Missing Night's

Missing you sweets :*

I'm dreaming looking up at the sky

It’s so high I felt dark n' cry

You might deeply miss me
like I miss myself intensely

 

Very oft I amuse

I see your snap n' defuse

Your eyes are so bright

Like this alone, stupid night.

 

Let me make you feel what? 

I feel inside me but what?

I felt was by pillow

It went way slow.

 

Then I check up at clock

It was all misty and lock

I turned my face down

And went back onto my dream.

Author's Note

Just wrote it..check and pass your review :)

Reviews

[Sugar Plum ♥]

lovely love piece... :) I like the rhymes, you try to be prefect in them! The feeling is of intense loneliness, usually in night, as all thoughts concentrate inside your mind. Sounds like song of absence, it`s hard to miss your beloved, but remember as you said:
You might deeply miss me
like I miss myself intensely

-nour-
June-013

[Vikrantsingh]

Hehehehe thanks Sugar :) Much appreciated ;)

Singh :)

[Dhaye]

Hey, Singh. This is sweet and cute.

*You might miss me
Like I miss me.---- Perhaps you want to say "You might miss me, like I miss you"

"And went back to in my dream."---"And went back INTO my dream."

I think those are really what you want to say and you only have typo.

Thanks for sharing this. :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much for such a constructive and proper review.

I will say, I did those "Like I miss me.---- Perhaps you want to say "You might miss me, like I miss you" Mistake purposely. Its difficult to explain one how much deeply you miss him/her. but no one can explain his/her love to other partner.
So i expressed it under those terms : You might miss me - She might/or not miss me
Like I miss me - but I'm missing myself because of you :)

2nd correction was good i made those changes.

Thanks Dhaye,

Loved you explanation/improvement pointers which I take positively always.

Keep checking it closely ;)

Cheers!
Vikrantsingh Parmar.

[Dhaye]

Nice version. It seems you're having fun with this stuff. The font style and color are now different from the previous one.

Testing your own creativity? Lol. That's nice. Keep it up. :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks Dhaye for your help as always :)

[Dhaye]

You're welcome. :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Awww :)

[Baby Ricochet]

I agree with Kimmer. The Meter is off but that's not such a bad thing. It depends on what you were aiming for. When I first started posting I didn't know what meter was.
I'm sure there's lots of folks on this site who think I still don't know what meter is.

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks Ricochet I will try and learn more about meter ;)
Cheers :)
Singh

[KAOlmsted]

Some of the wording was a bit off to my ear, but the sentiment was not lost in the translation. Very nice, Singh ;-)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks kimmer :)
Cheers :)
Singh

[KAOlmsted]

Always my pleasure.

[Vikrantsingh]

:)

[smilempsn]

I dunnoo what to say.. that was so sweetly written :)
Hope today you wont miss her.. because you are with her ^-^
hmm changed bit of things.... Hope they are for Good..!!

well last para
'Then I check up at clock
It was all misty and lock
I turned my face down
And went back to in my dream.'

should go like...
'Then I check up my clock
It was all misty and lock
I turned my face down
And went back in my dream.'

I mean .. I think that ways :P :)

I loved the first pic.. ^-^

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much sweets :)

[smilempsn]

:P :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Hehehehehehe :3

[smilempsn]

waise I liked the earlier Font.. this font just confuses some letters :)
But its again may be just me... who is having this difficulty ..

[Vikrantsingh]

I don;t have those earlier font... at work i had 2010 Microsoft Office. At home i have 2007 :P old one doesn't have better font :D
Let me upgrade my Microsoft version 2010.. I might preferably hack 2010 :D

[smilempsn]

:) no hacking..!! :P

[Vikrantsingh]

lol :D

[Frieda P]

Needs some editing but it put a smile on my face, love the feeling and 'shap n' defuse'! She sounds like a bit of a crazy one. ;-)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much Frieda :)
If you think you could make some changes or some points I need to work on do
Share your review I will take them positively :)

Cheers :)
Singh :)

[Sarmelendez]

I'm dreaming looking up at the sky
It’s so high I felt dark n' cry
You might miss me
Like I miss me.

This caught my eye and i love the change in it

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks Sarah :)
I really love to see you review :D

-Cheers :)

[Sami Khalil]

I like the poem and the change of color then the pic was great...:)

[Vikrantsingh]

Yes they went with my mood... ;) nice observation mate ;) thanks you loved it... :D

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[Vikrantsingh]

:D

[Sami Khalil]

^^~^^ :)