Beautiful Words From An Inebriated Crook

You're soft

and moving

You're on fire--

live from the stage,

closer, so the sun

may open your throat

allow me to see inside.

 

 

Let me breathe (why?) so I can cringe

(what for?) to feel sheltered by her device (yeah?)

and that her music may spare me

another day, another bowl to circle (oh)

 

 

Don't leave, don't leave

bury my lung

closer, so the sun

won't scorch her insides

 

 

Can you let me speak? (what would you say?)

violence wasn't a voice

(isn't it?) no, it's a bone stuck in the cog (yeah?)

she'll abandon her post, closer, let's hope she doesn't burn,

and notice my weak stares...

 

You're sweet

but I can't prove

how you move me...

still live from the stage.

You're a haven--

my savior

but don't fly too near,

lest my lung singe

I can still peer inside.

 

 

I might push her (yeah?) over the edge

what do you think? (sounds neat)

Are you impressed, even if we weren't so blessed? (what for?)

I thought you would be--

don't ask me for a piece of God, I'll take you there. (where else?) 

 

come here, stay here

bury my lung

closer, so the sun

won't scorch her insides

you know how it feels

live from the stage; you might trip up

closer, too close

so the sun--

may bury my lung,

closer, now I can peek inside

just me, not the sun.

Reviews

[G.A. Collins]

This is incredibly cryptic, and enticingly beautiful. The intimacy of your wording is impeccable, and I especially liked your style, using brackets to segment the dialogue, and bring the words from the page (or should I say, screen) and into a realistic voiced piece. It's a gem of poetry, this.

[S C]

Lovely as always old Friend.

[MsJewel]

This is my first introduction to your poetry. Your use of metaphors is amazing and quite creative. There is beauty to your words and yet a slight sense of darkness which I find fascinating. I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

:) Julie

[Vile]

Thank you for the lovely review, Im glad you enjoyed it and want to continue reading my work. :) I have work in a little bit otherwise Id do a review for you as well right ow, though be assured, I will return.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

this is stunning.. and, again, as I said before, it lends itself pretty naturally to being lyrics. i love your unique use of metaphors.. it always excites me when I find a writer who can see a thing from a view i hadn't thought of before - and get it so RIGHT. I love how the narrator moves from inner voice to outside voice and back again.. fluidly. there's something captivating about your use of sun and heat from the inside out and back again.. it's a compelling piece..

[Ally Monique]

This was an interesting read! I agree with G.A Collins, I really like the dialogue and unique structure you used in this poem, it gives it an entirely different voice.
Thanks for sharing!

[SquinklaPsyOps]

I really like the flow you created with this piece, it falls into a very nice rhythm.

With the right timing and pronunciation you might be able to hypnotize your audience.

[Savannah Hudgens]

This was enigmatic. Well written. I call these poems nonsense poems since they come and go as they please, beating with no rhyme but pulsing so clear. It reminds me somewhat of Lana Del Rey/Muse, just the way it takes control of the situation.

V.

[M. Davis]

Bold words, I can tell your muse must be strong and fleeting. Those are usually the best types. Your work is amazing.

[LaVonneTheLovely]

Beautiful words indeed! I'd love to know the story/inspiration behind this one, actually. Stanzas 5 and 6 are very much my favorite. Feel free to read request me anytime (and unlike you, I don't read them all :) )

[Vile]

Beautiful words yourself. :D Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it. Ill b honest, I dont always read them either lol :P. Ill send you in a message what I wrote it about.

[LaVonneTheLovely]

Great! and haha. YOUR PROFILE LIES!

Interesting words, Josh, from this Inebriated Crook... as you discribe his thoughts, or maybe think like he does... you've put a great unique style of yours into it, and beyond that, I think with a very good message. I found the word choices powerful, in visualization, "may burry my lung" and the repeating factor of this whole piece, did ponder me, if you'd probably was the "smoke" of a cigarette, entering into somebody, (but that's my weird mind) I've once written about something like that... so it popped up into my mind. I think overall very well done. Tipical a Josh voice, through it, wich I like.

- Elisa

[Mizo4]

What I really liked was the descrition but also how the dialoug- like oh yeah etc made it feel conversational and this gave it a strong sense of originality