the sand grain witness

'feel its shadow; losing itself on the crest of a dune, the shadow in the depth of a sea; so drowns the moisture;'

the sand. the sand grain desert sand. a wind sweeps along
an arid earth, takes it in its mouth to satisfy its desire for

moisture. with blinded eyes, it seeks the darkness in the
light. it moves in a circular motion, walks sideways to

feel its shadow; losing itself on the crest of a dune, the
shadow in the depth of a sea; so drowns the moisture;

a prophet man sows the sand, reaps the grain; under the
silence of the sun. he breathes the rain, brushes his hand

along the desert texture, his fingers paint his face. he does
not seek the false truth. speaks with a languid artesian well

voice. he eats the night air, he is not afraid. crosses a barren
land like a child's pull toy; the heat fill his sandals with cold

from desolation; his soul dangles from a watch chain; the
timepiece glass cracks from a second hand ticking backwards,

backwards. rest he bequests in an oasis, the mirage envelopes;
thin, fragile layers of imagination tempt him, hunger kisses him,

he eats the fruit, sown in the cold desolation of his desert soul
willing time forward; seeking to leave the gritty reality of barrenness,

moisture seeping slowly into a body desiccated from
the journey across the sandy desert his life had become

feels once again the warm coursing of hope through
a heart cold and empty

startles at the rhythm of his heart; remembering the beat of life
long denied from too much pain barely endured

the sand shifting as he moves again
wind gentle with the music not heard for so long

movement forcing him over the last dune
out of the frozen heat and back into

a landscape painted by colors
of a life to be lived.

Copyright © 01/31/2013 Barbara Sutton and Lance Sheridan

© 2013 SuttonSheridanPoets

My Review

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Featured Review

James Hanna-Magill

Dear SuttonSheridanPoets

I thought I would say hello and review this piece with I hope a few constructive, albeit personal comments. Everyone always has their own point of view. Mine can only ever be one of many.

What is certain, judging by your 'Visual, Freestyle' badge is that this poem demonstrates both attributes.

Not only is it visual, but beyond sight, there is an endless sense of movement here, the movement of the sand across the desert floor, of time and of the nomad whose life is spent within it.

As for Feestyle, the words on the page refuse to be boxed into any sort of format other than two lines at a time. If there is punctuation it is rare and sentences start and end, if they ever do when they please.

This is a sort of writing which deliberately flouts grammatical structure and any form of restriction.

It is not words. It is more music you relax to, curl up listening with an abstract ear.

I enjoyed reading this and I would like to see you write more, perhaps using different styles, experimenting, playing with placing words on the page in a different way.

I believe (though this may be apocryphal) David Bowie used to write or practice writing some of his early songs by finding / writing words on a page, them tearing them up in strips, throwing them randomly around and then putting them back together in a different order. Apparently there is something to be said for the art not of chaos but maybe rather musical disoorder. And at last report his career didn't seem to have ever sufferd much as a result. Rather the reverse!

This is not entirely as the Americans would say (I am British) my bag. But the fact that it isn't, doesn't at all mean that I disrespct it. Instead I respect you for your bravery in writing what you feel, just as it comes and for the fact that you accomplish the style in which you choose to write well.

I hope this helps. It is merely my point of view for what little it is worth. But it is also encouragement from me to keep at it. In the end, that is what we must all do as writers.

Please do keep on writing and feel free to say hello anytime,

With my best wishes

James

Posted 11 Years Ago

Dear SuttonSheridanPoets

I thought I would say hello and review this piece with I hope a few constructive, albeit personal comments. Everyone always has their own point of view. Mine can only ever be one of many.

What is certain, judging by your 'Visual, Freestyle' badge is that this poem demonstrates both attributes.

Not only is it visual, but beyond sight, there is an endless sense of movement here, the movement of the sand across the desert floor, of time and of the nomad whose life is spent within it.

As for Feestyle, the words on the page refuse to be boxed into any sort of format other than two lines at a time. If there is punctuation it is rare and sentences start and end, if they ever do when they please.

This is a sort of writing which deliberately flouts grammatical structure and any form of restriction.

It is not words. It is more music you relax to, curl up listening with an abstract ear.

I enjoyed reading this and I would like to see you write more, perhaps using different styles, experimenting, playing with placing words on the page in a different way.

I believe (though this may be apocryphal) David Bowie used to write or practice writing some of his early songs by finding / writing words on a page, them tearing them up in strips, throwing them randomly around and then putting them back together in a different order. Apparently there is something to be said for the art not of chaos but maybe rather musical disoorder. And at last report his career didn't seem to have ever sufferd much as a result. Rather the reverse!

This is not entirely as the Americans would say (I am British) my bag. But the fact that it isn't, doesn't at all mean that I disrespct it. Instead I respect you for your bravery in writing what you feel, just as it comes and for the fact that you accomplish the style in which you choose to write well.

I hope this helps. It is merely my point of view for what little it is worth. But it is also encouragement from me to keep at it. In the end, that is what we must all do as writers.

Please do keep on writing and feel free to say hello anytime,

With my best wishes

James

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

View 5 more replies

11 Years Ago

Hi James,

Here's the link to your excellent review:

http://suttonsheridanp.. read more

11 Years Ago

Dear Barbara and Lance

I have followed the link and read the piece.

Frankl.. read more

11 Years Ago

Hello James,

It is indeed a great pleasure!!

Best always,

Bar.. read more

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