Tears of a Monster

I feel it in my veins,

see it through my scars,

it's saying: 'Love is a vain'

it's coming from my heart's jar,

and it says: 'My name is pain.'

Though it's crushing me inside,

I won't let it leak,

Though,I have to die,
I won't show I'm weak.

There's no one who would love me,
so,I throw my heart in mud,

'cause you haven't tried to realise,

I'm a human,

made of flesh and blood.

Author's Note

This is my first poem,so please be very judgy,I wanna know if it's worth..

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The lines to this speak-out... the verse has a couple areas of concern:

it's saying: 'Love is a vain'
it's saying: 'Love is vain'

I'm a human,
I'm human,

besides that the other areas of this write... are worded with extras:

Though it's crushing me inside,
I won't let it leak,
Though,I have to die,
I won't show I'm weak.

It's crushing me inside,
I won't let it leak,
I have to die,
I won't show I'm weak.

There's no one who would love me,
so,I throw my heart in mud,
'cause you haven't tried to realise,
I'm a human,
made of flesh and blood.

There's no one who would love me,
I throw my heart in mud,
'cause you haven't tried to realise,
I'm human,
made of flesh and blood.

See the clarity to this... Thanks for sharing...

[Velida]

thank you for this, but i really think that if I remove the words you told me to (though, so, etc.) I will lose the complete meaning and my writing style. Thanks for the advices, they're constructive :D
By the way, this is my first poem, and my first language isnt english , so...

[Circe]

a really promising first poem! I think my first was something like this about pain of family issues... you are able to effectively communicate emotions from within. and also the underlying idea at the end of being ignored for the feelings you do have... as a vulnerable, organic human... great work and keep writing :)

[Velida]

Thanks :) . I really don't know what else to say, I didn't really expect that someone will like it, I just thought that I'll feel better if I share it.

[Circe]

I'm glad.. you should nurture the ability to express yourself, always.

[Nikky Miles]

Great one! No more comments... :)

[Velida]

Thanks a lot :)

[Uroš D. Stojanov..]

First poem? Really? I'm surprised how great it is! It has feelings, it has emotion, basically everything that a great poem should have. I enjoyed reading it, but I have to state one thing... I think that "it's coming from my heart's jar," doesn't fit where it stands, but that could be just me, everything else... is amazing. :))

Keep at the good work.

[Velida]

Wow,thanks. That means a lot.
And,when I read it,I see that you're right about that 4th line. It doesn't really fit the whole strophe...
Once again,thanks :D

[Uroš D. Stojanović]

Always the pleasure... :)