Untitled II

 Sleep calls back,
an eye agrees;
the summers relief pours,
the music; play on.

A dream awaits,
my slumber;
and the wake mind,
fears tomorrow.

Slowly rise-
touch it with your shadows.
Serene.

Life is not what it seems,
the mind believes;
youth plays games,
the dreams; go on.

My forerunners hopes long for,
my struggle;
and my jumped mood,
thinks too much.

Go down-
wait there.
Silent.

Footprints in the sand,
are stamped again;
while the drops tug; among,
the same vessel.

Reviews

[Ms. Gruye]

your writing style is sparse, but not too much. you use your words sparingly, as if each one costs you a price beyond currency. the result is very effective and straight forward. I cannot tell you my favorite lines because this whole piece works together, I am unable to let any line live on it's own.

what a tremendous talent you possess.

[wordman]

the thoughts and dreams of a reluctant sleep mixed with a little despair and unknowing

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this feels like saying life never changes for me. i keep having dreams and hopes...but somehow they get rained upon...and i end up waiting, silent again and again...hoping things can get better...and my life can match my dreams.

[Chong N. Kim]

I love your style of writing, I like the mystery in trying the yearness that I feel when I read your lyrics. :)

[An owl on the moon]

A drifting, dreamish write of longing and looking for more... that hope that life has hidden treasures awaiting, even if in sleep... Such a visual work.

[Lourisa]

A Lovely abstract piece. You do have a way with words, don't you?

[Tasha]

My forerunners hopes long for,
my struggle;
and my jumped mood,
thinks too much.

This was amazing!

[Undying Glory]

very good work here, nice job. as thought-provoking as the previous one, maybe even better! now that's some vivid and surreal work!
"A dream awaits,
my slumber;
and the wake mind,
fears tomorrow."
now those really were strong verses. awesome!

[E.H. Monroe]

"Footprints in the sand,
are stamped again;
while the drops tugs;among,
the same vessel."

I just shot a verbal wad. I feel like you owe me dinner and dancing.
Gotta expand and drop some spoken word on an unsuspecting word. I can hear all the big yells and stops all over this thing. Get a stage, if you havent already and light the f*****g place on fire.

Well done

[H. A. M.]

again..this feels like your writing from the NOW...by that I mean you are able to capture the moment right now......this is good!...and I like it!....keep writing bro!

[abby2011]

p.s im referring to: life is not what it seems...you dont need to say that. keep the tantalising mystery of your frame of mind evolving..its a great journey to go on!