Silhouette

 

You are of the nights skies…

Unable to touch reality.

 

Like the fog, you hover and fade.

Leaving a silhouette, I wish to behold...

Of dust you are made.

 

Eyes like collapsing stars

You are my mysterious lover

Beyond my grasp in the dark…

 

Wanting to linger in the night

While your presence invades my light

Overwhelming urges to cry-

fill my insides…

 

Knowing you will go away…

at the blink of an eye.

 

You are of the night skies…

Your hearts made of mist

And your skin is the wind.

 

I breathe to take you in,

And drown you in my sins.

 

My mysterious lover,

Takes my breath away,

Each time he hovers and fades…

 

Leaving my life

Dark like an eclipse…

Remaining only as a silhouette.

 

 

 

J.Cruz@2010

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

Lovely baroque poem, very intricate and elaborate descriptions and similes. Very well constructed. This poem is big, and powerful, very strong and bold in the descriptives, but yet also ghostly and ethereal... the poem leaves the question open of who, or what, the lover is... a real lover, a ghost, a dream, a vision, a metaphor? Very clever, it takes discipline not to lose the ability to apply the content in different ways. Nice poem :)

[BL]

The use of language in this poem is so atmospheric and powerful, it really creates a mood of mystery and enchantment. There is also a lovely floating feeling like I am being taken somewhere, also there is a sensation of movement to me.

[VelvetRosetta]

Thank you for such a wonderful comment!

[Mauricio Montoya]

Great job, well done.

[White Ink]

I love this! dark, mysterious, yet lovely.

[Kat Collins]

Beautifully written. A lover who is only in our dreams and mist, but we can taste and smell them as though they are by our side.

Only minor critique - "And drowned you in my sins." Drowned is past tense, but you wrote the entire poem in the present. I think "drown" would be better!

[Teri B]

I know someone like this...and I love him, too! Great post!

[Judas Hammer]

I felt as if i was floating and flying as I read this, I was transported, great write

[Raindrop]

"You are of the night skies…
Your hearts made of mist
And your skin is the wind."

My favorite line, as well! I can actually imagine the whole situation. It's full of love for something outside of this world, but it has a depressing side to it. I love the whole thing!

[Jibey]

This seems like the description of a cyber lover... so often we can feel close to those we meet and long for more... yet their touch is ever elusive and our feelings strain in the ether of need... A moving and well-constructed piece..

[Muse]

The words in this poem were both haunting and beautiful. You are well penned with talent. :)