3. July 19-25, 2015

This was a horrible week

July 19, 2015

Sunday

Dear Diary

Since I became a teenager things have all gone wrong when I went to the choir. Today was the same. We had the same problem as always and we could not use the bathroom because Billy was locked in it. This was not a bad thing. When mom was brushing my hair, she put it in a ponytail. She used one of Sarah's elastics. I protested as high as I can, but mom said that my hair was getting too long and I looked like a hound dog. Of course, it was long! I have not had a haircut for ages.

On the way to church, Sarah whispered and asked me if I wet the bed. I think I stopped breathing for a few minutes. Then I poked her as hard as I could and told her to shut up as our parents may hear her. Sarah was mad that I did not confide in her and told me everyone will think I was a girl because of the ponytail. I poked her harder.

Sarah was right, everyone did notice the ponytail and giggled when they saw it and asked me if I was now a sissy. Noah told them that I was just a small child, and confused if I was a girl or not. Noah was this cool boy in my class, and I decided he was my life long enemy!

It didn't help that after mass, I saw Noah speaking with Annie. As I walked out of the Church Annie told me that she loved my hair. She smiled and said that I could help her do her hair someday. Noah laughed and said I could borrow one of her dresses.

On the way home, Dad reminded us about the nudist camp. We reminded him that we would not go. So we started a family fight in the car. The fight was very bad, no one spoke with each other all day.

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July 20, 2015

Monday

Dear Diary

Today was a strange day. Everyone was not talking with dad. We told him there was no way we would go anywhere where the whole world could see us naked. He only wanted to go because it was free. I knew it would ruin my life and I would end up locked in some mental institution.

Aunty came today and strange enough she wanted to speak with me. She usually wants to speak with Sarah.

Things got weirder. Aunty told me that she was sure that I had some gender identity problems. That was another thing I needed to google! She basically told me that I looked like a girl for a reason. She thought God made a mistake and made me a boy when I should have been a girl. She told me that we could correct that mistake. I wanted to ask her what she meant, but I was so confused.

As aunty left, she gave me a hug and told me not to worry. Adults can be so strange. I did my best to forget what she said. How does God make such mistakes? Why do adults always say the strangest things?

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July 21, 2015

Tuesday

Dear Diary

Today was possibly the worse day of my life!

I wet the bed once again. I no longer tried to think about why I have done this. I just hid the evidence.

I got a postcard from Andrew. He was on holiday in a beach resort in Tunisia. How could life be so unfair? He was at some posh place with plenty of sun and the best swimming pools and everything. I was expected to go to a place that I was not even allowed to take clothes! If this happened, I would die of humiliation. The human body is meant to be covered!

I marched down to Dad. Mom went to the shop because there was no milk for the cornflakes. I decided not to wait until she came back. I told Dad that he can go to this weird beach, but I was staying home. If he did not allow this, I planned to make protest signs and protest in the front garden. I hoped that the TV news would be there and cover my protest. I was a teenager now and I needed to protect my rights. Otherwise Amnesty International would have me on one of their postcards.

Dad did not even respond.

Mom did not come back with the milk, so Sarah had this crazy idea. We could try orange juice with the cornflakes. We will not try that again!

The police came to our house. At first, I thought they were going to arrest dad for wanting to take us to that beach. It was much worse. He told us that mom was in the hospital because she was in a car crash. Dad rushed to the hospital while aunty took care of us.

The rest of the day was quiet. Aunty was sitting with Sarah that was crying. Billy locked himself in his room. I was just silent. I am sure I was in some sort of shock.

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July 22, 2015

Wednesday

Dear Diary

I wet the bed again. It doesn't shock me anymore. It's just getting hard to hide. Sarah knows about it. She promised she would not tell anyone. However, she has no problem reminding me that she is younger than me and does not wet the bed.

Dad took us to visit mom. She just was in a bed with tubes and machines keeping her alive. She looked like she was asleep. Sarah was crying and Brian asked about how bad it was. I just wanted mom to wake up. I didn't care if she was mad or not. I am also worried about why I have not cried since. I think I really do not believe it. It was like a bad dream or a bad movie.

When we came home, we found Aunty was there. She told us that she is moving in while mom is in the hospital. The doctor said she could wake up at any time or she could be in a coma for years.

So many changes.

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July 23, 2015

Thursday

Dear Diary

This is the first day of Aunty trying to be our mom. She came into my room as I woke up and asked me how long I have been wetting the bed. I told her for a week. She told me that she read some of the books Mom had and she read that boys often wet their beds. It can be because a boy's body was not as perfect as a girl's body. She also explained that some boys did not want to grow up.

I thought this was rubbish. I do not want to be a baby! I am proud that I am a teenager. I just need to grow more and I just need Annie to notice me. I just need to start puberty. Of course, I did not say this to aunty. It was embarrassing enough that she was speaking with me as I was surrounded by wet sheets!

Aunty told me that the book suggested that I used diapers until the bedwetting stops. I started crying and begging her not to do that. I was sure that this was just some virus. Aunty was nice and said she would not force me. She would let me decide. If I needed diapers, I should tell her.

Later Aunty told the whole family that she had an announcement. I hid my head behind pillows as I was sure that she would tell everyone that I wet the bed. She did not tell the others. Aunty said we would not be going on a holiday to the nudist beach. Dad started to protest but Aunty gave him a harsh look. She told him that it was no place for children.

Then Aunty went silent and finally said that she thought that mom would like us to go on a holiday. She was paying that we would go on holiday to Greece. This made me smile.

We are going to Greece! That is good as they have no money. Maybe it's not bad having aunty here.

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July 24, 2015

Friday

Dear Diary

I should be depressed and sad. I still wet the bed. Mom is in a coma. I haven't grown since I became a teenager. However, I am excited. In 8 days, we will be in Greece!

Today I looked at the news again. There was good news. Cuba and the USA started diplomatic relations. They were mad at each other for 54 years. This is a hell of a long time to be mad someone. I looked at Wikipedia to see where Cuba was. Maybe someday I will go there. The pictures show that it looks like they need more money than Greece.

Aunty told me I would be going to see a psychiatrist next week. She did not want to discuss it. I always thought that I would see a psychiatrist when I am grown up. Maybe I need to get a head start and start seeing one now.

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July 25, 2015

Saturday

Dear Diary

I wet the bed again. It's 7 days to Greece.

Dad went to see mom in the hospital. This is very hard for him. He really does love mom!

I played with Sarah and her dolls. I never really done this before but I did not want Sarah to feel sad that we were not allowed to visit mom. I never knew there were so many rules when girls played with dolls. I even had to make sure that the clothes were right when I dressed the dolls. The strange thing is that it was lots of fun and the time when so quick. I promised Sarah that we can play with dolls anytime she wanted to.

Aunty saw us playing with dolls and told me that she is happy I am “setting my feminine side free”. Whatever this means.

Aunty read in a book that she must support my gender identity problems. I do not even know what that means. Why can't aunty explain things so I understand? Thank God we have google.

To be continued