Introduction

As far back as I can remember people have been trying to prepare me for what life has to offer. My parents, friends, teachers, and even occasional strangers would pass on intelligent sayings, trying to get me to think about life as I know it, and life in the future.

I always listened of course, though sometimes I might not have really understood the meaning behind their words. I grew up a good girl, making sure I did everything I could to help others around me. Always obeying the golden rule 'treat others they way you wish to be treated'. There were times I forgot myself, and a harsh word or two would escape my lips, or a rash decision would lead me in the wrong direction. Sure enough Karma was there every time, slapping me on the wrist, or in the face.

At one point in time, I was putting everyone else before me, all I wanted was to see others smile and laugh, even if it meant my own misery. I never questioned it though, I was taught to trust on first meeting, give everything until I was given a reason not to. Oddly enough, no one ever game me a reason to not trust, love, or care for.

Maybe I was too generous, or maybe I was just blind, thinking that everything was good and safe. I didn't really know how to hate, or dislike other people, I didn't understand why there would ever be a good enough reason to hold a grudge. Then my father kept me up one night, I was about fifteen and it was raining. My father said a lot of things to me that night, not all of which I understood then; But in the end, I realize that I look back and remember the things my father said to me that night more than anything else.

In essence, he told me he loved me and said that I was the perfect daughter. Such a smile of pride and love on his face as he said that to me, and my smile mimicked his. Then his expression sobered, his dark chocolate eyes bore into mine; His next words were a bit hurtful, but I understand now what he was trying to say to me.

"Val, baby, your everything a father can ask for. Your the good, gracious light this world needs, but even the sun fades off at the end of the day and gives the moon some room. Everything in life is a balance of light and dark, hun, good and bad. Even me and your mom are not perfect, nothing is, including you."

At the time, I had been shocked and hurt by his words, I didn't really understand them, and despite his other words, I had thought he didn't love me, or even believed in me anymore. I never let him know how his words made me feel, and I had spent weeks replaying what he had said in my head, even crying over them at times.

After that night, I had been a little rebellious, a little reckless, nothing over the top; But the normal teenage foolishness, trying to darken the glorious light my father had told me I was. Not once, did my parents look down on me with disappointment, in fact, it seemed they looked at me to be more perfect than before.

I am not shy to say that I have the best parents anyone could ask for, they did their best, and it seemed their best was more than good enough. They had faith in me, and loved me with everything they had. Looking back on that rainy night when I was fifteen, I realize that my fathers words had changed me forever. His advice was probably the best I had ever gotten, nothing was all good, and nothing was all bad. There was a line where light and darkness met and bled together.

I had a plan in life, I was going to finish school, go to college, find a man to love and marry, I was going to have babies. My children would be spoiled by their grandparents and my life would be a simple one of love and warmth. Nothing ever goes the way we plan them though, and I don't think a lifetime of parental advice could have ever prepared me for what the future had in store for me.

Nothing would be simple, and nothing would be fair or just. I would fight with the line of light and darkness, and I would realize that nothing was ever as it seemed to be. Life was not what it seemed, truth and lies were not what they seemed, I was not what I seemed.

Reviews

[Annolyn]

Very nice intro. I feel I can relate.