Alex, Chapter I

Chapter I

Planet Bae, Hidden Galaxy

12 years later

 

"Happy fifteenth birthday, Alex," Greavus said to me as I got out of the car.

 

"Ya, now I’m officially a prisoner," I grumbled.

 

"Not a prisoner, just a guest who isn’t allowed to leave and is under constant supervision," David said climbing out after me.

 

I sighed. It was pathetic. I had to create people just so I could have friends. Greavus was an alright guy, but his eight limbs, armored skin, super strength and uptight personality made him weird to be around.

 

Greavus normally his his true appearance, but today he let it show. His face had four horns going backwards, one per corner. He had a long, extremely flexible neck, at least a foot and a half feet long, that could turn in any direction. Greavus had two limbs that ended in spikes that came out of his back and reached over his shoulders, but could also swivel to his go under his arms. His thick shoulders gave off two arms that each split into two forearms at the elbow. His pale white skin was freezing to the touch and couldn’t be scratched when hit with missiles, for he made sure of that fact once a week.

 

Greavus was human, born to human parents. It appeared that his father, who had been a one-night stand, had Arachniod DNA in him, a recessive trait that rarely surfaces due to being overwhelmed by the human DNA. When Greavus looked into his father’s family, he found that his great, great, grandfather had been Scourge, scorn of over twenty different galaxies. Greavus had been the one who put him behind bars, twenty years ago, where he remains frozen in ice.

 

"It isn’t that bad here, Alex, David. Greavus said we’re here to be with other people our age who

are gifted. I think it’ll be fun here," Lisa said. Lisa was a thin, pretty girl who was only about five feet tall. Everyone thought she was adorable, so she got everything she wanted. I created her six years ago.

 

"I’m glad that you think it’ll be fun, Lisa. Alex, this place isn’t that strict. Anyways, you’ll be able to make a lot of new friends here," Greavus said. "Go inside, you three. I’ll grab your bags." Using three of his four hands, he grabbed our suitcases by their handles and used the fourth to close the trunk door.

 

David and Lisa ran ahead to the great stone building.

 

This place was one part school, one part government facility, one part homeless center and all prison.

 

Every gifted person above the rank of Delta and up in 170 galaxies under the age of twenty lived here and trained. The above ground part of the building covered over a hundred square acres. The large grey stone walls stretched as far as the eye could see in either direction and went fifty stories up.

 

I followed David and Lisa through the glass doors. A few seconds later I heard the tinkle of glass as Greavus used his extra spear-like arms to push the doors open.

 

A lady in a secretary uniform materialized in front of us, literally materializing out of thin air. She smiled, saying, "Mr. Deadlok, I thought you were only bringing one child."

 

Greavus gave me a look and David and Lisa groaned.

 

"You better tell us what happened later, Alex," Lisa said before I absorbed the two of them into my body.

 

The secretary had a confused look on her face, so Greavus explained. "Alex, here, has the ability to absorb energy from all inanimate and animate objects and create living breathing life with that energy. She created an entire town at the age of three.

 

Nodding, like that made perfect sense, the lady checked her watch. "Alright, go through the doors to the left. There are some people who would like to meet you, Alex. Come with me Greavus, we’ll take those things to Alex’s room."

 

The two vanished and I stood in the large white room alone. I walked to the door and pulled it open and stepped through.

 

Five kids stood next to a large man with silver skin, typical of someone from Planet Xeu. The six of them turned as in closed the door behind me, loader than expected.

 

"Who’s the babe?" said a young human boy with a heavy Chinese accent. His eyes were so squinted

I couldn’t see the color of them, but his black hair was tied in a traditional Chinese bun.

 

"Will you at least try to be polite," said another boy, who had red skin. He had to be from the Obelisk Galaxy, due to the vibrancy of his skin and the typical devil-like tail, which he used to hit the Chinese boy.

 

"Lord you boys are so immature!" said an Earth girl with a tropical tan. Her auburn hair was layered and went to her waist. Her green eyes avoided the two boys.

 

The last two children were twins. The girl looked at me, but didn’t say anything.

 

Her brother looked at me and said, "At least she’s human, even if she wasn’t raised on Earth. Look at her skin; you can’t get that kind of tan on Earth."

 

The Xeu man shook his head. "Please forgive these five. I believe introductions are in order. I am Sven, but everyone calls me Sev. I’m one of the medics here, but I’m also a Gamma, third most powerful level. I can revive dying tissue. These five are the Coven, all of them are Betas."

 

The Chinese boy stepped forward. "I’m Cho, but I’m called Minus. I can erase matter with the energy I absorb."

 

"Back up, shorty. I’m Nova. I use the energy to do this," said the red skinned boy. He snapped his fingers and his arms stiffened. He clawed his fingers and I could see the air between his outstretched hands superheating. He raised his arms over his head and a massive fireball exploded into existence. "I can create stars with my absorbed energy. Watch this."

 

Straining, he pushed his hands closer to gather and the star shrank. He continued to push until the star was held between two fingers. He brought it to his mouth and breathed on it. The tiny star fell and he caught it.

 

"Here a pretty ornament for a pretty girl," he said, handing me the tiny frozen star. It was just the right size to fit on my silver bracelet.

 

The auburn haired girl looked at him. "When you got here, you said the same thing to me and Mage!" She slapped him and he laughed, backing away. She turned to me.

 

"I’m Snow. The ability I have is to change the weather in a few hundred yard diameter."

The twin boy looked at me. "I’m Wizard, a nickname, and this is my twin, Mage, which is her real name. We can change the form of matter and energy by force, changing solid stone to gases or electricity to chemical energy.

 

Sev looked at me. "Each of these children are constantly absorbing energy from their surrounding, aboitic or biotic. Because their powers are so similar, they are called the Coven.

 

Nova shot him a look. "So, we were wondering if you’d be the sixth member of our Coven?"

Reviews

[loading...]

Concept is mad cool. I've always loved a good sci fi to absorb.
I like the humorous undertone, it adds a nice layered feeling, and helps the story be more light hearted.

I found myself tripping out at points. Some of this was pretty confusing. Some was extremely vague, which works sometimes, but not here. I need some imagery to feed on.
Im finding it too hard to create an image in my mind, and i feel that everything is just coming at me, i cant understand some things.

The mix of 'old and knew' is pretty offsetting. you've got galaxies and holograms, but then wizards and mages. Maybe this could be rephrased so that its a bit more subtle.

There are some spelling and grammatical mistakes, as well as some typos. Somewhere in the beginning you wrote "his his." i think you meant to write "hid his," but this took me a minute to figure out. things like this can give the reader the wrong idea, and mask the awesomeness of your writing.

A more interesting hook on the beginning would make this a lot better.
For the rest of the body, maybe try letting the reader make an inference, instead of giving them all of the stats. Add another layer of intrigue and suspense to it, maybe add in a little bit of action or an event that will make the reader treat this story like bacon. Bacon is good. (warm, greasy, pleasurable, highly addictive)

keep this up. id love to see an edited version of this chapter.
Tell me if you come out with anything else you want me to review.

may the force be with you.
-Jamila