Happy Birthday Dad

he's gone all i can do it write

 

Happy Birthday Dad                       2.12.2008

 

Remember on your 60^th and you lay in the bed,

I came into to see if you were okay

We talked about God

We talked about where dead people go

What they whisper to us when there is something we need to know 

What would we talk about today?

I’d tell you how fed up I am

The men I want to call don’t

And the ones I don’t do

The same old story, Dad

It’s your fault

I’m working on it now though

I have nothing else

 I’d tell you how I was raped

I am still struggling

Trying to accept that I will never be the same

Nobody knows it

They do not see

Would you?

 I’d ask you what it meant to say no

You never did

Not to anyone

Even if it meant you had to lie

Lie to me

Leave me alone

 I’d tell you about my sister

She calls at her convenience

But after all this, she does not have time for me

It hurts

I know it is all you would want

Our time

Making amends you left behind

 We are still in a war Dad.

Were you drafted?

I am out there fighting for the things I believe in

But now I am paid peanuts for it

I can not believe today is your birthday

I do not want to sing

Not for you

Not for anyone

Not today 

I’d want to sit and talk about the Superbowl

I know it is all you would want to talk about

Your precious Giants

Finally won

We’d sit on that same bed where I learned you were going to die

And you told me you just wanted to see the Giants rise to another victory

Well this was the year

 This was the year 

I’d want to sit and talk to you about why you died

About how I warned you

How you did not take care about leaving me behind

 I’d want to sit and talk to you

Today on your birthday

But I am just not sure what you ever really heard

 

 

 

Reviews

[Bubo]

Losing my Dad on Monday this really brings a huge lump to my throat...........so many questions and the
awful feeling so much left unsaid and so much more to be said............very painful facts that we
continue living, hurting and deal with life's crimes.......wondering if he heard, or hears..........
your sister who seems never there, memories of his passing............I am so sorry for your loss, and
your hurt............I can't right now find the words for a decent enough review.........

[An Ordinary Woman]

I didn't expect this, I am touched and saddened.

I think it best you wrote this, I think you needed to let it out and good for you that you were able. I do understand, and I wish you all the best and blessing too....

Excellent writing...

[Forest Green]

Swing low...I found your poem heartfelt throughout...replete with struggles between minds, relationships, tragedies and simple, honest wishes.

Coming for to carry me home...how the reality of death sinks into every nook and cranny of life.

I'm sorry for the hurt, Danielle.

Forest

[Mark Pearce]

I like the range of emotion and observation in this.

Good times. Sad times.

Wish you were here. Were you ever really here?

I'd like to tell you my problems. I'd like to share your joy.

Kind of like real life, that.

[Misa]

Parents are an...incredibly painful topic, almost irregardless of the idea behind the write. For the most part, people are lucky, born to parents mature and able to handle those responsibilities, but then there're the unlucky ones - those born to men and women unable to take care of themselves, let alone children. In the end its usually us that pay for those mistakes, and not only once, but time and time again throughout our lives. What you posed here, the images of wanting - not emotional time, but the small, casual things like the superbowl -show just how much of an affect the loss of a parent can have on us, sometimes even before death.
The use of the war metaphor - conscription/drafting - worked out wonderfully - applying that to you fighting your way through the emotional impact he (and others, but influenced by him) extends that, and gives your voice an incredible strength - the will to keep fighting, even when the rewards are absolute crap. l absolutely loved this, even if editing or whatever was needed, because it describes much of what too many feel and go through on a daily basis. Wonderful write.
~Misa