Closeness

You've been my love,

You've been my life,

We stay together forever,

I call you my wife,

 

It has been open,

I kept it closed and intact,

You pushed it firm and ripped it back,

I felt the pain of my heart going apart.

 

It was then,

It is now,

I looked up and smiled,

You kissed me hard.

 

I'm glad, I'm with you.

You completed me,

You made me,

It’s now and forever. 

Reviews

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

*"You been my love,
You been my life,"----

"You've been (You have been) my love,
You've been my life"


*You push it firm and ripped it back,---You pushed...
*I look up and smiled--- I looked up and smiled
*You complete me,
You made me--- You completed me...

Singh, those are only minor slips in verb tense. Just make the tenses consistent (into past tense) or parallel. I hope those could help.

In general, I like this piece. Only few men like you honor and love their wives like what you did. I admire you for that. You're wife must be proud of you.

Nice flow, nice concept. I love how the emotion was reflected in each line. Keep it up. :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much dear :)
I'm poor with past tense working on it ;)
Will make those changes sweet review loved it

Thanks Dhaye :)
- Singh :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

You're welcome, Singh. :)

[Vikrantsingh]

٩(´0ˆ)۶ GN ٩(´0ˆ)۶ Dear :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Made changing :) thanks dear :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Okay, you're welcome.

[Vikrantsingh]

:) thanks again :D

[¿]

I just love rhyming!!
Poems mixed with emotions and rhyming are my fave and best!!
This one is really a tribute to closeness (I find as)
Liked it so much😊

[Cybertooth]

Smooth and feeling were simply greatly expressed

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much for reviewing and visiting my page :)
- Singh :)

[Supercop]

Not bad but really nice try
1st poem still you improved far better

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much for reviewing and visiting my page :)
- Singh :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

Such an endearing love poem to your wife. She must be so proud to have you as her husband. Well penned.

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much Lori :)
Much appreciated :)
Sorry for late reply :(

Singh :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

No worries, Singh.. better late than never at all =)

[Vikrantsingh]

;)
Thanks Lori :)

[Frieda P]

It doesn't get much better than this, said so simply with so much passion and conviction, lucky woman! Muchly enjoyed this one Singh.

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much Frieda :)
Loved your review :)

Singh :)

P.S: Sorry for late reply :/

[Baby Ricochet]

Nice rhymes. A lovely dedication to the MRS. Great job.

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much Ricochet :)

- Cheers :)

[Pallavi Chaturvedi]

A perfect combination of good rhymes and awesome feeling. I just like it :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks Pallavi :)
Loved your review :)
-Singh :)

[Pallavi Chaturvedi]

You are most welcome :)

[Vikrantsingh]

:D

[smilempsn]

..wOOw... Reading this... and I know, 'she is toooooooooo lucky' to have you... And vice-a-versa :)

Such a soft and sensible piece Singh :)
I loved it......
^-^ :) :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thank you so much dear. Means a lot to me :)
Have to make some changes like Dhaye told ;)
read moreThank you so much dear. Means a lot to me :)
Have to make some changes like Dhaye told ;)

- Singh :)

[smilempsn]

hmm haan read her review :)
many constructive reviews come up to you :)

[Vikrantsingh]

Okay... Thanks dear :)

[Sami Khalil]

A great write...:)

[Vikrantsingh]

Thanks mate loved your review :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...Any time...:)

[Vikrantsingh]

:D

[Sami Khalil]

^^~^^ :)