Happiness in Goodbye

A short story.

"But I don't want you to go!"

I didn't know what to do. I stood there with my hands in my pockets, head down, wishing that one of the cracks in the ground beneath my feet would open and swallow me whole. I tried to avoid this as long as I could, but waiting until the day I was leaving may have been a bad idea.

"Look, Kimmy, I know you don't want me to go. But I have to. You'll be OK without me. You have mom and dad, and Murphy. You'll be fine. And I'll write and call, you know that."

Blue, tear-filled eyes looked up at me.

"But you promised! You promised you'd never leave! You're a liar! A stinking liar!"

Hands clenched into fists, she turned and ran back to the house, pausing by mom and dad who were standing on the porch.

"I hate you!" she yelled. "You're just going to let him go, and he won't ever come back, just like Toby!"

At the mention of Toby, my heart sank.

Toby was our older brother. He was 19 when he left home two years ago. I was 17 at the time and Kimmy was only 7. He was in a band, the Reckless Wanderers. They decided to travel from our small town of Catawba, OH, population 313, to the big, glamorous New York City, population 8 million plus, with hopes of being discovered. The first few weeks we got regular calls and letters. Toby was busy, they had shows booked in every run-down club and open-mic night they could find. Then the letters stopped, and the calls came less often. One week, he didn't call at all. Then the next. They hadn't heard a thing from or about him for over a year.

We thought the world of him, but Kimmy took it the hardest. Toby was her world. He was the one she talked to about school. He was who she ran to when she had a nightmare. When he left, she tried to be brave. When he never came home, she became perpetually scared of being alone. She became withdrawn in school, and clung to me at home. And here I was, putting her face to face with that same reality from two years ago.

I looked up to see my parents, mom leaning on dad, her face pale with worry. Dad, trying to be strong, but his face was weathered with concern.

"She'll be OK, Michael. She will. But are you sure you want to do this? We haven't heard from him in over a year. He might not even be there anymore."

Walking to the porch, I met them eye to eye on the top step.

"I have to do this, you know that. Kimmy has nightmares, Mom, you can't leave the house worried he will call and you won't be here. I have to find him.... Or find out what happened to him."

At that statement my mom, who until then was doing pretty good at holding herself together, fell apart. Falling into my dad, her head in his shoulder, she sobbed. As long as we didn't know, she had hope. And it scared her to death that I was going to shatter that hope with a truth we didn't want to hear.

"Go, son, just go. But be careful please. Call us often. Every day. Because if you don't, there is no telling how we are going to be able to hold up here."

With a firm squeeze of my shoulder, he managed a weak smile. Turning, I walked down the driveway to my beat-up old pickup truck.

"Michael," I heard my mother yell. "I love you. Please, bring Toby home."

With a smile on my face, I turned. "I love you, too. Mom, I will find him no matter what."

Getting behind the wheel, I started the truck and put it into gear. A few minutes later I was on I-70 East, bound for New York City to find my brother, or bring home what I could.

It was about ten hours later when I finally made it. I was lost instantly. Pulling over, I decided to put a few quarters in a meter and ask for some general directions. I spotted a coffee shop, and stepped inside, greeted by the scent of fresh coffee and baked goods. Finding a spot at the counter, I sat down and waited for a waitress.

"What can I get ya, darlin."

I looked up to see a short, stocky woman with a friendly face looking at me. Wow! What an accent.

"Oh um, coffee, black and what is that smell? I want whatever that is."

Laughing, she scribbled down my order.

"That would be our fresh scones. Coffee and a scone comin' right up."

Within just a minute, I had hot coffee and warm food in front of me. Taking a bite, I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. They definitely didn't have this kind of food back in Catawba. I sat enjoying my coffee and scone, trying to figure out in my mind where to start. I suppose the best idea, was the last place he talked about. He told us the last time he called, they had a show at the Dark Castle Underground. That was the shortest of all conversations. He sounded tired, hurried and out of it.

Waiting until the waitress looked like she had a minute, I called her over.

"More scone, darlin?" she asked me.

"No, no thank you. It was fantastic though. I was wondering if you could help me with something though. See, I'm looking for my brother, Toby. The last time we talked to him, he said his band was playing at the Dark Castle Underground here in the city. Do you know where that is?"

Her kind face turned to one with sorrow. "Look, honey, don't get your hopes up. People come to the city for dreams, but a lot of times dreams get stolen and never found. I don't know where that is, but I might know someone who does."

Turning around she yelled back to the kitchen. "Hey, Jewel, come out here. I have a customer who needs your assistance."

A few minutes later, a girl stepped out from the kitchen. Black hair in a bun, piercings all over, red lips that looked like she had just drank blood. Creepy.

"This kid needs to find Dark Castle Underground. You ever heard of it?"

The girl she called Jewel smiled. "Yup, sure have. But what is a pretty country boy like you going to do in there? They would eat you alive."

"I'm looking for my brother Toby. His band Reckless Wanderers played there the last time we talked to him. That was over a year ago. Haven't heard from him since."

At the mention of his band's name, her eyes lit up. "Reckless Wanders! I love them! Man, they were a hot item until they got mixed up with Bobby G. They don't play much anymore. Word is they do "other" stuff. Run drugs and such. I don't know if it's true or not though. But band equipment makes for pretty good hiding places."

I thought I was going to be sick.

"Can you tell me how to get there?"

She smiled at me and winked. "I can do ya one better sugar, I'm off work in an hour, I'll show you."

An hour-and-a-half later, and too many cups of coffee, I was following Jewel down a side street that just gave me the creeps. There was one dim light at the end, and it seemed like it went on forever. Turning to the right, she banged on a door. A big tattoo-covered guy opened it.

"Well, hi there, Julius, I brought a friend tonight."

Stepping out of the doorway, we walked in. Horrible, loud music was playing somewhere. She grabbed my hand, pulling me with her so I wouldn't get lost. I could smell weed in the air, and too many perfumes to name. We got to the bar and she hopped on a stool.

"Hey there, Mitch. Give me and my pal here a jack and coke, OK?"

"I'm not old enough to drink," I stammered.

"Doll, you're in the city. You're old enough to do anything." Handing me a beer, she turned back around. "Mitch, you remember that band Reckless Wanderers. What happened to them? This kid here is looking for his brother Toby. He was in the band."

Mitch motioned toward the back with his head.

"Office?" Jewel asked.

He nodded. "Okay, country boy, come with me."

We stood up and made our way to the back, to a door guarded by possibly the biggest guy I've ever seen.

"Mitch said we could come on back," Jewel said.

He stepped back and opened the door. I followed her into a huge office, full of dark furniture and wood.

"Well what's this," said someone from across the room. "Hiya Bobby G. I have a friend here looking for someone you might know. Think you can help him out?"

He motioned for us to sit down. "Maybe I can, maybe I can't. Who are you looking for will decide that."

"Toby. My brother Toby. He played in the band Reckless Wanderers. The last club he played was here. We just want him to come home."

A snarl came across Bobby G's face. "Ahh, those little punks. Little druggies. They tried to rip me off. Played in my club and tried to skip with the money because they wanted to go home. No one rips me off!" Slamming his fists down, he glared at me. "You want your brother back? He still owes me debt. What do I get in exchange, are you going to pay it off?"

I didn't know what to say. What to think. "H-how much?" I stuttered. He snarled again. "How much? How much says the hero. That little snake stole 500 grand in rock from me! You got 500 grand, country boy? Do you? Do you?!"

I was going to be sick.

"Hold on, I will show you what happens when you rip me off and steal from me."

He got on the phone, and I heard the muffled words of "bring him in."

"Relax, make yourself at home. I have a surprise for you. It won't take long."

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, and two massive guys walked in, someone in between them. They threw the third person on the floor. I heard him moan. His face turned. Toby! I fell to my knees and scrambled beside him.

"Oh, my God, Toby! We've been so worried! What happened to you! What have they done!"

His face was black and blue, all in different stages. His eyes were glazed over, he was obviously stoned out of his mind. He was so skinny. Struggling to stand him up, I looped one arm around his shoulder, and my hand around his waist and headed for the door.

"Oh, no, no, now wait. See he owes me money, country boy. You want him to go home, you pay his debt."

I froze. "I-I don't have that much money. Not even close."

Bobby G snarled.

"How bad do you want him home?" he said.

"My family needs him home, our little sister. Please. There has to be a way."

He stood up, now with a big smile.

"I thought you'd never mention that. There is a way. You want him to go home? I will have my guys drive him straight back to Ohio right now. But you have to take his place. You're healthy, you'd be much more effective, pay off his debt faster."

Looking into the glazed-over eyes of my brother, I smiled. There's always a bit of happiness in every goodbye.