Aberrant Soul

Dark pools of heartening bliss, how do they fright me;

A wonderland in their ways, and I, ashamed to want, to need. 

Yet there you lay, stretched out before me; Only the black silky shadows obscuring your perfection. 

I swore eternity, I vowed faitful; 

Keeping my innocence more pure than the snowflake is unique.

But your darkness breaks my royal walls, this castle leaking evanescent.

My glory held in heaven, now only an insatiable demon.

Now I, condemned, shall forever lay in the frost of your wake;

My body a flame with desire, woken by your aberrant soul. 

Forever I float through the abyss of memory, consiquence transparent to my now darkened eyes.

Author's Note

This poem was created from two lists of words, created by a friend and fellow writer, Caradoc.

Reviews

[Caradoc]

I. Am. Impressed.

This is made of epic win. I swear each line is a treat for the eyes. You wove each keyword in so naturally it's as if they were born there. If you're not a master then you are definitely close to it.

This piece...I see a young woman giving herself to her husband on their wedding night. It conjured the image of them in the bedchamber of his castle high atop a windswept mountain, blanketed in snow. That and how, truthfully he is really a demon in disguise and after their moment of extreme passion he leaves, and she is undone.

What a story you have told here.

Love the title too and the fact that you dropped it into the poem itself. Those things always drive me mad with delight.

Just...amazing.

-Caradoc

[Rob Santana]

Beautiful dark words you have put together.

[Rocans]

I enjoyed this immensely, I kind of wished it was longer. I particularly like the lines "Only the black silky shadows obscuring your perfection" I was wondering though-in the 3rd line of the 2nd stanza-if there should be a comma in between the "leaking" and the "evanescent"? The other line I thoroughly enjoyed was the final one "...Consequence transparent to my now darkened eyes".

[Castonovia]

Love the structure and description so deep in comparison, lyrical with pure, dark beauty a strange evanescence misting over the mind and soul!!! Well penned, indeed :)

[Kenneth The Poet]

Deep write. Quite good. Love the use of structure and vivid prose here.