Chpt. 3

　　　　　　　　　　　 Sabrina looked out of her bedroom window in the two story home. She sighed as she recalled her best friend’s fifteenth birthday party that was cancelled due to the threat of the storm that was coming.

“Sabrina, time to eat.” Sabrina’s mother called from down stairs. She descended the stairs with a gloomy air about her. When she entered the kitchen her mother immediately knew there was a problem.

“Are you okay, sweetie? I’m sorry about the birthday party. How about I take you and Salem to a nice place tomorrow when the weather clears up.” Sabrina sat down in her place at the table her face looking hopeful.

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere you to would like to go.” A smile finally played across Sabrina’s face.

“Anywhere?” Her mother nodded and placed a paper plate in front of Sabrina. She stared at the plate for a brief period.

“Mom, where’s the food.” As if answering her question the doorbell rang.

“Speaking of...” Her mother said and then went to answer the door. When it opened Sabrina’s best friend, holding a couple boxes of pizza was standing in the door way.
　　　　　　　　　　　 “Hello, Mrs. Peterson.” Sabrina’s mother let the girl inside and closed the door.

“Sabrina, Samantha is staying the night here, if that is alright with you.” A broad smile played on Sabrina’s face.

“Of course it is.”

　

The next day the two girls decided to go to a festival that was going to last all day. During the festival as the sun was finally starting to set Sabrina got separated from Salem and Sabrina’s mother.

“I can’t find Sabrina anywhere!” Sabrina’s mother spun her head around frantically. The festival was crowed and picking out a fifteen year old girl proved to be difficult.

　

Sabrina had wondered to the edge of the crowded festival and was now walking through a wooded area that wasn’t far off from where the festival grounds were. I can’t believe I wandered off. Mom is so going to have an earful for me when I find her again. Salem though to herself. There was a sound coming from a nearby brush and Sabrina jumped. It was then she noticed a girl hunched against the bush. The girl stood up and turned around. The two just stared at each other for a while not moving at all.

“Excuse me,” Sabrina started. “do you know where--”

“No.” The girl said cutting Sabrina off.

“I didn’t even finish my question.” Sabrina said annoyed.

“I don’t know the area.” Sabrina looked at the girl hesitantly.

“How did you know that I was lost?” The girl returned to what she was doing at the base of the bush. “Are you lost too?” The girl shook her head. “Then what are you doing here?” Sabrina asked.

“Meeting with my friend, here.”

“What friend?” Sabrina approached the bush.

“He’s not feeling well.” Sabrina gasp when she saw a dead crow lying on the ground. The girl looked up at Sabrina. “Do you think he’ll feel better in a little while?” Sabrina shook her head.

“It’s dead.” The girl looked horror stricken and quickly turned back towards the dead crow and shook it lightly. “I’m sorry.” Sabrina said sympathetically.

“Now I don’t have any friends.” There was a moment of silence until Sabrina spoke.

“Well, what about me then?” The girl looked at Sabrina for a little while.

“Are you saying you’ll be my friend?”

“Only if you tell me your name.“ Sabrina held out her hand and the girl took it. 　 “Kayla. It’s Kayla.” Together they both managed their way back to the heart of the festival and literally ran into Salem.

“Sabrina,” Salem said shocked. “Where have you been. Me and you--” She stopped speaking when she realized Sabrina was holding hands with the girl. “Who’s this?”

“Salem, this is Kayla. We met up on the way here. She’s lost too.”

“Should we start looking for her parents, then?” Sabrina’s mother walked up from behind the group. Kayla shook her head.

“They are not here. I can find my own way back.” Kayla walked away and disappeared into the crowd of people.

“Well, who was that?” Sabrina’s mother asked.

“Kayla. I found her in the forest over there.” Sabrina pointed to the thick woods that started across the street from where they were standing.

“And how did you end up over there? We were looking everywhere for you!”

“I’m sorry. I saw something there and wanted to see it. It was after I had already gotten separated from you two. See, Mom. If I had a cell phone this would never be a problem.” Sabrina’s mother rolled her eyes.

“I’ll let it slide this once but that’s only because we’re celebrating Salem’s birthday. Now, come on the fireworks are about to start and I want to get the best seats. Do you think you can stick with us this time?”

“Yes, Mother.”

　

Sabrina woke up the next morning with the fresh aroma of breakfast being cooked in the kitchen downstairs. She got up and walked to the mirror hung on her bedroom door. Her brunette hair was a mess like it was every morning. She took her comb and was shortly presentable. She ran downstairs to the breakfast table. Salem went home right after they arrived home the previous night.

Sabrina’s mother set a plate down and the sight of the egg omelet with pancakes brought Sabrina’s hunger forth. After she was done eating her mother sat down with her own plate at the table.

“Any plans for today?” Sabrina pondered the question for a moment and suddenly came with an idea.

“Yes, I do. I want to go back to where they had the festival.” Her mother paused mid-chew. “I want to see if Kayla is there again.” Sabrina’s mother swallowed her food before speaking.

“I guess that’s alright but you be careful. I will meet you at the train station then. I have errands to run in that area anyway. Just make sure you catch the eight o’clock one.”

“Yes, Mother.”

　

As Sabrina walked through the forest she found that she couldn’t tell where she found the girl from before. She walked down a straight path hoping not to get lost. After walking aimlessly for ten minutes Sabrina was finally about to give up when she spotted something off in the distance that appeared different from the rest of the green forest. As she got closer to the object its shape became clearer to her. The object she saw was the dead crow. Sabrina wondered how long had it lay on the ground dead.

Sabrina stood up suddenly when the sound of footsteps approached. Kayla soon stepped into view. Like their first encounter the two girls stared at each other.

“I see you came to see him off as well.” Kayla spoke breaking the awkward silence.

“Well,” Sabrina started and then realized that if she said the wrong thing then Kayla might get upset. “I did and hoped to see you as well.” Kayla looked at Sabrina puzzled.

“Why would you want to see me again?”

“We’re friends remember?” Kayla held the same unchanging face. “You don’t smile much do you?” Kayla’s face became even more puzzled as if trying to recall the last time she performed such a simple action that was so long ago. Sabrina had never really paid attention to Kayla when they met for the first time the day before. She was too focused on worrying about her Mother and friend.

Kayla’s eyes were an icy blue with an unnatural black hair color. Sabrina wondered if it was dyed that color. The girl’s skin was pale in complexion and her hair was very long and ended at her thighs. The way her hair was would have shown Kayla to have a nice forehead but had strands covering most if it. The clothes she wore were an old Victorian style dress that made her seem like a very old fashioned type of girl.

“Do you have a lot of friends?” Kayla asked suddenly. “You are my best friend�"my only friend. I don’t want anyone to take that away.” Sabrina felt uneasy when she saw the maniacal look in Kayla’s eyes but they soon returned to their normal look.

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

In this chapter, you show much more attention to detail then the previous two. This made Chapter 3 much easier to read. First, I have a couple of minor nitpicks for you.

1) In two places near the beginning, you say that a smile "played" across a face. This felt like an attempt to be overly grand with your words. To me, "a smile spread" or "a smile formed on" or "she smiled" would have been more natural. I just read in a book on writing that an author doesn't want to "write down" to his readers. This felt a bit like that.

2) A bit farther down, you wrote "... Sabrina gasp ..." I think you wanted "... Sabrina gasped ..."

Now in the place where you describe Sabrina getting ready for breakfast I noticed some things ...

Is the aroma fresh or is the breakfast fresh?

Also ... I might ask if you just want to talk about the aroma of breakfast, or if you want to go a step further and tell us what she smells. Bacon? Coffee? Ham in the omlettes? Blueberries in the pancakes?

Also, at the end of that paragraph you added that Salem had gone home. It felt awkward in that spot. It was as if that was the exact moment that you remembered to tell us that Salem had gone home ... and so that was right where you wrote it in. I wonder if we even need that information.

The very last suggestion I have is this. That wonderfully written description of Kayla seemed out of place at the end of the chapter. You seem to try to explain that with these lines ...

"Sabrina had never really paid attention to Kayla when they met for the first time the day before. She was too focused on worrying about her Mother and friend."

But as I read the part where she was lost ... she had wandered (BTW, you typed that she "wondered off") into the forest. She certainly wasn't looking for her mother in the forest, was she??

Again ... everything in this review is offered not to beat you up but to help you get to a wonderful novel.

Keep banging out the words!!

[The_Dreamer]

Ooh, another innocent child involved! This is getting interesting!

[Hipster Detective]

This doesn't seem to connect with the other chapters, not only in plot but in writing style. The plot is there, but you need to flesh it out a bit more. Good so far, though.