Chapter 5

Chapter 5

            I love school. Everyone tells me I am so smart. But not the way they tell the other kids. There not smiling and patting me on the shoulder. They look at me like they found there lost keys. Such relief and appreciation. As if they didn’t know what they had till it was gone and came back. I can live without this part. I like recess. “Here read this.” This is easy. What’s the big deal? What’s college level? Isn’t that where smart rich kids go too? I’m not smart. And I’m not rich. My brother is really smart. He knows everything.

            My day isn’t over when that last bell rings. I know it. It’s just the start of the rest of the day. The day before was horrible. I can still feel it when I sit down. A teacher saw us standing by the gate an hour after school was over. My dad says they could have called my mom and told her. He has things to do too you know. I mean I don’t know actually but I don’t really care either. We’re not in much of a rush to get back anyway. At least I’m not. “Look now were going to stand in the corner until he comes. That way if he’s early we see him. If he’s late they won’t see us.” Told you my brother knows everything.

            The sun starts to set and that’s usually the time he arrives. All our homework is done. And I brought a lunch bag this time to put my lunch in. my lunch bag leaves school with food instead of without. I guess I’m pretty smart after all. I wonder what’s going to be on……oh no. He’s mad. I can tell it. “Hello! Ya I got the kids. No I had them the whole time I left them with my mom. Ya hold on.” The phones pressed to his chest. “You were at grandmas you hear me?” duh. Of course we were! Don’t mess this up man. I really want to see what’s on tv tonight. “Uhh hello…..ya…..ya…..we ate already. Ok. Bye” good job man. I bet you Survivor is on tonight. We always watch that show together.

            I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe! No seriously this time I can’t. “You f*****g piece of s**t leave me alone!” my sisters crying next to, not silent this time. “Stop mom. STOP!” you know me and my mom have the same set of teeth? They cross in the front. The way she’s clenching her lips open lets me see that perfectly now. This whole time I can’t help but wonder…..how is she strong enough to pick me up by my neck for this long? “Come to the room hurry, hurry!” thanks sis. You saved me. “I think she’s demon possessed or something” she’s not looking at me. Just at the door. Waiting to see if it opens. Demon possessed? Oh, that makes sense now. That’s how she’s that strong. It’s dark out now. Enough time has passed. You can feel the calmness in the house. I think we’ve been here long enough. Time to go out. She’s gone. Hey my brothers playing that game. “Hey…you want to play?”

            I never thought that things couldn’t get worse. Trust me things always got worse. You see my mom lashing out on me wasn’t anything new. But the fear that she would do something to top her last move scared me to death. The only way to stop that was to pray he stayed away. Practically beg God. He’s busy most the time though. With rich smart kids I suppose. “Look I’m sorry. We all just need to be a family right now. We don’t need him anyway. We can do this. This is the last time I promise!” yes! The last time. Wait does that mean……”Mom…..who’s taking our car?” He never really planned on staying away forever. He was always one step ahead of the game. Keep my mom down so she didn’t have the ability to run away. That spare key he made though. Now that’s some planning. I sometimes wonder what her last straw would be. I’d always hope this was it. This was the final thing. My mother looked so out of place on that bus. Groceries at her feet. Her face so pretty. A demeanor that shot out her intelligence but in a modest way. One thing is for sure. She had every trait she needed to not be here. All she was missing was the ability to see us the same way she seen him.

            Back and forth. Back and forth. I may not know exactly when he would come and go but at least I knew what to expect when it happened. Mostly. But this Is my Birthday! And my mom gave him a whole 100 dollars to take me out! And guess what? None of brothers or sisters get to come with us. He said it was going to be just me and him. The car ride was fun. We talked about the go karts we were going to ride. I don’t think I ever felt so happy. At least not at this point in my life. I’m nervous to drive. But he’s showing me how to with the car. Plus he says it’s much easier. “Look were going to have a lot of fun. I just need to handle something real quick then we’ll go.” Fine by me. Plus I get to see my Grandma on my birthday. Mom doesn’t like going here much. Actually at all. “Happy birthday Mijo!” this is my favorite part. She gives everyone the same gift. No matter what holiday. She always makes me laugh when she says “Here, just a little card. There’s hamburger money inside.” I just liked the card. What was I going to do with 20 dollars?

            “Ok so it’s time to go now?” please say yes. “Ya right after I’m done. Hey let me see that 20 we need it for more go kart rides when we get there. Look your going to wait at your great Grandmas house until I get back ok?” o man I really don’t want too. My great Grandma was a very elderly lady. She spoke no English but I could feel she loved us. Her bloodline. But still I was a kid. this is no place I wanted to be on my birthday. “Why can’t I wait at Grandma’s house?” why am I even asking. This entitlement feeling I have today. I think it’s going to get me in trouble. “Just wait here I’ll be back in 10 minutes.” When that door shut I knew I wasn’t going to see him for a while. I really wish I had a candle to blow out right now.

            “It’s already night time! Does it look like the go kart place is going to be open still? I’ll take you tomorrow but you better not tell mom.” I have no more words. Whatever. This isn’t the end of this though. My rage is feeling up inside. This was my birthday! This wouldn’t happen to anyone else. Why couldn’t she take me? She knows how he is! “Did you guys have fun?” deep breath….”Dad left me at Grandma’s house all day and he said he was going to come back but he didn’t!” exhale. I couldn’t look at his face. I knew he was infuriated. What caught my attention was my mother’s. A look that could go through you. “What the hell? Where were you? Did you go with another woman!” wait you’re supposed to be mad because it’s my birthday. He didn’t take me to ride the go karts for my birthday! Wait where’s my cake? I’m really not going to get to wish for anything today.