terschelling

i wrote this while camping last summer in terschelling (the largest in a group of islands in northern netherlands)

it's dark now
so it must be after 10
the dutch boys chant
in the distance
in a tent somewhere
i imagine
more likely crowded in a bar
on the small strip
just outside the campgrounds
arms around each other
in a big swinging group hug
singing their hearts out
faces flushed from their efforts
hearts wide open
true love for their fellow friends
and countrymen
their deep voices rumble
from deep in their gut
declaring to the night
we are
a tribe!
strapping, young, blonde
pink, tanned, hot
giant cocked

Reviews

[EyeOfKatarim]

i dont know in which category this poem fits, but i personaly find it groundless. I loved the first bit, although it is cliche. "Its dark now so it must be after 10" is definately a statement that has been overused, however when u wrote the next two lines it completely drifts off the original place... the first two line set a very ominous fealing, and it is important to keep it running... great start, but after 6 lines i lost contact and feeling...
PS: did i understantd the last line corectly? it seams kinda well... ill let u explain.
=)