October Can Never Be The Same

oct 12th, 1990 - october 5th, 2006

It's this time every year

when the clouds roll back

and the rain stings our skin

slowly decomposing of what could have been

I didn't want to see you go

You couldn't even tell me when

I'll never know why

It's harder not getting to say goodbye

 

You wrote your story

all in the deepest of lines

you took what you had

and you packed it in a bottle

you sent it to sea

you hoped someone would find you on the other end

that someone should have been me

 

I guess I missed the performance

but i was there for the encore

that you never showed up for

the crowds still waiting

we're all still singing

those same lines you threw us

your message came too late

but you just couldn't wait...

where are you now?
 

I expected a letter in the least

can you feel me in

on what goes on after your gone

cause wherever it is

I'll meet you half way

between the sun and

where I stand
 

the smell of the rain

on your forehead

the fumes of exhaust

from the speeding cars

the sweat that rolls down your neck

when thinking of this

when thinking this is it
everything has a tiny piece of you within it
pumping your last breath we all wish to breathe
but the fall wind carries it
as it drags the leaves across the empty streets
and when the breeze crawls up my spine
I know it's you wanting to help ease my heavy mind

 

cheap passes to the exit

and quitting before you can retire

I can't remember why

but I just can't leave it

you were lost just like the rest of us

but for whatever reason

we find a reason to keep on

to keep on without you

it seems so wrong

but the crowds still here

just waiting on you with

their disappointed faces and

their disoriented notions

how can we leave

when you promised to show

we're torn; were always torn
and it's ripping at the seams
but frustration and endless despair
leave us all standing, waiting here
as the water fills our lungs
and we're fighting, begging
for a breath of fresh air

 

I guess the waves couldn't hold you anymore

then the rest of us could

but we tried

we really f*****g tried

and you still left us

to wait without any word

where is the closure in this

I feel there's just no way out

backed against a wall of shame

for not getting the message of your doubt

I'm hanging on I'm suffocating

I'm scratching at the rope

I just want to get out

I feel the circulation cutting,

the blood rushing to my head,

the cold rush up my skin

and as everything beings to spin

I choke on every word you ever said

because I'm waiting for you

I wish I had known you were waiting on someone too

but no one was there to cut it

no one was there to stop the blood from rushing

you could've said something

we were all trying so f*****g hard

just f*****g tell me why

I can't scream any louder

without speaking a word

this deafening silence is set to kill

and I'm weakening at the knees

and my stomach is sick

and I guess this is expected

but you didn't expect any of this..

did you?

　

give me a reason to believe

you can hear what I say

when I'm thinking the things I wish I could tell you

cause I can't think of your body at waste

or that your life was for nothing

It's something I can't bare to take

and when i go

if it's dark then I guess I'll never know

but I have this rising thought

in the back of my broken mind

telling me you're the light at this end of the tunnel

waving, smiling, whispering the words

that make me fall to my knees everytime

 

october can never be the same...