5. Freedom in Rags

Lourdes runs away from home and finds happiness

I was walking along small dirt roads and had no clue where I was going. All I knew was that I was running away from a life that was so stiff and emotionless. I was running away from parents that did not care who I was and wanted to mold me into something I dreaded. I was running away from growing up.

It must have been a foolish idea to run away from home. What would I do? Where would I go? What would I eat? I decided to find out where Emily was staying. I knew that she lived on a farm with her uncle. I figured that this would be the best place to go. She was my secret sister and I knew that she would protect me.

After hours of walking, I finally found the farm. It was now evening and I could hardly walk. I was hungry and exhausted. I collapsed outside the farm. I could not walk another inch and my legs would not support me. What a sight I must have been, I was laying in the mud unable to speak or move.

Emily's uncle found me and carried me to the small farm cottage. They put me in front of the fireplace where I could warm up. Everyone was looking at me until Emily came. She was shocked that it was me. Everyone else was shocked when Emily told them who I was. They were all surprised about why I was there. I was too weak to talk. Emily's uncle said that I was hungry and I need to drink.

When I was feeling better, Emily sat next to me. I told her that I ran away. I explained that the plans mom and dad had for me were making me miserable. I did not want to be a boring socialite and wife, and a mother that will hide her children in a nursery. I had a dream of doing something for the world. I wanted to change the world. I could never do this by going to a finishing school where I would learn how to be a trophy wife.

Emily's aunt heard me explain why I ran away. She spoke to me as if I was the queen and called me a lady. She told me that my story proves that money could not buy happiness. I could stay at their cottage while I got my thoughts together. She did warn me that my parents would be looking for me. She was sure that my parents loved me and would be worried about where I was.

Emily lived with her uncle. He was married and had 7 children. The cottage was small with one room where the parents slept. The children slept where ever there was a place. There were a fireplace and a stove. Besides that, there was a huge table and a storage box. The floor was wooden at least. Despite the cottage being so poor and crowded, it was very clean and tidy. They obviously had pride in their small cottage. It also surprised me that they did not have a maid, so they had to clean the cottage, take care of the children and work on the farm.

The children were dressed in rags. Even the dress that I had on that was now muddy looked better. They were very happy and helped with the chores in the cottage and the farm. I liked that they were given hugs, and their parents listened to them when they spoke. It was very obvious that the children respected their parents and the parents respected their children. This was hard to see with the relationship I had with my parents.

In the beginning, everyone was so quiet around me. Children would stare at me as if I was some sort of alien. They did not smile or talk. They just looked at me. This made me feel a bit uneasy. At first, I thought it was because I was not used to being with children, I was only ever with adults. However, Emily told me that it was because they looked at me like a princess. They thought I was like the queen and they did not know what was allowed to say or not.

One of the small girls fell and her mom was out getting some water. So I went over to the girl. Everyone went quiet as I did this. Even the small girl stopped crying. I wiped the tears from her face and told her that her mother would be back soon. Then I told her that she had pretty hair. I asked if she wanted me to brush it. She smiled and quickly got me the brush. This one action showed everyone that I was not just a rich girl, I was as human as they were.

This changed things. They started considering me as part of the family. I was happy that I was never alone. I helped around the cottage. I cleaned and helped take care of the children. This was hard work! It may sound strange, but I was so happy. I did not feel alone. I was doing things that others were doing. The things I have done had a purpose. I was helping others!

Emily's aunt took some time off her chores and told me that we should talk. She did not know much about rich people, but she was sure that my parents cared about me and loved me. The problem was that they only knew traditions and what was expected of me. Society has created so many rules, often to keep the social classes separated. My parents wanted the best for me. I had to understand that they were doing what they thought was best.

I could understand all this and knew that my parents loved me. They were doing things that they knew and did not see any options. It was the way they were raised. It was a tradition. The problem was that I did not want it. Still, I decided to send my parents a letter to try and explain how I felt as well as to let them know that I was safe and I was happy where I was. This was a hard letter to write, I felt guilty and selfish that I was rebelling against my parents and everything they stood for.

Life at the cottage was very different. There was always so much to do. I loved helping take care of the little ones. I would take them on the farm and we would take care of the animals. It was fun collecting eggs or when we sat with the small kittens and just cuddled them. Emily was always smiling and she had the ability to make a chore into a game. I did not consider farm work or taking care of the small children a chore. I was so happy that I was always with someone, and did not feel alone.

I no longer looked like a princess from a fairytale. Emily gave me one of her old petticoats as she thought it will be a sin if I got my best dress dirty. If anyone visited us, I would look like one of the countless daughters that lived in the cottage.

Emily's aunt was also like a mother to me. She would give me hugs and ask me how I was, She would listen to the reasons why I ran away. I told her about Billy and the fact that he wanted to marry me.

“ You are only 13”, she said, “ While in olden days, girls got married at this age, I still consider you between a child and a woman. There is time to get married and there is time to be a good wife. Now you should just enjoy life and learn as much as you can, so you will be better as a wife when the time comes.”

She also told me that while she has nothing against black people, she thought that it would be a hard marriage. People would not accept that I could love someone with a different color. Besides I would have to get used to his customs, I would also have to get used to people that thought blacks were inferior and some even knew they were not human. The good thing is that I could be proud that I was not a racist and seen everyone as a child of God, no matter what color they had. 

Emily's aunt had a way of saying things. She had a simple view of things that made it so easy for me to understand.

In the evening, everyone relaxed in the cottage. Emily's uncle would find his violin and he would play song after song. We would sing along and clap and even at times dance. The atmosphere was festive. We may have been tired after the days work, but we would have new energy to have fun. It was not just the music I liked, It was because everyone in the family was together and having fun together. I wished my mom and dad could see how a family could do things like this together.

A week nearly went, and I knew that I was supposed to be at a finishing school in a few days. I must admit that this was something I thought that was in my past and that I escaped this plan. I now considered myself adopted in a peasant farming family. I was no longer the richest girl in the country. I got up every day and put on a raggy petticoat dress and helped take care of the children and animals. Despite being with a poor family, I was so happy!

One day, I was taking care of the cows. Emily taught me how to milk them. I was singing a song that we sang the night before. I was in a great mood. Then my world fell apart where I heard my mother...

“ What are you doing?” she shouted.

She pulled me away from the cow and just stood there as she looked at me. There was no emotion in her face as she asked did the family force me to wear these clothes and to do this sort of work on the farm. She wanted me to say that I was kidnapped.

I told her that I was not kidnapped. This family has done nothing except take care of me and love me. They accepted me as an extra mouth to feed. I was so happy here. Mom did not listen. She ordered me to get in the carriage. I sat in the carriage as I saw Dad trying to pay Emily's dad some money for his troubles. Emily was in tears.

We went home, and I was ordered to take a bath to get rid of the farm smell on me. When I was finished, Dad came into my room.

“ The governess has left, so you will be in this room by yourself,” he announced. “ Your mother is distressed and crying all the time. You have hurt her so much. How could you be so selfish? You think you can change the way society works. You think your selfish and emotional wishes are better than generations of traditions. You will be going to finishing school in a few days. Until then you are confined to your bedroom.”

Dad left and I was once again like a prisoner in my room. I kept on remembering when Emily's aunt told me that my parents loved me. My parents did not show any happiness that I was once again home. They did not say that they missed me. In the few days that I was grounded in my room, they did not even visit me. I was reminded of my fate every time I saw the suitcases packed and ready for finishing school.

The day before I was expected to go to finishing school a letter came under the door.

“ Dear Lourdes,

Welcome back home. I was so devasted and hurt when you run away. It was as if I should have supported you more!

Your parents may not show it, but they love you. They tried to provide you with everything that they thought you would need. Sending you to finishing school is not a punishment. They want to prepare you for the future.

You may not like your parents planned. The problem is that your parents are part of a world where there are lots of rules, norms, and traditions. They know of nothing else except this world. 

You are a girl with emotions and spirit. You are not afraid to show them. Never lose this ability. My wishes are that as the next generation of the aristocracy, you can find a balance of being in a world with so many expectations and yet the ability to follow your dreams.

Be brave, Be yourself

Granny”

To be continued