were both ignorant and smart.

Footprints appear,

In the sands every year.

The hourglass is flipped and time is here,

As the sands fall to them time draws oh so near.

The hourglass runs out, the sands are spent,

In time the sands made not even a dent.

The hourglass flips, and a new life begins,

As the hourglass stops, and another one ends.

Time draws close to Men,

Sands of time capable of both good and sin.

Author's Note

Just tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Ishita Dixit]

Sands of time are capable of both good and sin!
You know it Blade! :)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, yes we are. I'm glad you liked it. Oh, my "What Can Happen In A Second (Color Version) is in the #1 slot for Popular Writing! :D :D :D

[Ishita Dixit]

Yay!
Congratulations! :)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, thank you. I didn't expect any of my writing to make it up there (I guess that was already proven wrong with my sneak peek) but I definitely didn't expect that particular writing to make it onto the list, nor did I expect it to be #1. I wonder how long it'll be up there... o:

[Ishita Dixit]

Till the pendulum swings back to the fickleness! :P
Check your mail

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, yep... XD And I did. XD

[jonah]

I think this one is clever , Blade. also mysteriously funny how snow could bring sand into the mind of the poem, like some kind of unique transformation, a metamorphosis maybe? haha. the message is also true. I like the sense of unity here, that space and time cannot be separated from the existence of a living man, that life is built on them and it will end somewhere in unknown future. oh yeah is this poem can be considered as a couplet? I'm wondering..anyway, bravo! keep writing!

[The StoryTeller]

I'm glad you liked it, and yeah, that caught me by surprise too. :p I don't know if it can be considered a couplet. I generally just write and don't really follow a form, unless it's my own. Maybe I should start naming my forms... XD Instead of Shakespearean, it'll be Bladean. Yes, that was my point, and I'm glad you got that. Man and time are inseparable. We were created together, have existed together, and will leave together. I mean, after all, the men we are now we won't be in Heaven (or Hell, I guess) and in eternity, there is no time.

[jonah]

Bladean...that's kinda cool to be honest xD ah yes eternity. we can never measure it with all our powers and knowledge. wondering how it feels to have a cup of coffee with God in eternity..hmmmm hahah

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, well, I'll make Bladean haiku, Bladean sonnet, Bladean some new type of poetry for you then... XD Just kidding, that would probably be weird. I agree to that, and hmm, I always imagine he's going to be this humorous guy that says stuff we totally wouldn't expect from an all-knowing, all-powerful God. XD

[jonah]

hahaha yes! it's gonna one eternal good laugh xD

[jonah]

hahaha yes! it's gonna be one eternal good laugh xD

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah, I expect him to be this totally awesome, not larger than life, humorous, funny, nice, caring, cool guy. :P

[iNSOMniAC]

Whew. You started out with a normal poem about sand, and then managed to slip in some time references.
I think my heart exploded. (In a good way. x3)

Suggestions:

"Footprints appear,
In the sands every year." -
"Footprints appear
In the sands every year." I read this part like a sentence, but it was cut in half with a pause. It felt kind of rough, so I'd suggest letting the lines complete themselves every now and then.

"The hourglass is flipped and time is here,
As the sands fall to them time draws oh so near." -
"The hourglass is flipped and time is here
As the sands fall to them, time draws oh so near."


"The hourglass runs out, the sands are spent,
In time the sands made not even a dent." -
"The hourglass runs out, the sands are spent-
In time the sands made not even a dent." Absolutely LOVED this part.

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad it exploded in a good way. Do you need me to call an ambulance for you though, to put it back together? And thxs again for the suggestions. :D

[iNSOMniAC]

Nah, the only thing that can glue my heart back together is a person, and he's currently in China. Meh. Distance...

[The StoryTeller]

China? Geez, that's a far way away. Why is he in China?

[The StoryTeller]

And I hope it was my poem that broke your heart and not something else. (Because if it was my poem, it was a good breaking, and that also means it hasn't been broken for awhile and you haven't been in pain.)

[iNSOMniAC]

Ehhh.... it was breaking in the meantime, but that's normal for me.
Do you remember that poem you read? The farewell one? That's why he's in China - he's paying his respects to his recently passed grandfather.

[The StoryTeller]

Oh, okay. Give him my condolences (although those don't really mean anything and were created by those who were unfeeling and don't understand) I lost my one of my grandfathers a few years back due to lung cancer. My one I have left might pass within a year or two too, so I'm enjoying the time I have. As for how it was in the meantime, it shouldn't be normal. You shouldn't have pain at all, especially not on an everyday basis. You deserve to have good in your life.

[iNSOMniAC]

No, it does mean something. I never even knew his grandfather, but that didn't stop me from sitting down and writing a poem in his honor. I also asked if he could buy a flower and present it to him for me.
'Ey, you may not know this yet, but it's who I am. I am the Pain Bearer - it's my job to live with pain. And I have plenty of good in my life. I have my comrade, I have my writing, and I have my friends. That's all I need to be happy.

[The StoryTeller]

I agree, and you are one of my friends. :)

[iNSOMniAC]

You're my friend, too. c:

[The StoryTeller]

:D So that's settled then. It can hold up in the court of law, and therefore you will always be my witness....




JK XD I'm glad you agree with me.

[Elie Marie]

love this. love the meaning.

[The StoryTeller]

I'm glad you liked it. We can make a dent in time, but just as quickly the wrinkle is smoothed and we are wiped away and forgotten. It's proven, so many famous people in the past that we don't know about. Think! There could have been a poet out there better than Shakespeare, and he (or she) was lost to time.

[Elie Marie]

yes... but there are also shakespeares and plato and mother theresa and people that have made a real impact and have changed the world if even just a bit... (I have to believe that, it's my life goal to make a real positive difference somewhere, somehow).

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, I agree, and I feel that too. I also feel that even if I didn't feel I needed to make a difference somehow, God is calling me too, and I'd have to heed to that call anyways. I don't see why he would want me to make a difference though. With my pain, and my past, and my mistakes... And I'm not even that great a guy... I have so many flaws, and also, if it's writing he wants to change the world, I'm not that great of a writer, and if it's something else, what else could it be?

[Elie Marie]

because your pain, your past, and your mistakes makes you human, hopefully open-minded, and definitely understanding. And isn't that what Jesus was? You may not think you're a great guy or a great writer, but perspective is reality... take anyone around you, their perspective of you is different than yours or anyone else's and that's their reality. to some you're great, to some you're worth fighting monsters. And you never know who your words can help, like me today.

[The StoryTeller]

I.... I helped you? Oh, and that's a great point about perspectives.

[Lenah Mehzabin]

Ow really this one i totally liked among all of your writings. It rhymes very well with meaning ! brilliant job , thumbs up ! :)

[The StoryTeller]

Glad you liked it. :) Why ow though? xD I noticed that before too.

[Lenah Mehzabin]

well can't help but say OW haha ;)

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, so is it an expression of astonishment? :p

[Lenah Mehzabin]

whatever :p

[The StoryTeller]

xD hey! I'm just trying to figure out what it is... jk. :p Glad you liked it. :D

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

I think that was brilliant. You know I love your work. I think I want to know why you're not famous yet!

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I'm glad you liked it, but I'm probably not famous yet because I'm not that amazing. At least to me.

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

Take a compliment, Blade! You're good, you know you're over there blushing! Lol

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, well, when I see reviews like you guys give me, and that many reviews, I do kind of laugh. More at myself, but I find it funny. I think maybe I can be good, but I shut that down kind of quickly. I'll keep the smile, but won't laugh.

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

Yes. I'm like that too.. We have to learn to keep the laugh as long as the smile.. Laughter makes us live longer!

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah I heard that before, that like 15 minutes of laughing is equal to like 2 nights of sleep, and that it makes us live longer.

[♥ Ari Skye ♥]

I don't knoow about the 2 night of sleep. I'm always laughing but I could always use more sleep! Lol

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, well, still.

[Lizardo]

Another great poem!
You really write awesome poetry!
Ah beautiful sands, time of the sands the forget the footprints of the travellers...
Beatiful, simpy beautiful!

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, I like that quote... Glad you liked it, although it seems like everyone is overreacting with saying how great it is. It can't be that amazing can it? That it puts you at a loss for words?

[Lizardo]

well it can be amazing and can be bad, but the important thing is the message that the poem sends, that's what matters

[The StoryTeller]

That makes total sense, and in that case, I'm glad you got the message. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked how you used the sand.
"Time draws close to Men,
Sands of time capable of both good and sin."
The sand of time is fair to the all of us. We will pay for the good and the bad. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[The StoryTeller]

I agree. I took a perspective in this that men are both sands and time, but as with that last line, the sands that come and go, live and die, are us. Men. Glad you liked it. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I did. Your poetry had meaning and purpose.

[The StoryTeller]

I'm glad you could see that. I try to have a meaning and purpose in all my writing, so that therefore other people can learn from it and help themselves and others, or gain a new perspective on something.

[Coyote Poetry]

We must try.

[The StoryTeller]

Yes, if you never try, who will? Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But it's very important that you do it. Because no one else will.

[Emily]

Lovely wording!
Well done!

[The StoryTeller]

Lol, glad you liked it, it was just something I put together quick, and instead of being inspired by my feelings of pain, I was more inspired by the beauty of the world around me and realizing how quickly human kind could disappear, as well as contemplating humans and time.

[luvs2write]

Hmmm...very philisophical. I liked it, it was kind of a different twist on what you usually do. It has a nice flow too. Nice work. =)

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah, I burst away from the painful writing for now. Time for a little positive. If it's philosophical, whatever. :)

[luvs2write]

Philisophical is a good thing!!!

[The StoryTeller]

Yeah, I find myself often thinking about humans and our place in the world, or my place specifically. Like, why am I here? Really here? Stuff like that.