It's a hard pill to swallow

A Story by Eden

And that’s when she did it. I knew just then that I had no hope in saying no. I swore that it couldn’t happen again. She forced her hand on my shaking knee. And of course I knew what this meant. This meant it’s a make or break situation, I can sit here and let her keep going, or I can get up and leave. But the physically walking out wasn’t the hard part, I could do that on any given day to any given girl. But this wasn’t any given day nor any given girl. The hard part was the weight of her hand on my trembling weak leg, yes she had progressed from my knee to my mid thigh by this point. Feeling her touch again like an addiction too long in withdrawel with a final ease to calm the chills. Being in a room with that many people, you’d think someone would take notice, but everyone was too intoxicated to bother saving me. I was too sober to save myself. She was intoxicating. Her smell of lust, her smile so gentle, but her touch felt of greed. All so bittersweet, I’m not sure if I could even begin to turn away. My finger tips are tappng against my hips when I feel the tips of her fingers touch the top of my hand and soon after move to the top of my tapping fingers. Her palm presses to my hand like a suction. I breathe in that same deep breath you take right after snorting a line of the poison of your choice.That sigh of relief… that sigh of ‘soon enough I’ll be regretting this’. But for now I am in heaven, and somehow I am God and I have let Lucifer herself back into the gates. This was her first home after all before she was kicked out, banned for good. And I would be the fool, or so it would seem, slipping the brass key beneath the darkened gates in the mid of night. No one could see except for herself and for me. I could never give in to the reasons why she was locked outside. All I could see was the look in her eyes and that hunger she had for so much more. She was the one thing I had no reason to believe in and she was the one thing I couldn’t stand to lose faith in. Coming back to focus I remind myself I’ve been yet again thinking too much. I’ve never been one to sit in silence comfortably. But even a room filled with company is a room I find myself just as alone with myself. I keep staring at the random occurences around the room, I would explain what was going on around me but I really had no clue. I was pretending to laugh when I saw others laughing, and listening when others were talking, but I was so far in my head, and so far in her hand on mine that I hadn’t a clue what was really going on. My reality shook, and my mind had carried away. It wasn’t just me alone in that moment. I couldn’t even escape in my head and feel safe with my secrets. I could feel her looking at me, and I knew I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I looked to my left at her. I’m a sucker, I’m gone. She tilted her head slightly to my right and smiled at me. Not just any smile, it was a slightly opened mouth smile where I can see just enough to see her tongue press to her upper back teeth, and her light brown eyes painted black from her make up were squinting gently with the creases on each end of her smile rising. It was like a picture frozen in time something they try to capture in magazine catalogues. The kind of picture they take to make you feel as though if you could only be this person, you would know happiness. Well, I know it wasn’t as simple as that in reality. She may not be truly happy on the inside. But I can say she was happy to see me. And happy looked absolutely perfect on her. She needed that feeling forever. I needed to see that forever. I needed to pull myself back to the room and less on my mind, and less on her. I felt myself smile but couldn’t hold the eye contact, so my eyes hit the floor directly next to her shiny black heels. When I looked back I knew she had wanted an answer or question, or something, she had wanted something. Because she was no longer smiling, it was more of a grin, she was biting the side of her lip as well, and her eyes had let up some. She made confusion beautiful. And I’m falling into her never ending trap that she sets so well for me.