Force

These days, it is a commotion,
which pervades my mind.
Whenever I look for answers
I feel like I'm blind.

I am sitting in a carriage,
driven by a horse,
which is a forceful circumstance
ruling me, of course.

There is no chum who will hear me
so I do not speak
otherwise I have long tale
which will last a week.

Those losers call me a loser
almost everyday,
while they will keep calling me names
I might win someday.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Interesting & unusual scenario . . . I'm captured by the first stanza, but the second stanza seems a little cryptic to me (horse & carriage suggests long ago times, but the rest sounds like current times) . . . the third stanza is my favorite, with good message & good rhyming, but the rhythm could be improved with a few tweaks to balance out the syllable count . . .
There is no chum to hear me
so I refuse to speak
otherwise I have a tale
to last about a week.

I'm not sure what story this is telling, but it sounds like it could be about bullying . . .

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Well, thanks a million for your amazing review and lovely advice. As for the syllable count, I have tried to arrange the poem as: 8-5-8-5. Well, to be honest, except the first stanza, the rest is pure imagination. This is mainly about how my mind won over my heart as I opted for Science instead of Arts in grade 11.

[barleygirl]

I'm sorry I was off the mark about your syllable count . . . it felt more erratic to read, but I see that you did keep it pretty steady as you mentioned. Also, your message is unrecognizable to me, but that's OK, I'm sure it happens with me too, when another person cannot fathom what I'm writing about! Thanks for explaining! (((HUGS)))

[Pryde Foltz]

Never let the words and thoughts of others hold you back. You are indeed a force, my dear friend:)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Oh, that is true for everyone, isn't it? Thanks for your review.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

a week's worth, wow, a lot to hold in...

but one day there will be a friend for this speaker...and together they will converse
till the end of the universe.

really like this.
j.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

That may just happen one day. Thanks for your amazing review.

[Silmara McGarry]

Really enjoyable read! I can understand what you mean in the second stanza ;-) And the last stanza is so great! Well done :-) All best.. Sil

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thank you very much for your review.