~ Au revoir ~

Facing the forces of my sadness,

I see the hole filled with darkness

sucking all the life inside,

I watch it, with my eyes opened wide.

I entered the depths of life's despair.

I can't find my way back.

No, I'm not running away,

no, this time I'll just stay.

Instead of looking for a place to hide,

I'll let the death walk by my side.

I entered the depths of life's despair.

I can't find my way back.

With eyes as dry as gunpowder,

I'm spreading the voice, louder and louder,

unlocking the lock of secrets of mine.

Yes, I'm leaving this world, 

I'm ready to shine.

I entered the depths of life's despair.

I can't find my way back.

Yeah, I'm ready to allege,

I've just stepped on the edge,

and I'm not going to look back,

cause this whole life is a wreck.

I entered the depths of life's despair.

I can't find my way back.

So, I'm standing here, moving lips,

in the rythm of a heart that beats,

whispering to myself slowly, slower,

my last words:

''The game is over.''

Reviews

[zainul]

Strange piece with wonderful expression of hope and despair.
The 'refrain'(!), "I entered the depths of life's despair.
I can't find my way back" appeared four times to deepen the sense of pessimism.
But,the contradicting stanza,
"No, I'm not running away,
no, this time I'll just stay.
Instead of looking for a place to hide,
I'll let the death walk by my side."
gives an indication of strong optimism.
Well penned.
Congratulations!!!

[Velida]

Thank you very much. Glad you liked it.
And, I'm very glad you've noticed that part. :D

[zainul]

You are most welcome,dear poet.
Hope to listen to your songs and view you while dancing the whole day.(Glimpses from your 'about')

[Chaos_Collector]

Velida, this piece is definitely something out of the ordinary. A smooth rhythm is kept throughout the entire poem with a good structure. I love the diction within in this piece and your analogies. Here for starters "With eyes as dry as gunpowder," Definitely good stuff there. The last stanza seals the deal for this poem "So, I'm standing here, moving lips,
in the rythm of a heart that beats,
whispering to myself slowly, slower,
my last words:
''The game is over.''" I don't really have anything that you could improve so excellent work :)

Chaos_Collector

[Velida]

Thank you for the compliments 'bout my writing, it's really nice to hear that :D

[Chaos_Collector]

You're welcome :)

[John]

The game is never over :)

[Velida]

I guess it depends on our experiences :D

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

Do you think Vel if we viewed all life as a game, we'd be happier or more miserable? It was a thought provoking piece.

[Velida]

hmm, I think that it depends on what kind of players we are. :)

[Circe]

this one is really close to everything i have felt too.... you expressed it better than i ever could.. there are no words to describe how deeply this is felt... thank you for writing it.... you are dynamic and impressive

[Velida]

I think we have very similar thoughts about life.
I don't actually find myself 'impressive', I think it's too big word for me, I just think I have so many bad experiences in every aspect of life, and that makes me kinda pessimistic or something. Anyway, thank you if you think that, it's really nice to hear :D

[Circe]

I know how you feel... your bad experiences have opened your awareness... (it has for me), and you have trouble accepting the really good parts about yourself, it's ok, I'll still think for you :)

[Seamstress]

Games are never good to play with people. Being the victim of someone else's game I say stop the games, especially those that affect others.
This is written well and I can tell easily that the words have a deep meaning to you.

[Velida]

Yes, I also think games are not good to play. Unfortnately, life is just a game( my opinion). That's why I honestly wished to end this rough and unfair game, many times. This poem kinda represents all my thoughts about life and death-- on one side I have wishes to leave this fu*ked up world, and, on the other side, fears of death.
I'm not suicidal, not anymore, and i wrote this poem to get it out of me. Writing poems really helps you finally get over some stuff..
Thanks for the compliments about my writing :)

[Seamstress]

I know the feeling well of using your words to scream what your mouth won't and can't do. I've never considered myself suicidal or even depressed but those that read some of my writings might believe differently because through the words I write my emotions pour.