Monster

A huge-a*s free-form poem I wrote about myself and the habits I can't seem to kick.

Am I really human? I sometimes seem not to be,
For I am venomous as a snake, treacherous as an angry bull,
Dangerous as a disease, uncontrollable as a tsunami,
My heart can be stone or slush, my instincts are often wrong,
Am I just like the lonely beta fish by itself in its bowl,
Lonely, but cannot handle anything else in its world,
I am like a female spider, I seem to find love,
Only to devour it slowly, until they fade away,
Why is it I cannot be satisfied? I find love, sure,
But then, as swiftly as my love and affection has stirred,
It melts away and I crave another’s hand, voice, touch,
My mind so easily convinces me to do these things,
Things that nearly break the bonds I will make,
The bonds that should never be broken or played with,
And I know it’s wrong so why, somebody tell me why,
They seem to mean nothing to me, I seem to be blind,
Blind as a bat to the lies I am telling to myself and others,
The infliction of such stupidity and selfishness,
I hate how I think, how I figure, how I deceive,
And I fear for any lover of mine’s heart,
I fear I will break it into a million tiny pieces,
Maybe that is why they leave, so soon, so quick,
Maybe it is because they know, they can tell, sense,
That I am a tramp, a disgrace to women everywhere,
Not matter what anyone says, no matter how they speak,
How they tell me I am wrong, I am not cruel or selfish,
Deep inside, there are things I cannot speak about to them,
I wish to, however, but I cannot, for my words,
They would stab like swords and burn like acid,
On certain days I brood on what would happen if,
Just maybe, I decided to give up love, all of it,
For wouldn’t it be easier just to let them have better,
Let them get someone who will be theirs and only theirs,
My heart is not worth the time nor effort,
No amount of love or care seems to be able to tame this beast,
As the beat of my heart is steady, so is my line of regrets,
I don’t want to lose some, but I crave others,
It can’t work, it won’t work, someday I will taste the pain,
I will experience the hatred, the anger, the sadness, of those who I failed,
Those whom I loved so dearly but treated so horribly, I’m sorry,
To all the boys and girls who I played with and dragged into this,
I have become what I hate most, what I despise, and it is eating me alive

Reviews

[I'llPlayTheJuliet]

This made me cry...
Free form but it has rythem..
Very honest, I love your medaphores..
Great write.