Numbness - Death

Ocean was serenest

My heart was disrest

I was down and hurt

No sign of relief to get

I wrote your name on my hand

I tried to rub it hard

It was curved with razor sharped weapon

Nothing to do as it was wide and open

I tried to kiss it hard

It left just infliction and scars

I peeled my skin, which fled was pure blood

Infliction was more eyes were numb

I drainpipe my nerve

It was tardily blood bode

It was demise to happen

I’m losing my hope often

It was lost

It was cast

Mind was lugged

Thus I was dead

Sounded so loud

I went profound

Ledge was shallow

I went deep inside and hollow

I was no more

I was nowhere

Reviews

[Astro]

I could sense the darkness in your lines but too many adjectives and adverbs improperly spelled or used took away from the flow and body. This was a hard one for me to get into because of it. A few examples:
"My mind was lugged"
"Ocean was serenest"
"I drainpipe my nerve"
"It was tardily blood bode"
Keep working on grammar.

[Vikrantsingh]

:P
Thanks Astro :) will learn bit and pieces... will make sure next no extra use of adjectives and adverbs ;)

Thanks again :)
Singh :)

[Sarmelendez]

I could see the darkness in the writing and it was good I am impressed just make sure to use less adjectives.. other than that i really enjoyed the writing

[Vikrantsingh]

Yes i will work on adjectives :) thanks Sarah :)

[SyberRose]

A dark one this time...but everyone has a dark side...Nicely penned Singh:)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks Rose :)
Dark side must me reveled and handle nicely or else it kills you :)
Good Day :)
Singh :)

[prashant harsh]

good job :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks mate :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Very passionate poem. Great job Singh

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks Ricochet :)

[Frieda P]

Oooh different one from you, so edgy and chilling this read...not your usual but I enjoyed your dark side immensely Singh...

I think you meant 'I was nowhere' for that last line...

[Vikrantsingh]

Nice catch ;) will edit thanks Frieda :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Done :)

[Sami Khalil]

Dark but nice...I enjoyed the read ...Well done mate...:)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks Sami :)
As always ;)
^ - ^

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...☺

[Vikrantsingh]

Lol how did you got that smile :P

[Sami Khalil]

Secret of the trade ...LOL

[Vikrantsingh]

Lmao :P

[Sami Khalil]

:p