My Steady Friend

I loathe your rancid voice

You puke a putrid noise

Out on the jetty’s end

You stand confused, my steady friend; 

You who's quite provincial,

A rather simple individual

What a shame you force your barf

With potential it drowns at sea

Spitting bile as seagulls glide

On gusts above towards paradise

It’s time to wash your mouth

Don’t pout that salty brine

Responsibility stings

Yet you blame a faceless shadow

Oh, how shallow!

Much unlike the sea

It's gales do wail

Its song though sails

O'er the deep dark blue, calling you,

Offering possibility

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

"It's time to wash your mouth
Don't pout that salty brine"

This poem made me think of inner resilience, something my mum and dad's generation had in bucket loads as they lived through the war years.

What happened to inner resilience? Seems it is in short supply these days. These days too many think the state is there to solve their problems. Everyone is to blame except themselves.

Strong metaphor in your lines Victor.

Chris

[NFA]

Unfortunately, my generation is built on the idea that everything must be handed to them. When they finally arrive at the jetty's end and realize there the world end's not, it's a rude awakening. It takes time an energy to build a boat. Everyone is tasked to do so, because at some point you'll slip off the rocks and find yourself amidst the sharks. (Didn't mean to rhyme there lol) Thanks for reading!

[Writergurl]

Wow, there is a few metaphors in this write, i enjoyed reading this.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love the metaphorical nature of comparing the individual to a salty sea that only conjures up sea sickness not respect.
Third line of last stanza I read as "Its gales"
Shallow people could learn, and find themselves with much more depth...
Taking responsibility can cause some to fall overboard.
j.

[NFA]

People have quite a talent for letting themselves lose their inner strength in the world nowadays. They find it easier to do nothing and blame others for their stagnation rather than taking life by the reigns and guiding it the way they should. They should realize a jetty is just a jetty until you build a boat and find adventure.