The mirror with a mask

Every morning John Edward wakes up he kills himself three times in the mirror. What Mr. Edward does not understand is why there is still an image left of himself after all these years?

Every day he wakes up, looks himself in the mirror, stares deep into the eyes of this stranger, takes his gun out and shoots himself in the mirror. Some days he would do this joyfully with a sneer on his face and kills his image, other days he would just shoot himself mercilessly as he repentantly despises this image of himself, counting all the days that led to this revolting moment.

Every day he would repeat this morning ritual, but he could see his thoughts having a deeper effect. He saw cracks appearing on his mirror as if it couldn't bear such suicidal thoughts anymore, another day he could see his image vanish for a moment or two, but he thought all of these could be delusions of his exhausted mind.

It was a dark and cold day of September; Mr. Edward woke up, took his gun out, walked to the mirror, looked at himself with mournful eyes in the mirror; but as he tried to reach for his gun he found himself in a dreadful situation, there was a stranger with a gun pointed at him! This was no ordinary stranger, he resembled himself, he was the same size and height of Mr. Edward but he was more like a silhouette, a silhouette made of all the hatred and fears that he put on the mirror for years. It was his own image, standing in front of him with his own gun pointed at him. What used to be a mirror image was now alive and this creature who used to be a reflection of himself had unveiled its mask and came to reality with its fearful face. He took a step forward; Mr. Edward could feel the bleak breath of this ghastly creature on his face. He was paralyzed by his own very thoughts, he remembered his childhood and all the moments he played in front of the mirror, he could not believe that there was a monster hiding behind his image for all these years. He came face to face with Mr. Edward and repeated these words "Smile", Mr. Edward stood still he could not understand the demand of this monster. "Smile" shouted the monster , Mr. Edward smiled with all the fear in his heart, his image was satisfied and vanished; And so Mr. Edward smiled whenever he saw his image, he smiled every morning, he smiled when he met someone, he could see his image following him everywhere, even in other people's eyes. Mr. Edward’s image paid him more visits, every time with something new, he gave him a tie to wear every day, a suit to match his smile and a hat to hide all his fears. For years he obeyed every wish of his image. He was no more afraid of his image and started to see the beauty hiding behind his master. Mr. Edward had become the perfect man. 

Reviews

[theking]

I absoloutly loved it. The beggining of the story resembles a bit of OCD, and then it moves on to depression. A great combination of the two to present the image of an insane man, bent on self destruction.

Then, the symbolic prowess apparent in this poem was just fantastic. I thought that your piece represented the consequences of long term decisions for temporary problems quite well, and that your ability to convey these things through figurative language was just great. I loved it, and despite the depressing attitude of the story it was a great way to start off the day. Fantastic job!

Keep up the good work, and if you found my review helpful then please rate it :)

[Vivi]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Thanks for all the review and feedback. Maybe some time if I find some free time I will rewrite it and turn it into a 30-40 pages story :)

[A.R. Elvira]

Nice hook line in the beginning there, it's good to get your readers attention with a line like that one. Nice and snappy. Overall the story was dark and engaging, it reminds me of a children's fable, the original kind, I really enjoyed reading it.

If I were you I'd work on your transition between describing the man shooting his reflection and the day when he wakes up to find his reflection animated. I think it comes on a little too soon and isn't smooth enough, if that makes sense. You need more of a gradual move into this turn of events - it's like there's a guy who has interesting suicidal tendencies and then suddenly for no reason he's seeing things. We need a bit more information before that comes across as believable. Try not to use overused lines to introduce such an important fact (the reflection coming to life) such as describing the day as you did. This line too:

'but as he tried to reach for his gun he found himself in a dreadful situation, there was a stranger with a gun pointed at him! '

is a little awkward to read because you kind of just come and tell the reader rather than describe it. This has to do with a rule that says you need to show when you write, not tell (you can look it up on Google). It just needs some reviewing and thought as to how you can approach this section differently (: .

Great concept with many layers, I love dark stories. Thanks for the great little read, hope I helped. (:

[Vivi]

I'm happy you enjoyed it, and thanks for all the review and feedback. I wrote the whole story very fast perhaps if I find some time I will rewrite it :)

[asdarkeyesclose]

i don't often read the stories posted here. i thought this was brilliant, an extraordinary concept. i think though that you need to expand on the idea and turn this into a full length story. it also felt like two seperate stories, one about shooting his reflection and then the second when the image comes to life, maybe you need more of a bridge between the two. but over all i enjoyed reading this. fantastic.

[Vivi]

So it has been my honor to have you read it, thanks for your lovely review :)

[writ rajat]

nice and enthusiastic story

[Vivi]

Thanks for your review

[Fallen hero]

Really nice story, the concept is quite interesting. I hope do more stories like this down the line, good luck!

[Vivi]

Thanks, I'll have some more darker stories.

[Silas]

This is amazing. Purely amazing.

[Vivi]

Thanks :)

[SeismicTurtle]

The first thing I'd say about this, is I love the concept. It's nice and abstract and you captured the essence of it with a style characterized by darkness. That being said there is some choppiness to it. For example:

"Every day he wakes up, looks himself in the mirror, stares deep into the eyes of this stranger, takes his gun out and shoots himself in the mirror."

This idea just isn't clean. I know what you're saying but it just doesn't flow properly.

There's a lot of things like this that need to be tidied up a bit.

However I think when you focus on the core concepts and the potential of your delivery this story will have a lot going for it.

[Vivi]

Thanks for reading it and thanks for your feedback. I've been thinking a lot on the flow concept but i'm not sure if i have quite comprehended it, you mean more elaboration on the details of what have been said or a little more writing? :)

[Black Gypsy]

This was very beautiful, and I loved it. :D You described his depression well, and when the silhouette came, you described that well, too. Although, you could afford to break up the paragraphs a bit more so it doesn't look like one big mass of words, but other than that, I really, really liked it. :D

[Vivi]

Many thanks for your reading it. (Yes you are right about one big mass of words, thanks for telling me that)

[Space Cazz]

This is awesome I love it. Strange story but it did make me "Smile" at the end.

[Vivi]

Thanks for reading it, glad you enjoyed it.

[ghazalps]

It is great Vivi:) Very well written story :D Waiting for more!!!

[Vivi]

Thanks alot ghazal :)