Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

            O’ the great naïve of a child. Even as I look back now I envy my childhood. Not because it was the absolute greatest, but because it was all I knew. I had no life experiences yet. No reason to not think this was what life was about. This though is not important. The important part is when I woke up, when I realized my small mobile home In Carson,Ca was just a spec in the great big universe.

The room is dark. My brother’s feet next to my face. This bed, though only a twin, was big enough for the both of us. We don’t speak at first but we both know each other is awake. “What do you think it is this time?” such a curious question for a 7 year old me. “Don’t worry about it, he will be gone soon enough.” I don’t remember being scared with the yells and dishes crashing on the floor. It was simply my life. I could only look forward to the cartoons we were going to watch in the morning. What else was there to look forward to? I can only try and get passed the morning ritual of scraping together what was in the cupboards. Tip toeing around the aftermath of last night’s scuffle. School bells to rush to class were not in my life at this point. Mom had to work. And there really wasn’t many people to lend a hand. Our house was our domain. A small world we learned to survive in. The furniture didn’t match. Our house was half built and half destroyed. My fathers’ crazy antics. Projects he never finished when he actually was around. Things in places they shouldn’t be. Home.

            At this point I am the soon to be middle child. My mother pregnant with my youngest sister. Not exactly the joyful atmosphere one could hope for though. If everything in life was great prior to this, I wouldn’t remember. My mother was said to be smart, daring, courageous and a good socialist. I must have caught the decline of this. If I could sum up the version of my mom I tend to imagine along with her it is when I walked into the kitchen and seen a 6 month pregnant, 95 pound lady in overalls with her hair standing straight up. O that blank look. Not even acknowledging my presence. I just wanted something to drink though. I needed to get back to my show.

            What could have done this to someone as beautiful as my mother? That what is Love. The most despicable of feelings! Oh how I have grown to hate you. Back to subject. I cannot say much about my Mom in her younger days, only what I was told. See my mom has always had this gleam of pain and exhaustion in her eyes. This is from her child hood. The drunken gambling father. Who beat them, yelled, pointed a loaded gun in her mother’s face and in the end gambled away everything they had. This has an effect on a person. One, that though people say on t.v you can overcome, never quite leaves. How can you even say that? You cannot erase it from your mind. We all believe whatever lies we must tell ourselves to just keep going. My mom kept going, with her ever-lasting search for a home. A loving home.

            When she met my father she had already birthed my oldest sister, whos father was a violent man. Your everyday scum. My mom seen that and parted ways with him. For something better. But wolves tend to wear sheep’s clothing. My father was charming, a bit older and familiar. A best friend to her brothers. Not to mention he was the g*+-uy every girl wanted and the person every guy wanted to be.  All it took was for him to finally see her as a woman and no longer his friends little sister. I imagine the beginning years to be nothing less than magical. He had ambition, dreams. And she offered support and the smarts. She was going to get out of this town! She was going to have a home. Now all homes are not perfect. My father’s dreams fell short. He was not as consistent with anything as one would hope. But she stayed. Why? I assume because of love. Love can cradle hope. Hope that with love things will work out for the best.

            I was the 4 child to my mother. At this point I assume those days of magic have been long gone. She was now the bread winner. My father’s dreams were now mere memories. And every wolf must take off their disguise at some point. If only he didn’t eat everyone around him. There was lies, cheating, stealing and drugs. I guess if we are talking wolves. He is the Alpha. With all this the cheating is what got to her the most. How could he do this to her? She gave him everything. “He is just confused. He loves me. There is no way he could not. I am loveable.” Most would hesitate from accepting a man back like this. Not her. I guess she perceived herself as being strong because of it. Hiding behind religion to justify her actions. Confusing providing a home for her kids for loving them. We were isolated to an extent. Everyone seen how naive she was. She wasn’t going to hear it. Her door was open to him when he felt like stepping in and most importantly her emotions.

            I no longer question her mental and emotional stability. She was broken. He had the missing pieces and only he could determine when he was willing to give them to her. So now here we are. At the table. In overalls. Barley alive and pregnant. That child is somehow miraculously born healthy. But the pain has seeped so deep that she is only a reminder of what has come to be. So now without a batting of an eye or a chance to see her blossom from the cracks. She is wrapped up, hugged and handed to the only woman she knows to be strong. Her mother.

Reviews

[CRBain]

This feels less like a story and more like a memoir. If this is supposed to be based on your or someone you knows life, i suppose it works though it reads a bit dry. If its a fictional story then its VERY dry and needs a lot of editing down.

[EJ Coleman]

The backstory is interesting and compelling, but there's too much of it at the same time, try to divide it up and reveal a bit a time as the story progresses. And again, there are no actual scenes, only small fractions that do add up, but doesn't get you into the story just yet. You're not given anything about the narrator either, you have no idea who it is, and though they seem to be the main character, the way the chapter ends makes it seem like this child is supposed to be that. It's also way too short, you could definitely put several of your chapters together.

[GhostWriter]

thank you for taking the time to read. Yes, I had felt this when putting myself in the readers shoes. However, im not sure if I make it clear anywhere here but this is actually just a story of my real life. the first two chapters are supposed to make the reader understand my mother and father completely from what I know now. as the book progresses you see me as a child and at the time I knew none of this. I feel like it somewhat brings the reader to feel like they understand what I was going through before I even realize it. I do tink this writing style isn't exactly what everyobe is used too, but I hope I can learn how to create something that grabs the attention of everyone. Thank you again! Hope you will read more.