Drifting

From my nightmares again I wake, with heaving sighs from lungs that quake. The morning brings sedative sadness, and to my daydreams I escape the madness.
Breath in resolve, breath in again. Inhale strength and shake my skin. Exhale fear, exhale pain, remove the fire that burns in vain. But water rushed and lungs contort, I gasped before the air runs short.
And into darkness I drift away, into numbness my soul does fray

Author's Note

I can't tell if this is complete but it's all I was able to conjure at the moment.

Reviews

[willweb]

It feels complete to me, the stanzas enclosed in the paragraph sum to an even number. The story has a beginning, a middle and an end. Yep, complete to me.

[Chris]

some works just have a life of their own...so how do YOU feel now?

[Wórdsmíth]

there's still so much to read; to know & to be more curious about 'Drifting'. i would ev'n love to read more if you choose to write on.. it again, though sometimes it's good to write something short that whatever comes in our head to get further transformed into words...

looking forward to readin' your work!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Yup I like this, it has great merit and emotion described. There is a danger in rhyming poetry as sometimes we try to let the rhyme dictate so just be aware. The final rhyme might benefit from thinking about otherwise this is very readable.

[Jess]

I think you have great bones for a poem here! It is a great concept that needs expansion. Great start!

[Davidgeo]

It doesn't feel complete.