"The Battle"

An epic fight you want to read about.

 After a sweaty night  full of idiotic, coffee hungry vampires, my friend from work invited me over to have a drink. Becky is originally from Northern California, but she has previously lived in France for a period of two years, after which she decided to escape the country realizing it was  full of frog-eating culture snobs, which included her ex-boyfriend. It was our first time meeting up outside of Starbucks, and my first time getting intoxicated with a co-worker. I stopped sipping my "Vitamin C explosion" after half a glass of Absolut Tangerine Vodka deluted with Fanta. I was aware of the fact that this Vodka wasn't close to the rubbing-alcohol stuff I've tasted before, so it didn't take much time or alcohol for a tingling buzz to kick in. Becky showed me a few of her recordings in which her voice sounded as if Norah Jones and Nina Simone had a child.  After a couple of hours, we split our ways and  I  headed home. On the way, I listened to Bob Dylan's "Blonde on Blonde", thinking of him being bastardized in the movie"I'm not There."What a shame, I would've sued the director. Once I arrived to my apartment, I felt sleepless, so hot shower was the obvious solution to the problem. While drying myself off, I noticed an auburn-colored peanut climbing the bathroom wall. I walked closer to  not only realize that it wasn't a peanut, or an almond, or any member of the nut family, but a filthy, orange cockroach with crispy wings flaring up and down in the air. I took a tissue in hope of capturing the monster and giving him a quick painless death. After moving in closer  I only made things worse. Now he relocated himself by running a marathon through the cracks of the  washroom door into my bedroom. I was frantic and on the verge of waking my Mother. Mr. Orange got under my vintage hat boxes, underneath my messy black futon. I had a strategy consisting of three simple steps : Surround. Catch. Murder.  After  chasing a bug barefoot at 2 a.m. growling,  manically stomping I finally won the battle. The city rat was going back to where he belongs, down the toilet and back into sweet old  sewer.

Reviews

[mrowepat]

Way to go!!!! Though I enjoy your more serious work, you sure have a knack for the light-hearted comedy of everyday trials and tribulations the plague us all. I really enjoyed this. Thanks Vik!!! Nina Simone kicks a*s!!!

[Conner G]

That was pretty funny. I can totally see you doing that around your room. My only problem is....what did that roach ever do to you? You know when the earth lies in radio-active ruins that they will be our only friends, them and the twinkies.