Blank

Blank

Woke up from sleep, looked all around

Things were all blurry, a great sea of confusion

Eyes searched everywhere, I got the feeling I was bound

Everything was a rush, and everyone were in motion

People yelled, and did stuff overtime

And I looked around without the slightest clue

Stared at the mysterious little shine

Realized I had to figure out stuff and I knew

I was blank, as blank as a slate

As I stood, looking there longingly at the gate

I still remember, February 7th was the date

That I lost everything to fate!

Became a wanderer on the road of life

Realized I had to recover the lost past

False leads and hopes minced me like a butcher's knife

They made me drift like a ship with a broken mast

My mind was as though ravaged by a storm

I was left with nothing that I could feel

The pain then gushed with no particular form

It caused my head and soul to reel

Blank no more, I am riddled with pain

With all the bonds and chains that have been slain

I stand alone, my energy drained

Hopeless, defeated and aimless in the rain

Reviews

[McBear]

First of all, I enjoyed the form factor you put the words into; the font, look, and all.

I loved this line

"I was blank, as blank as a slate"

It is kinda like a metaphor contrasting the look of blank and the "feeling" of being blank. I say this because a slate doesn't have any feelings but it can be "blank" in another way than a human can be ;)

Reading line after line, I was able to create my own picture in my mind. I feel that with some of your poetry, you have enough detail and just enough imagery that the reader can use the words to create their own image :)

[Sage]

Thanks! :) I'm glad my words let you imagine stuff on your own! That's quite the compliment in itself.

[McBear]

Yes, I love poems like this. They are not very easy to accomplish, but you did a good job.

[Sage]

Thanks again! :D

[McBear]

Anytime! :)

[Celie Rose]

Enjoyed reading your poem. I like the imagery, the metaphors, the rhymes, and the words flow nicely together. Another well written and expressed piece of writing. Keep up the fine work!

[Kesha]

I really enjoyed this piece, I have already read many of yours (just haven't reviewed) but i think this one really sticks out (why im reviewing it) glad i stumbled upon your writing.

[Sage]

Glad you read 'em all and liked this piece. :)

[BThomvanWart]

I would argue that this piece is both similar to frayed cloth and a well tailored suit. There are many angles of this piece that, in my mind, need some elaboration. Those areas are what make me use the phrase "frayed cloth." But, the other areas of this piece are put together and crafted as if to resemble a well tailored suit. The thing about poetry, that I've learned after writing for a few years, is that a poem can only have as much emotional value as you put in feelings and detail. This piece, I find, has a lot of emotional potential, but it's kept from the piece by the lack of elaboration. If this piece is a personal piece, then it does show significantly. Here are some questions that I didn't find answered adequately:

"What happened?"
"What inspired this piece?"
"I know there's loss, but what caused it? How did it happen? Was it death? A relationship?"
"Is this the writer experiencing this, or is this the writer experiencing something through the theorized eyes of someone else?"

I hope this helps! Keep writing! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

All journeys become good journeys after a time.
"My mind was as though ravaged by a storm
I was left with nothing that I could feel
The pain then gushed with no particular form
It caused my head and soul to reel"
Even the bad path make us stronger in the ending. I liked the flow of thoughts leading to good ending.
Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[θεά]

This has such startling imagery splattered all over the stanzas. Very hard-hitting writing, Sage. So far, whatever I had read of yours had to do with more loving, more tender emotions, which'd almost appear supine in comparison to the theme you have chosen with this poem.

Thanks for sharing. This has the ability to make its readers reel.

Best,
M.

[Greg Agee]

As always Sage, your pen is mighty. Dancing into the moment and finding it's way home. Good stuff

[Sage]

Haha, thanks for finding it so!

[Emily]

I like how you started it. Very strong start!
Well done!
Keep it up!

[Sage]

Thanks, I'll glad you liked it :)

[Ellen Kolman]

Wow...my first response is to just give you a hug, I feel the intensity of your pain...next I love the word slate used here, it is the perfect word picture for feeling blank... brilliant...keep writing

[Sage]

Thank you! I'll definitely keep writing. Please keep reading!

[Ellen Kolman]

I plan to....I also would really appreciate your opinion on my work too...your work truly clicks with me...BRAVO

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Welcome to my everydays. It also reminded me of the first lines of a song i love.

"i live alone, inside my mind. world of confusion, air filled with noise. .."
Anthrax : Madhouse.
nice work.

[Sage]

Thanks mate :D

[Dani The Unreviewed]

sure thing.

[Aswin R Prasad]

Great poem.. It has a good flow to it :)

"I stand alone, my energy drained
Hopeless, defeated and aimless in the rain"
And i really liked the use of words in these lines.. :)

Keep writing :)

[Sage]

Thank you :)

[Aswin R Prasad]

Your welcome :)