Do knock at my door

Do knock at my door sometime,
and heed my heart's roar sometime.

You are high-headed, my love,
do look at the floor sometime.

You love staying amid the sea,
do come to the shore sometime.

You will see my profound love,
just see my heart's core sometime.

There are two eyes at Vatsal's.
oh! do make them four sometime.

Author's Note

A ghazal. Criticism is always welcome.

Reviews

[Shabeeh Haider]

I like this ghazal. A good message and every line has an individuality.
The second line of the first and last couplet are one meter short. You can add "and" to bring a proper balance.
'Do knock at my door sometime,
AND heed my heart's roar sometime." ( NOW THERE ARE SEVEN BEATS IN BOTH)
Keep writing, for you are bound to improve.
Well done

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for your extremely valuable suggestion, advice and encouragement. I will make the changes as advised by you.

[Pryde Foltz]

Love the tone and sentiment of this one, Vassal. Romantic and great study in duality:)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for your review, friend.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, some are so aloof...they don't give others a chance to love them...

and like barleygirl said...maybe a bit too much repetition of fairly common phrases...but the feeling is there in the poem...

j.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for your review, sir. I will definitely improve on repetition.

[Wolf_Lord]

Hmm... profound. I like the way the lines tie together. I like the plea for humility. The form is interesting and new to me. Wolf_Lord ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for your kind review, Wolf_Lord.

[barleygirl]

Not familiar with the poetic form, so maybe it requires the repeated use of "sometime" . . . I like the repetition a little bit, but not quite as much as it is done here. I prefer when a writer finds new & interesting ways to engage in repetition, such as a slightly different way of saying a repeated word like this. Just some thoughts. Not a criticism.

All in all, I really do love the message here. I think it's a gentle way to suggest a different way of seeing to another person, without coming across as being harshly critical. So many times we see a person "out to sea" & wonder how to help them find their moorings again.

I love the last couplet the most. Very clever & visual.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for your insights.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

The Ghazal is a poetic form consisting of rhyming couplets and a refrain. It is common in ghazals for the poet's name (known as takhallus) to be featured in the last verse (a convention known as the Maqta). Refrain can be omitted- but not always. And the maqta can be omitted too.

[barleygirl]

I like the takhallus . . . I'd noticed this part in some of your poems.

[David Scott]

I love the use of "sometime". It is a word one can play with well.
You always seem to bring your persona into the poem directly. I like this. It feel like an invitation to know you better.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for your review.