thethirtysomethingJasmine (for good or for nothing)

 

She started driving in the opposite direction because she was not going to loose control again. The constant replay, his face in her mind, the longing, the wondering, none of it was stopping her heart now made of steal. Not even the yearning. Missing him was her motivation to drive the other way, far away from where he would find her. The reality was Jasmine knew he would not be looking. If she did not enter through the door where he was guaranteed to be waiting to see her face appear smiling at him there was no way for them to collide. 

 

With each song that played she felt wavering emotions. A romantic song pulling at her heart and mind connection would play and she felt a twinge of what she longed for it to turn into the first time around. A smile grew on her face as she thought of his sweet false touch on her cheek. He locked into her eyes as if she really was the only women he loved. They kissed and kissed and kissed some more as if he were afraid of what would happen if he let himself part from her lips. But even as the song played she was no longer fooled by the love he only had for his dream of could be’s. He would be leaving her with nothing once she walked out the door.

 

Another song begins and Jasmine jolted herself with a slightly wicked sounding laugh. This time a song more cynical, acknowledging how much she could live without the game. She knows she is not really in love. Not the love you read about in fairytales. Maybe just the love that her parents animatedly taught her about with their indiscretions and low self esteem. Just a model to follow but something she knew full well was not for her even if it did not stop her.

Not enjoying the sentiment as much she hit random and the song switches again. A song like a dream catches her as she stops at the red light to see the rain graze down on the cracked windshield. “If we were in love, this would be the song.” She said out loud for no one to hear but herself. Her heart beat a little faster, not sure if it were from the medicine she took earlier for her asthma or the thought of how could she really hold it all together.  She knew she could. Jasmine made the choice to drive the other way. She just was not sure if she was smiling because of she knew she had all the control she needed to heal or because she never knew a love like this, for good or for nothing.

Reviews

[JC Fox]

Another great thirty something installment