Death

Very dark. I think I remember reading this once. Very well written too. There are no errors that I can see. The description of the woman's horror filled past draws the reader in. The obvious pain she is in makes me feel for her, makes me want to know what it is that happened to her. I want to ease her suffering.

On another note, in my personal opinion, just because it's something I like to do, consider making the last line its own paragraph. It is a powerful line, one that makes a statement both about her altered perceptions and about the world as a whole. It should be emphasized. At least in my opinion.

Good work as always. Although I would like to read more of this woman.

Posted 13 Years Ago

I really like the sentence structure in this write. What I mean is, you include enough description to draw the reader into the book, but not so much as to cloud the reader with a murky image in their minds' eye =]

What I also enjoyed was the longer paragraphing, finishing an idea before moving onto a new one; it creates good flow =]

Well written =]

Posted 13 Years Ago

Very dark. I think I remember reading this once. Very well written too. There are no errors that I can see. The description of the woman's horror filled past draws the reader in. The obvious pain she is in makes me feel for her, makes me want to know what it is that happened to her. I want to ease her suffering.

On another note, in my personal opinion, just because it's something I like to do, consider making the last line its own paragraph. It is a powerful line, one that makes a statement both about her altered perceptions and about the world as a whole. It should be emphasized. At least in my opinion.

Good work as always. Although I would like to read more of this woman.

Posted 13 Years Ago

wow
i seriously hope that did not happen too you
but you make it sound like you did,
but well
that makes it more beautifull
watch the lay out though!

Posted 13 Years Ago