The 3-Seater

A Story by Vin

Feel the journey on a rainy chilled night with all the favorite things.

"Excuse Me, I booked Seat No 1."

The girl looked at him. 'Oh, he looks good. One with a bright face,may be in mid 20's- I don't mind

giving the window seat away.' She moved and let him in. So she was in the middle of the 3 seater.

The bus was crowded. Initially he was not sure about going in a 3 seater. But he chose the only available one.

Now, he was glad about the choice. He looked at the girl. One wearing a full sleeve top with shawl, wearing specs.

She was lean and had a serious face. He noticed the pendant with a cross on it. She removed the headphones after he sat. And he was happy about that.

'Nowadays clean shaven guys are so rare.' She thought. He has a happy face, kind of smiling, wearing a black half sleeve tee and a Nike jogger. He is not so thin or fat, kind of an ideal body. She looked on his face again, he took a sip from his water bottle.'Oh he is drinking like a toddler.'

The bus started. She prayed for a second and put cross while doing so. He looked at her. They smiled. 'She is innocent.' And he was glad about that first rapport. But still they were not talking. She took the phone, started watching some movie. And he gazed out of the window. He was staring at the full moon, not knowing why.

It started raining. She was asleep putting head onto his shoulder. He looked around, the entire bus was sleeping. He smiled, put the headphones in and closed his eyes.

It was raining heavily. She opened her eyes. Her head was resting on his shoulder and his head above hers. Her hand was on his thighs. 'Sleep does wonders!!'

She was feeling cold.' He is the only one who haven't closed the window. 'Doesn't he feel the chill? ' She wanted to close the window, but without waking him up. She tried to reach the window, it was hard. Suddenly the driver pressed the brakes.

He opened his eyes, finding her face close to his.

"Oh Sorry, I was trying to close the window"- She was feeling guilty and cursing the driver.

"Let me do that." He closed the window and sat straight. "You should have woke me up."

"Don't you feel cold" She asked with wonder.

He smiled. " Not usually. And by the way, feeling cold is better than the suffocation right? See, every other window's closed."

He took out his sleek cap- "you can use this if you want"

"No thanks, she smiled again.' Now it's fine.

"Aryan." He introduced and stretched his hand forward.

"Aleena" She shook it mildly. 'His hands were cold.'

They sat straight, this time a little closer. She pulled up her sleeves. She was feeling the cold of his arms.

He placed his leg close to hers. The seat was a little congested and he was happy about that.

She took out two chewing gums and gave one to him. He said " Thanks. But mind you, this will take away your sleep."

"I don't mind, as long as I've got company." She was really in a mood to talk.

"What movie you were watching?" He asked.

"Some stupid one. My friend gave me. I cannot be entertained just by looking at the moon for hours." She literally started poking.

"oh, someone is paying close attention- I'm glad " He was also not giving up.

She placed one hand on his thighs, this time on purpose " This doesn't usually happen. Normally it will be some ladies who will be sitting with me. This time it got different. so..."

He looked at her hand, placed his on top and said " Well, same's the case here. Glad this happened." He gave one of his earphones to her and played his favorite playlist.

*****************************************

He opened his eyes. Her head was resting on his shoulder and his head on hers. Her left hands were around his waist. His left hands on her thighs. He touched her right hand. She opened her eyes slowly. But this time they didn't sit straight. The positions were alright. She smiled and clasped his hand " I slept well!".

"So did I" He said. He looked through the front window. 'Oh! S**t!' He could see his destination stop in front. He looked at the watch- it was time.

He looked at her " I'm sorry, my stop arrived. I'm getting down"

She looked at him with dismay, not saying anything.

They didn't have time to talk. He slowly removed her hands and took his bag.

"I guess that's it!" He said and started to get up.

She touched his cheek and gave a peck on his lips. "Bye"

He looked at her. "B...ye".

They smiled.

The bus stopped and he got up.

LOVE................

© 2019 Vin

My Review

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Featured Review

Digvijay Singh

I see how people can not like very much the ending of this short story. But that's what makes it all different and beautiful. This story gives a feeling that it's not necessary to haste for love. Sometimes letting go is important. This is beautiful. Thanks for sharing Vin

Posted 5 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

5 Years Ago

Yeah and this is how real life stories are, beautiful than made up one's.
Only thing is that .. read more

Reviews

JayG

Well, you did ask…

From start to finish this is 100% telling. A narrator, whose voice can’t be heard, and whose performance can’t be viewed, is talking ABOUT a series of events that happened at an unknown time in the past. But that’s a chronicle of events—the detailed history of a fictional character. As a reader, do you want to know what happened, or be made to feel as if you’re living those events as they happen?

To please a given reader they must have context for your words as-they-read. You know the story, and the setting, so you always have context. But the reader? Look at the sequence of presentation in this piece as a reader who knows only what the words seem to mean, not what you intended:

• "Excuse Me, I booked Seat No 1."

This could be taking place at a theater, on a plane, a bus, a sporting event, or any of a million things. The one speaking could be adult or child, male or female, or even a robot. And of course there is not the slightest trace of emotion in the words a reader “hears.” So to a reader there are words, yes, but they lack context to make them meaningful as they are read.

• The girl looked at him.

The girl? She doesn’t rate a name? So we now have two characters we know nothing about, other than that the one doing the looking is young enough to be called “a girl.” So since she’s neither woman nor young woman, she’s under fifteen? Forget what you intend, that’s what you just told the reader.

But which of the two people is our protagonist? We should have one, and it appears that neither of them are that person. But one of them should be. Stories are not about what happens, they’re about the protagonist and how that character reacts to the situation.

• 'Oh, he looks good. One with a bright face,may be in mid 20's- I don't mind
giving the window seat away.'

This may make sense to you, but to a reader who still has no idea of where we are, what’s going on, or who we are? If we don’t know her, and what made her react, saying “he looks good,” could refer to the way she thinks his blood will taste when she cooks him. Without context your reader will NOT take the words as you intend, because they can’t know your intent.

And…if someone tells you that you’re in their seat, and that they have the ticket for it, are you “giving the seat away?” Or are you moving out of THEIR seat? But that aside, this isn’t a thought. As presented, she speaks this aloud. Thoughts are presented in italics, if primary, or as prose if reported/summarized.

• She moved and let him in. So she was in the middle of the 3 seater.

The three seater? Only you know this is a bus. So to the reader, this is meaningless.

• The bus was crowded. Initially he was not sure about going in a 3 seater.

Now, two paragraphs after we needed it, we finally learn that we’re on a bus. And as stated, this is a “three seater” bus. Not what you intended to say/mean, but it is what you said. We’re in an unknown place, in an unknown country, in an unknown century, going somewhere unknown for unknown reasons, with people we know nothing about.

Bottom line, and I don’t mean to be cruel, is that this is not a story. It’s a transcription of you talking to the reader about a series of events you visualize happening. Your intent is good, but you’re using none of the techniques of writing fiction.

Writing fiction is a profession, and like any other, the necessary skills are learned in addition to the general skills our schooldays give us. While such things as spelling, grammar, punctuation, and the like do match up with what we were taught, the approach, the techniques, and the methodology of presentation are nothing like that we were trained in with those endless reports and essays we wrote as part of our schooling.

In school you learned the writing skills employers require. Writing fiction for publication is not at all like that. And an attempt to use the skills you were given for fiction yields a result that reads like a report. Trying to use the storytelling skills we call into play when someone says, “So, how was your weekend.” Can’t work because verbal storytelling is a performance art, and the page reproduces neither sound nor vision.

In short, to write fiction you need the skills that the working fiction writer uses. No way around that.

And after the work you’ve put into your stories I know that this is awful news, but it is a situation you share with pretty much all hopeful writers, because we make the assumption that we learned to write, and that writing-is-writing, and those skills can be used for all writing applications.

The solution? Add some of the tricks of the profession to your tool kit, and take advantage of them to give your words wings. Instead of talking TO the reader, and telling them what happened, make them care about the characters as if they were that character, and living that life in real-time.

I’m recommending one of two books these days:

The most gentle of the two is Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict.

A more complete book is James Scott Bell's, Elements of Fiction Writing.

Either are well worth the cost of purchase.

Posted 5 Years Ago

Well, you did ask…

From start to finish this is 100% telling. A narrator, whose voice can’t be heard, and whose performance can’t be viewed, is talking ABOUT a series of events that happened at an unknown time in the past. But that’s a chronicle of events—the detailed history of a fictional character. As a reader, do you want to know what happened, or be made to feel as if you’re living those events as they happen?

To please a given reader they must have context for your words as-they-read. You know the story, and the setting, so you always have context. But the reader? Look at the sequence of presentation in this piece as a reader who knows only what the words seem to mean, not what you intended:

• "Excuse Me, I booked Seat No 1."

This could be taking place at a theater, on a plane, a bus, a sporting event, or any of a million things. The one speaking could be adult or child, male or female, or even a robot. And of course there is not the slightest trace of emotion in the words a reader “hears.” So to a reader there are words, yes, but they lack context to make them meaningful as they are read.

• The girl looked at him.

The girl? She doesn’t rate a name? So we now have two characters we know nothing about, other than that the one doing the looking is young enough to be called “a girl.” So since she’s neither woman nor young woman, she’s under fifteen? Forget what you intend, that’s what you just told the reader.

But which of the two people is our protagonist? We should have one, and it appears that neither of them are that person. But one of them should be. Stories are not about what happens, they’re about the protagonist and how that character reacts to the situation.

• 'Oh, he looks good. One with a bright face,may be in mid 20's- I don't mind 
giving the window seat away.'

This may make sense to you, but to a reader who still has no idea of where we are, what’s going on, or who we are? If we don’t know her, and what made her react, saying “he looks good,” could refer to the way she thinks his blood will taste when she cooks him. Without context your reader will NOT take the words as you intend, because they can’t know your intent.

And…if someone tells you that you’re in their seat, and that they have the ticket for it, are you “giving the seat away?” Or are you moving out of THEIR seat? But that aside, this isn’t a thought. As presented, she speaks this aloud. Thoughts are presented in italics, if primary, or as prose if reported/summarized.

• She moved and let him in. So she was in the middle of the 3 seater.

The three seater? Only you know this is a bus. So to the reader, this is meaningless.

• The bus was crowded. Initially he was not sure about going in a 3 seater.

Now, two paragraphs after we needed it, we finally learn that we’re on a bus. And as stated, this is a “three seater” bus. Not what you intended to say/mean, but it is what you said. We’re in an unknown place, in an unknown country, in an unknown century, going somewhere unknown for unknown reasons, with people we know nothing about.

Bottom line, and I don’t mean to be cruel, is that this is not a story. It’s a transcription of you talking to the reader about a series of events you visualize happening. Your intent is good, but you’re using none of the techniques of writing fiction.

Writing fiction is a profession, and like any other, the necessary skills are learned in addition to the general skills our schooldays give us. While such things as spelling, grammar, punctuation, and the like do match up with what we were taught, the approach, the techniques, and the methodology of presentation are nothing like that we were trained in with those endless reports and essays we wrote as part of our schooling.

In school you learned the writing skills employers require. Writing fiction for publication is not at all like that. And an attempt to use the skills you were given for fiction yields a result that reads like a report. Trying to use the storytelling skills we call into play when someone says, “So, how was your weekend.” Can’t work because verbal storytelling is a performance art, and the page reproduces neither sound nor vision.

In short, to write fiction you need the skills that the working fiction writer uses. No way around that.

And after the work you’ve put into your stories I know that this is awful news, but it is a situation you share with pretty much all hopeful writers, because we make the assumption that we learned to write, and that writing-is-writing, and those skills can be used for all writing applications.

The solution? Add some of the tricks of the profession to your tool kit, and take advantage of them to give your words wings. Instead of talking TO the reader, and telling them what happened, make them care about the characters as if they were that character, and living that life in real-time.

I’m recommending one of two books these days:

The most gentle of the two is Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict.

A more complete book is James Scott Bell's, Elements of Fiction Writing.

Either are well worth the cost of purchase.

Rating /100

Digvijay Singh

Posted 5 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

5 Years Ago

Yeah and this is how real life stories are, beautiful than made up one's.
Only thing is that .. read more

Wild Rose

An enthralling story
What a sad ending > I wonder if they ever took the same bus again - did they ever meet up - did thet=y become good friends

Or just ships passing on their journeys