Untitled

I am not dead
Yet,
My inferences doubt my existence.
Things seen, forgotten tomorrow;
Would my hands move,
Would i see,
Hate the meaningless reasons
Behind the curtains.
Brown days, boils in hand;
The sword of the dawn,
Lives in all of us.
Hard, gusted;
Rotten flesh in the rains to see tomorrow.
Yes, it is summer.

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

A well-rendered existentialist sensibility. The difference between a Euro existentialist sensibility and Zen, Taoist, or Advaita Vedantic, is that the latter forms of enquiry run deeper and don't assume Life needs reasons -- or that Life is determined by form only.

In other words, a contemplative disposition transcends the fretting of the mortal figure to intuit the a priori Ground. One is correct to suspect the veracity of a mere egoic lifespan, but it's nothing to worry about. There is a grace to allowing Consciousness to permeate you without getting in the way. It isn't even that difficult to directly observe that thoughts and feelings and phenomenology are arising in Consciousness.

We are wise to shift from the tormented logic of the figure to the seamless intuition of the Ground.

Your "sword of the dawn" reads like a scythe, but it is also Awareness Itself.

"I" is a Mystery, unbound.

[Vivek Koshy]

mr. ayers,
"i am not dead" would be a huge contradiction.
but further, resurrection - is yet awaited, thus the pain.

[Ronald Ayers]

Dear VGK:

Might you consider giving this poem the title: "I am not dead"? This might be appropriate in the sense that there is a sense of resurrection and hope in the poem.

Is the narrator of your poem not dead in the physical sense? "I am not dead---yet." Good. Where there is life, there is hope.

The narrator contemplates what the mode of his existence would be if dead. "Would my hands move? Would I see?" A yearning for life after death.

And yet, the narrator tells us that he is quite dead. "Rotten flesh in the rains to see tomorrow."

Is the narrator telling us that in death there is hope---resurrection? "Yes, it is summer."

Excellent! Spiritual! Thought provoking.

Sincerely,
Ronald Ayers

[Ice QueenJen]

This was very good, full of descriptive language- like the line "Brown days, boils in hand;". This gives you the sense that everything that surrounds you is dry and barren, and when you work it causes boils to your hands. Showing also that life where your at can be a harsh reality. I must read your others, because this is great!

[Fran Marie]

My inferences doubt my existence.
Things seen, forgotten tomorrow;
Would my hands move,
Would i see,
I hate the meaningless reasons
Behind the curtains.
Brown days, boils in hand;


I found this rather abstract and detached from the norm also
in a formal wording of verse which is not needed ,this poem
decribes a darkness in tone and a dissatisfaction even through
the bright season of summer~

Thanks for sharing

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think pedantry is dead and if not, it should be. This means using big words to say simple things, I believe the same in poetry. Stephen King once said of his horror, " I know it's not masterful writing. I have read masterful writing and it is like fillet mignon to a meat lover. But...my work is more like burgers and fries. Ask yourself this question, do more people eat fillet mignon or burgers and fries?" This statement, let us examine it, "My inferences doubt my existence." An "inference" is something alluded to but without definitive structure. So something alluded to but without definitive structure doubts your existence. But why should we care? "Brown days, boils in hand;" This is improper syntax..."days boil"..."day boils". And I think you could replace "To see" with the word "of" in the next to the last line or just leave that space blank. That's about as much as I can offer. I like the idea behind the write but the structure could use a bit of work. Also, think of titles for your work, it will help exercise your imagination.

[Devons]

This expresses quite abstract and very complex feelings that might seem difficult to grasp at first. This is not a poem that one can just read-off quickly and then move on. It has far more depth to it than that. It portrays a state of mind that -although it may be negative- is something which anyone who has seen the dark side of existence and the dark side of the mind can understand very well. It is a question -perhaps a condition- of seeing too much. Of not being able to see the bright side without the dark..
"Yes, it is summer" seems to indicate that it is the season which effects the mind in this way - as many seasons do to certain tortured souls. And, like all things, it is of pretty and seemingly harmless appearance... but the damage it does is hidden, and interpreted solely by the mind...
A very bleak, and depressing subject, but a very important one of which to explore... and it is done with abstract strength and vision, presenting imagery which may not be palatable to us all.... But it exists..

[Mauricio Montoya]

nice

[Robyn]

i agree with kit kat! i love the descriptions