Fish Scales (Final Draft)

There wasn't much change but I tried to add a little bit more of a tone of desperation as well as more emotion.

Father.

Daddy.

Papa.

What do those words mean?

 

Fish scales mean more.

Fish scales symbolize happiness.

Fish scales symbolize us together.

Fishing, laughing, crying, together, having fun.

 

Father.

Caregiver.

One and only.

Who are you?

 

When we’re out fishing and collecting fish scales you are happy. A smile lights up your face.

When we’re at home you are angry. You are a thundercloud.

When we’re in company you’re silent. You are unknown, violent, and unpredictable.

When we’re alone, you look at me and are disappointed. You are saddened.

 

Father.

Caregiver.

One and only.

Who are you?

 

Only you know.

I wish I did too.

I wish I could make you proud.

But I don’t.

 

Affection is pried from your cold fingers. 

Your heart hearkens to me, but simultaneously darkens.

You love me, but you feel I’m not living up to my potential.

So you discipline me harshly. Dealing unto me pain.

 

Daddy, I’m not like you.

Daddy, I can’t be who you want me to be.

Daddy, I no longer want to fight you.

Daddy, why can’t you just love me?

 

What does disappointment and anger have to do with love?

Why should your feelings of care hinge on that?

Or maybe you just have a hard time showing your love.

And therefore, you seem cold and push me because of what you call love but I only see as ice.

 

Father.

Daddy.

Papa.

What do those words mean?

Reviews

[iNSOMniAC]

Who's chopping onions in my room? ;~;
I can relate to this, and... geez. I don't even know what to say about it.
"Daddy, I’m not like you.
Daddy, I can’t be who you want me to be.
Daddy, I no longer want to fight you.
Daddy, why can’t you just love me?"

Suggestions:

"When we’re out fishing and collecting fish scales you are happy. A smile lights up your face.
When we’re at home you are angry. You are a thundercloud.
When we’re in company you’re silent. You are unknown, violent, and unpredictable.
When we’re alone, you look at me and are disappointed. You are saddened." -
"When we’re out fishing and collecting fish scales, you are happy. A smile lights up your face.
When we’re at home, you are angry. You are a thundercloud.
When we’re in company, you’re silent. You are unknown, unpredictable, and violent.
When we’re alone, you look at me, and you are disappointed. You are saddened." I recommended putting the word "violent" last because it's a near rhyme for "silent," and it seems to flow.

[The StoryTeller]

I'm glad you liked it, however not glad you could relate. That's not something I would wish on anyone. (I'm not going to say thanks for your suggestions from here on out, because you know I'm glad for them and if I did I'd be saying that on every review. XD)

[The StoryTeller]

Btw, I was wondering, because people say stuff like they're crying all the time, did that actually bring tears to your eyes?

[iNSOMniAC]

Yes, actually. There aren't many things that can bring me to tears, but I have to admit it in this case - I was shaking and wiping my eyes the whole time.

[The StoryTeller]

Wow. I didn't think my writing could do that. I didn't cause you pain did I? It wasn't painful tears?

[The StoryTeller]

And lol, that was weird, after I said post comment a bunch of coding came up, and I am only starting to learn to read code, so I was like, "Wha????" I refreshed and it went away.

[iNSOMniAC]

No, not painful tears. There's nothing you could ever do to hurt me. It just... it reminded me of the better times, when my parents actually cared about me. When we weren't a broken family.

[The StoryTeller]

I'm glad it reminded you of better times, and okay. Because I wouldn't want to ever hurt you.

[iNSOMniAC]

I don't feel pain anymore. If it comes my way, I just feel... numb. It's not the best feeling, but it's better than feeling nothing at all.

[The StoryTeller]

I feel numb too, and it's not a good way to live. It means you've been hurt so much nothing hurts anymore, your senses have been overloaded and burned. I think we should both be happy, neither in pain or numb. I'll do whatever I can to contribute to that between us.

[iNSOMniAC]

You don't have to do all of that... I'm fine.

[The StoryTeller]

No, honestly, you may think you are, but you're not, and therefore I'm still going to do whatever I can. And even if you are, I still am, just because that's what good friends do.

[iNSOMniAC]

You can't break a heart that was already broken in the first place... I'll explain it a little bit more to you with my story, but I was born hurting. Pain was just a side affect - an imaginary friend that sticks by my side throughout my whole life. (Currently working on a poem about that)

[The StoryTeller]

I'll read the poem, so send me a RR when you're finished with it. And still, I believe you should be happy. Even if you've always had pain and therefore you don't have to worry about pain, you've never had happiness. (As far as I know...)

[iNSOMniAC]

Well... this is as close to happy as I can get. It was easy to give up back then, because I didn't have anything to lose... but now? I have everything. I feel like I'm on top of the world. Sometimes, though, I get too high, and the people who "love" me yank me back down to the ground again, only to do the same thing as I continue to climb up this pointless mountain.

[The StoryTeller]

Well, as long as you feel you have something I guess... It's good to feel on top of the world, just don't let it go to your head or you could very well end up acting exactly like those that have hurt you just because you can. And you just have to shrug that pulling off, because even when you're on the mountain, there's always gonna be another mountain, another hill to climb.

[iNSOMniAC]

True... thanks.

[The StoryTeller]

No problem. ;)

[Afraa]

Blade, this poem really tugged at my heart strings. There is such an emotion to this that I can't quite put my finger on. Never read another piece like this. You probably shed some tears as you were writing this. Too damn powerful and jaw dropping. I believe depressing pieces such as this one, do send out the most important messages. You seem like a sensitive person, and on a guy, that is admirable.

I enjoyed every word of this. Thank you for sharing, Blade.

[The StoryTeller]

I'm sorry. o; I didn't mean to pull on you're heart strings. I did cry, mostly because of the memories that went into writing this. I will for once start to believe in myself, and truly admit, that yes, this is an a powerful poem. Thank you. And lol, on a guy.

[Jodi Eaton]

Blade...thank you for writing such an honest poem about an often confusing relationship. I love how the idea of fish scales becomes a metaphor of this father-son connection. I always appreciate when a poem creates new meaning for me, and this one does that. You've added to my definition of "fish scales" in a memorable way.

[The StoryTeller]

Thank you Mrs. Eaton. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope you'll like my journal entries too when I send them to you. I really like your Creative Writing class, and I'm glad I chose it form the curriculum, when there was much other to choose from. I thought maybe it would be nice. :) Generally I don't write when I have a classroom posing restrictions and rules. I write on my own. Anyways, thx.

[luvs2write]

This was so full of emotion...I almost cried. I don't know what else to say...this was amazing, I'm blown away.

[The StoryTeller]

Thank you. :) That meant so much to me. I cry when I read it too, although not so much because I think it's really good or something like that, but because of who it's written about. This was written about my Father and I (whom I no longer see nor live with, I live with my aunt) and just, it... it brings back so many memories and sore emotions when I read it. Thank you for reading, and even more for telling me how it made you feel.

[luvs2write]

I assumed it was about your father from some of your other poems...it's so hard when you can't seem to gain anyone's approval, even more so when they're your parents. I think it's amazing how you can express your emotions through poetry...my poor punching pillow wishes that I could do the same. =)

[The StoryTeller]

LOLOLOLOL don't worry, I used to bunch my pillow all the time. In fact, that was the more constructive ways I let my emotions out. I used to destroy my room, etc, going in to rages, which I learned from my father. Now, hush, you can't tell anyone that. xD I've got to be the cool collected guy who expresses through poetry. But no, really, I'm not perfect, I have problems with expressing my emotions too. The key is to not bottle them inside and not act out on them in violent, negative ways. Just let them pass through you, don't resist, and don't act. If you need to cry, do so. I used to think men don't cry. I still do. I won't cry in front of people at all, and barely let myself cry alone. But the thing is, no matter what I think about it, it helps. I agree, that it's hard to get others approval. But after awhile, you'd think you'd learn that the only person's approval you need is yours (and maybe some very close friends, family, etc.). I'm still learning that. And lol, I don't think I do that well at expressing my feelings in poetry, I don't even think it's that good honestly. I feel I screw up the words and it all blurs together, etc. Anyways, thx for reviewing. Btw, if you ever need to talk, or if you just want to chit-chat, email me. :) I'd love to talk to you.