Insane Being

Poem suggests themes of madness, loneliness and solitude. Please read the reviewers note :)

Insane Being

You have become insane,

Can you hear the stormy rain?

They quickly lock you away,

Out of the joyous light of day.

You sit on the floor feeling lonely,

Looking scrawny, skinny and bony.

Laughing into the empty room,

Crazy as you wait for your doom.

What will they do? You're beginning to fear,

Rip you from the world or keep you forever here?

Stay and wait for the decision to be made,

As your known existence starts to fade.

You are here because you are crazy,

And your memory is starting to grow hazy.

You're angry now, wanting to get away,

Planning revenge, you will escape one day.

Into the world of the unknown,

A insane being shall once again roam.

Author's Note

Please give me a review because I wasn't sure if this one was any good so I really want to know what people think about it. Thank you :)

Reviews

[Yasmin]

so this is where sanitarium is
I like the idea and the theme very much and I like the way you involve your personal feelings in your words
Its very deep
You have two mistakes though:
" Your (should be you are) here because your crazy,
And your memory is going hazy.

Your ( should be you are ) angry now and want to get away,
Planning revenge, you will escape one day."
other than that you should know that it is good and entertaining

[Sami Khalil]

A good rhyming poem. Thank you for sharing...:).....................

[Tina Kline]

This makes me think of someone locked up in a mental hospital who has lost all control of their life, thoughts, very existence. Who wouldn't want out? Who wouldn't be angry and want revenge.
I think you have an excellent poem here.

[Gabby Nieves]

Reminds me of when I went to the mental hospital lol oh my. I really liked this, I got the mike myers vibe.

[Violet Stone]

I'm glad you liked it :)

[Riley Justine]

Okay, there are some things in here that seem wrong. But if you read them twice over it actually is just a portrayal of voice! I think this flows in its own unique way. It's a really well done piece

[Violet Stone]

Thank you very much :) I'm glad you think so

[Jack Wolfe]

Hey, Violet, this was an interesting read, but a few problems caused paused, You state this is a glimpse into madness, 'A little pup' is in contrast to what you are representing.

Quickly, Lonely .(Do your best to avoid adverbs, especial(ly) ones

(y)our being to fear (cap)

I'm not going to go into format, and meter, but I warn some will, also some of your rhymes seemed a bit forced.

You paint a picture of someone locked away, awaiting judgment, their mind being analyzed, and they feel trapped, but the technical aspects caused me to not be able to become immersed.

I hope this helps.

[Violet Stone]

Thanks for the review. Yes, it did help and I see what you mean. This poem was one of those times where I have had the idea and just gone straight ahead, not planning it. Although, I'm happy you found it interesting.

[Jack Wolfe]

I can understand, often times the pen/quill/word processor can run away with your heart, mind, and emotions. A bit of clean up and practice and I think you'll do well.

[Violet Stone]

Yes, I would say that's exactly what happened and thank you for pointing out my faults. I shall defiantly get to work on that clean up :) Thank you very much.