Blood Red Rose

My beautiful blood red rose,

How your thorns have enslaved thee,

How the poisoned bees invade thee,

How the soil has betrayed thee,

My sweet blood red rose.

 

My dearest blood red rose,

All the blood you have shed in vain,

Your sweet velvety petals are all stained,

By the years of your tears in pain,

My lovely blood red rose.

 

My simple blood red rose,

I should have protected you more, tried a little harder,

You have sacraficed everything for me, my own personal martyr,

You give yourself to me completely without wanting anything to barter,

My precious blood red rose.

 

My treasured blood red rose,

I suck you dry till you're withered and weak,

Yet there you stay, devoted inside my chest that's so bleak,

I'm torn to make you stay but without you I'm incomplete,

My gentle blood red rose.

 

My beloved blood red rose,

When you scream out my body trembles in agony,

If there's a way to save you just ask of me,

But I'm afraid our death is the only way to set you free,

My own blood red rose.

Author's Note

Just a work in progress, but want to know if I should keep or toss.

Reviews

[Katherine Hall]

Keep, and keep revising!
I love the music in this poem, but it gets a little overwrought in some places (lots of the same language used over and over: cold, bleak, pain, agony, etc.). Great music, great rhythm, but perhaps a little bit long. I think pruning this poem (no pun intended) by a few lines, or even a few stanzas, will actually strengthen it and give it more punch, more impact. Like roses, some excellent poetry need to be cut back to their very roots to flourish the best :)

[Sidewalk]

When I first saw the title, I was a little hesitant, the rose an all too often hackneyed form of imagery, but I actually enjoyed this, although it feels a little wordy.

[Arthur Crow]

This is as beautiful as the title suggests.. I was completely engaged into the atmosphere and mood of a blood red rose. It all flows effortlessly like wine to intoxicate the senses. Love it!

[Pax Analog]

Gnostic romanticism, ardent soul feeling trapped in form, the latter too informed by numbing "normalities."

Pisces knows better than any other sign the necessity for soul sanctuary. Your hothouse blood red rose soul does not have to die with physicality to be set free.

The mystic injunction to "die before you die" seems resonant though. The profound paradox of "this is the other world" can only be known via transformation love and contemplation.

I posit a red rose of the heart, blue rose of the visionary mind, and black rose of fierce desire as resurrectional impetus in the realm of consensus zombification.

Death of mediated plastic flowers leaves the body breathing reborn.

[Andrew'sWonderland]

Haunting! Beautiful!! Heartfelt!!! And Creative!!!! Great write!!!!!

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations for winning the red-rose contest!

[Tate Morgan]

Keep it It speaks from the heart to the soul denoting a song between them .That is life

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning poem. Well Done!

[Ryan]

Your style reminds me of Emily Dickenson. Love the use of the old language, ie "thee". Seems like a lover you want to protect but have to let go...pain in beauty, like the rose :) very, very beautiful. Love it!

[Eagle Cruagh]

Please don`t toss anything you write.

I am unable to do justice to your
genius. Each petal of the rose is an
offering to your God. Be proud.

I will read and re-read you until I am
more understanding. Until then-----

Rated-----100 %

-----Eagle Cruagh