lost

she looked in the mirror

didnt like what she saw

eyes rubbed raw

disqusting

repulsing

sickening

she didnt like what

she saw with her eyes

looked carefully and found

too much of her to be there

she found a way to hide

turned out the lights and downed a contanier of liqour

closed her eyes so she wouldnt

see the world, as shes leaving it behind

didnt think to try and find help

for her problems

i'm sure she could have ended up fine

I didnt think she would have to die.

Reviews

[Mason Vail]

The hopeless despair comes through clearly and the flow is good for the most part. I stumbled, though, over the phrase "downed a contanier of liqour." If you can find a shorter alternate wording, it might keep up the momentum through the middle.

A couple proof-reading nits: (I'm a nit-picker, can you tell?) there's an apostrophe missing from "wouldn't" and the "I" in "I'm" in the next to last line needs capitalization for consistency with the "I" in the last line.

[Dillon Cotter]

i get the feeling and emotion right away. clear but dark picture. overall great job!
-Will

[R.D.Scott]

I love this for its darkness, very moving and so much feeling in it. Its not what I normally enjoy but this is very well written. It flows very smoothly. well done.